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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to resent the implication that all men have/look at porn and therefore women should just accept that?

87 replies

wannaBe · 26/01/2008 23:04

so often have read "all men have/look at porn".

I absolutely 100% know that my dh does not look at, or possess any porn. He freely admits that he looked when he was a teenager but says it's very juvanile really and he has no need or desire to now that he's married.

I do realize that a lot of men do look, but I really do not believe that all men do.

and I resnet this implication that all men look at porn and that women should just accept that.

OP posts:

2shoes · 26/01/2008 23:09

yanbu dh doesn't. he did when a teen(just asked him) i resent all the all men/ all teens/all dogs........(you get the picture) type comments

OverMyDeadBody · 26/01/2008 23:09

There are always exceptions to the rule. I think YAB a bit U to resent the implication, after all, your DH did look at it as a teenager, I highly doubt there are any men out there that have never ever looked at porn

OverMyDeadBody · 26/01/2008 23:11

resenting just implies far too much hard work imo. I don't like the generalised sweeping statements of all men, all women, all kids etc either, but I don't resent them!

Original poster

wannaBe · 26/01/2008 23:12

no but there's a difference between teenagers that looked at it and men that look at it while married with kids/in long-term stable relationships.

Personally I don't care whether dh looked at porn when he was 17 because I wasn't with him at the time, but I resent it when people say that all men look and so women should just be happy with that.

OP posts:

SnappyLaGore · 26/01/2008 23:13

why are you so bothered what other people think? if you and your dh know what you know, why do you care?

would his life be worth living if he did look/admit to looking at porn as an adult?

TurkeyLurkey · 26/01/2008 23:14

I think there are 2 parts to what you are saying (and resenting)..

That ALL men look and porn.

And that women should just accept it.

Fireflyfairy2 · 26/01/2008 23:15

At a guess i'd say there are not many men that haven't looked at porn at some stage in their lives...

not all men though, probably just most

TurkeyLurkey · 26/01/2008 23:15

Where has this been implied? On here do you mean?

2shoes · 26/01/2008 23:17

i have seen threads on here in the past saying that all men look at porn. so know where wannabe is comming from.
there is a lot of difference to your (not yet met) dh/dp looking as a young man to your dh/dp doing it when you are together

SnappyLaGore · 26/01/2008 23:18

and anyway, i dont think one should accept something they feel is wrong simply because all or the majority of people do said thing.

accept it or dont, for reasons numerous, but not just coz 'veryone does it'. isnt that just playground mentality?

why are people so threatened by porn tho? ive looked at , and jerked off at, porn. it truly has absolutely NO reflection on how i feel about dp, nor what i will or wont, or would like or not to do with him. it is fiction. thats all.

scottishmummy · 26/01/2008 23:18

so what if a man looks at porn?does not make him a pervert!means he has a pulse.would emasculated men be better?

Original poster

wannaBe · 26/01/2008 23:20

I did see a thread today where someone did say "all men have porn" or words to that effect.

And time and time again I've seen posts on here from women who have been devostated when they've found out their dh's have been downloading porn while they've been cooking the dinner/breastfeeding the baby/upstairs asleep, and time and time again there are people on these threads that say it's perfectly normal for these men to be wanking over these images.

And yet women are left feeling insecure/rejected by these discoveries, so why should it just be seen as normal?

OP posts:

SnappyLaGore · 26/01/2008 23:21

looking at porn does not make you a pervert. nor does it mean you are unhappy with your partner. its fiction.

to say a person looking at porn means they dont love/lust their partner enough is like saying that watching telly means you dont love your partner enough, coz you arent talking to them instead.

Oenophile · 26/01/2008 23:23

I saw a post on here saying that this morning and it slightly irked me also, a definitive 'all men look at porn' statement - as if the poster knew all men, whereas he can only know the ones he knows

My DH also doesn't look at porn: this is not a case of me being naive, he doesn't have a PC and has no books/mags etc. It just doesn't seem to be in his makeup, though he does enjoy a flash of tit-and-bum on TV and why not.

SnappyLaGore · 26/01/2008 23:24

if a person is not managing to be a good enough partner, or does not pay enough attention to their partner, or is falling out of love or whatever... then there are bigger things going on than porn imo. in those circs, it is likely to be a symptom, not the problem.

TurkeyLurkey · 26/01/2008 23:24

Where's Madamez?? She's always good on these sorts of things.

CoteDAzur · 26/01/2008 23:25

Are you saying that if your DH found a porn magazine when he was waiting for a bus, he would not look at it?

Original poster

wannaBe · 26/01/2008 23:25

no-one said that men looking at porn were perverts.

but the only reason why men look at porn is to gain sexual satisfaction surely? So if a man is in a loving, stable relationship, he should be getting the sexual satisfaction he needs at home, without needing to watch others having sex.

OP posts:

varicoseveined · 26/01/2008 23:25

yanbu

SnappyLaGore · 26/01/2008 23:25

all 'all...' statements are stupid.

and certainly not all men look at porn. for some it is dull as dishwater.

scottishmummy · 26/01/2008 23:26

ah the supposition appears to be Porn=Pervy ole git. Not necessarily. so your man has a ham-shank sometimes to porn- o get over it. does not mean he does not love you/infidelity/Perv....men wank so what

TurkeyLurkey · 26/01/2008 23:26

But what about couples that are in healthy loving relationships that look at porn together to spice things up?

Trolleydolly71 · 26/01/2008 23:28

Message withdrawn

Original poster

wannaBe · 26/01/2008 23:29

couples looking together is different because they're doing it together. there's no secrecy about it.

So many of the threads on here are from people who have discovered their partners have been looking at porn in secret, so the partners must know that their other half wouldn't like it.

OP posts:

TurkeyLurkey · 26/01/2008 23:29

You can still have intelligent converstions but want to read the paper.

Stable loving relationships and the use of porn aren't exclusive.

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