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Original poster

To think somewhere down the line male friends either want to date you or sleep with you?

123 replies

MaleFriend · 16/10/2022 08:52

I have started dating a male friend after he told me how he felt. I don't really have many close male friends but have had a few in the past over the years and thinking about it they have all either asked me out on a date or tried it on with me after a few drinks. This goes back to my late teens to my current dp. It doesn't really bother me but just got me thinking about the old adage that men can't really be friends with women.

What's other people's experiences ?
It would be interesting to hear from men and their perspective?

OP posts:
OneRingToRuleThemAll · 16/10/2022 09:17

When I divorced exH, so many male friends made a pass at me, and ramped up their contact and affection.

It was really eye opening and made me realise that men will pounce given any opportunity.

J0y · 16/10/2022 09:17

@Sparklfairy yes, same used to happen to me. As soon as anything happening was clearly removed.......... they disappeared in to the ether.

What did you say to him to make realise that though, that you were having your hair cut??

MsPincher · 16/10/2022 09:18

DenholmElliot1 · 16/10/2022 08:54

I agree I don't think men look on women friends as women friends, I think they look on them as women they haven't fucked yet.

this is pretty sexist. As I said I have lovely male friends who have been fantastic platonic friends for over three decades. This is a really toxic sexist view of men. They’re just people like us women!

People are all different. Some men and women have few friends at all.

Teaandcrumpets95 · 16/10/2022 09:19

Disagree- I have many male friends who have ended up dating other women and we're still just very good friends.

J0y · 16/10/2022 09:20

@Sparklfairy ah! the penny drops. You just implied you were dating! Got it. Sorry, I was being a bit thick there. Read it back and it was obvious.

Sparklfairy · 16/10/2022 09:21

J0y · 16/10/2022 09:17

@Sparklfairy yes, same used to happen to me. As soon as anything happening was clearly removed.......... they disappeared in to the ether.

What did you say to him to make realise that though, that you were having your hair cut??

@J0y "before a date". I didn't have a date but threw it into conversation discreetly to see what would happen. Then it was oh I didnt realise you were seeing someone and I just said yeah its early days but going well, then he said he had planned to ask me out and disappeared after that.

PoundShopPrincess · 16/10/2022 09:22

I think you're sending signals that you're interested.
I've always had male friends, none of them have tried to kiss me when drunk or asked me out. We've been on holidays together, work trips together, clubbing, stayed at each other's houses, etc.
But, as my DH said when we started dating I'm very good at subconsciously sending out 'unavailable' signals.

SuzySangfroid · 16/10/2022 09:22

I have to say my experience has been similar. All really close male friends I've had we've ended up someone fancying the other one.

My dh was my friend first before we started dating. I asked him out first and he said no, then backtracked a few months later.

Another male friend and I kissed after being best friends for years. Another really close friend couldn't remain friends after I got engaged as he was single and although he later got a lovely gf, while single it was just too weird for him to be friends with me when I was engaged to another man.

I'm not particularly attractive btw! Very average looking at best.

Also had two male work friends proposition me at work about 6 months ago. I was size 16, 38 and tired at the time. Not looking my best.

I don't think it's true of every male / female friendship. There are people on this thread who have different experiences to me. But my only 100% platonic relationships with men have been with gay men or family members. I don't know why this might be. As I say it isn't down to my good looks. Maybe they think I'm easy 🤣. I'm actually not at all fwiw, but perhaps I give out that vibe?

Forfukzsake · 16/10/2022 09:22

I'm quite old now and no longer attractive. I still have my male friends. I think it is safe to say they aren't lusting after me. We just get on well.

SpaceyCake · 16/10/2022 09:22

moonfacebaby · 16/10/2022 09:05

I don’t really have male friends anymore, not ones that I hang around with regularly (I have one male friend who lives miles away and I get to see him a couple of times a year).

All the male friends I had when I was younger (early twenties through to mid), all confessed feelings or it was apparent that they definitely wanted more than just friendship. Every single one. This included ones I’d known for a few years plus any I made along the way.

I think I tended to avoid make friendships after that, even though I enjoy the company of men - I became wary of what their expectations were.

Same here. I used to really enjoy having male friends but every single one of my male friendships ended up in the man confessing they had feelings for me, or trying it on. I was really disappointed that the old saying seemed to be true in my case because I had always defended my friendships and said that men and women absolutely can be friends. I think they still can but in my case it's always ended up awkward, so I try to keep men at an arm's length, so to speak.

I am aware this sounds egoistic, and I really don't think I'm anything special but that's just my experience. It sounds like it's not the same for everyone!

RichardMarxisinnocent · 16/10/2022 09:22

My handful of long standing male friends have never shown the slightest interest in dating me or having sex with me. But I'm not very attractive and in my whole life I've only ever had one non friend want to date me (my current DP). So I'm probably not the best example.

boobot1 · 16/10/2022 09:23

MaleFriend · 16/10/2022 08:52

I have started dating a male friend after he told me how he felt. I don't really have many close male friends but have had a few in the past over the years and thinking about it they have all either asked me out on a date or tried it on with me after a few drinks. This goes back to my late teens to my current dp. It doesn't really bother me but just got me thinking about the old adage that men can't really be friends with women.

What's other people's experiences ?
It would be interesting to hear from men and their perspective?

My experience too.

grayhairdontcare · 16/10/2022 09:27

I have 3 male friends.
2 are married and one is single.
We have all known each other for over 30 years and have never once crossed a line.

PickledRat · 16/10/2022 09:28

I don’t have any male friends so can’t comment from that perspective but my DP has two very good female friends, they are lesbian and I do not think he wants to sleep with them. One of my sons also has a very good female friend, again she is gay and there is no romance interest on either side.

Simonjt · 16/10/2022 09:30

All my friends are men, virtually all of them are gay men, none have ever shown any sexual interest in me, and I haven’t in them.

HermioneWeasley · 16/10/2022 09:32

I have lots of male friends and there is zero spark or interest on either side.

bingbummy · 16/10/2022 09:45

It's always the case unless of course you are not in any way attractive.

bingbummy · 16/10/2022 09:46

Simonjt · 16/10/2022 09:30

All my friends are men, virtually all of them are gay men, none have ever shown any sexual interest in me, and I haven’t in them.

Huh! Seems you've stumbled across an anomaly. why could that be? Huh, we'll never know.

PoundShopPrincess · 16/10/2022 09:51

Of course it could be that those of us who manage to maintain boundaries in friendships are just completely unattractive Halloween Grin
We've always had large mixed friendship circles - there's only been one occasion where two people got together. And it was a disaster - which everyone could see coming.

RichardMarxisinnocent · 16/10/2022 09:52

bingbummy · 16/10/2022 09:46

Huh! Seems you've stumbled across an anomaly. why could that be? Huh, we'll never know.

Show quote history

Not sure you realise, but Simonjt is a man not a woman.

Kimya · 16/10/2022 09:53

I have plenty male friends who wouldn't want to do that. Perhaps I'm just hideous.

TimBoothseyes · 16/10/2022 09:53

I have a male friend. We've known each other for over 40 years (since primary school). He has never wanted to sleep with me, nor me him. He and his lovely wife have been married for 25 years and are very happy. He supported me when I first got with DP when DP's family were very hostile to the idea of DP being with me (long complicated story but I was not OW). I love my male friend as I would a brother and he refers to me as "the sister I never had".

TimBoothseyes · 16/10/2022 09:55

Sorry that should read 50 years not 40.

EddieVeddersfoxymop · 16/10/2022 09:57

One of my beat friends is male - we talk daily, meet up, go on trips etc. I'm 100% certain he does not want anything else from me as whilst he's currently single, he very much has a type and I am the total opposite. I'm married with kids and he's friends with them too. Totally platonic.

Luredbyapomegranate · 16/10/2022 09:59

No. But perhaps I am just not that fascinating 😁 I was at a gig with a male friend of 20 odd years on Friday night and was thinking we were increasingly resembling Darby and Joan.

But I am talking about close friends. Male acquaintances - sure - at university the line between friends and FWB was thin and constantly moving, and in my 20s and early 30s I had mini flings and ONS with male colleagues / mates.. but when you are young there is generally a lot of shagging isn’t there.