DH wants to move to London as soon as DC go to uni

[GoutFine]

DH is from London and we moved to the Home Counties when DC were small for schools/ quality of life. I have always loved it and he has loved it but always missed London. We met in London but I was from another area of the UK originally so don't have the same emotional ties.

Now the DC are older and youngest l due to start uni next year DH has said very strongly he is desperate to move back to central London. He wants to sell our lovely family home and buy a "lovely" flat in zone 1, with spare rooms for the children.

We have lived where we are for 18 years and built up a great network of friends and I'm so emotionally attached to this area as this is all our children have ever known. If it were up to me I'd stay here and the DC would still have their family home to return to. In all likelihood they'd be living with us for a while after uni and we are within easy commuting distance to London (25 minutes into Marylebone and we are a short walk from the station).

He says I'm being unfair as he has lived here for so long and he belongs in London and wants to live back there. I feel my life is here end don't see why he must live in London when we are so close anyway. I mainly feel sad for the children I don't want them to lose their family home and the friendships and connections they have here.

WIBU to refuse to move? He is desperate to.

For me, driving in London used to be about carrying heavy work equipment

now it's more about taking elderly mum in taxis

for elderly, disabled, ill, there are a lot of issues getting round. The big advantage of a bus is it usually drops you off nearer to your destination, has the wheelchair ramp etc. the way they have changed roads causes issues for busloads of people.

I agree with your husband. We moved out of London years ago and bought a relatively big house a couple of hours away.

We'd both love to move back and buy an apartment in the heart of London.

However, our daughter is now married and we have recently become grandparents. She wouldn't move to London so we will stay where we are so we are near to her and her family. However, we have been thinking about moving into our local city centre!

@A580Hojas
My parents had moved to another country by the time I graduated.
They offered me the chance to join them there but I chose not to and got a job and paid rent like everyone else!
I'm really not into infantilising 21 year olds.

PS: everyone else who moved home after graduation dicked about and stagnated for years and didn't crack on with their careers until their 30s. I actually think it's a mistake to encourage graduate children to move home after uni as the default

It's not infantalising 21 year olds to provide a home for them if they need it. Besides the OP's youngest child hasn't even started Uni so you are talking about an 18 year old.

Luckily I don't know a single person who "dicked about for years" after University. I left my home town when I was young and moved to London and have lived here since 1985. I understand the pull of it. OP doesn't though and she gets to have a say. I think her concerns about her young adult children are valid and should be heard.

I dicked about loads after uni! It was a long string of fuck ups until my late 20s. I did not live with my parents during this time. I left home at 18 and did not go back.

Dicking about and making poor life choices is not the exclusive preserve of those with wealthy parents who allow their adult children to live with them. I managed it perfectly well whilst living independently.

Agree re: providing a home, but they're not getting rid of spare rooms entirely? They're just talking about moving location.

IE they're not abdicating responsibility but making their own life choices which end up encouraging their DCs to make their own too. I personally think that's extremely healthy.

This.

DH still has loads of friends from school because they have seen each other over the years as all visited parents then met up for drinks.

I have none because my parents moved half an hour away. Nothing was casual, everything had to be arranged so we drifted.

IE they're not abdicating responsibility but making their own life choices which end up encouraging their DCs to make their own too. I personally think that's extremely healthy.
This

I think that it is probably right to stay in the house until your youngest has finished university - so 3-5 years. During that time you could investigate joining a club as a PP mentioned as the accomodation is usually a bit cheaper than the central hotels. You also need to think about what you and your DH considers to be central London - I'm a bit bemused by people thinking Hampstead or Kentish Town are central as I'd see it as easy walking distance of the West End. Then look for areas that are known to be "neighbourhoody" in that area. So with your budget a 3 bed flat in Pimlico would be just about affordable - easy to walk to most the museums and galleries, theatres and west end restaurants - Royal Parks and the river on your doorstep and places like Morley College for classes where you could meet other people/make new friends. But you'd definately need to rent first with a trial period of (say) two years.

Apart from renting the current place and finding a London club with reduced accommodation, I remember a mntter saying to walk into the smaller hotels around Bayswater. There are always vacancies at knock down walk in rates because the hotel just wants to fill the vacancy for the night. Perhaps that could be a cheaper pay per use option for short overnight trips after a night at the West End.

Look at the Sloane Club. Nice rooms.

The reason I suggested looking into a club was in some ways less about reduced accomodation though some do have it as about it maybe scratching the itch for the husband of feeling like he has a base in London, somewhere he belongs, can entertain friends at, place to kill time in nice surroundings etc

Your kids will be doing their own thing. It seems u are using the kids as an excuse.
Look at flats in London, get prices etc.
If u live in London, your kids will probably be overjoyed and u will get many visitors from the area where u are now living. Plus u will make new friends.

I would hate to leave my friends and social network. As time goes on, they are as important to me for day to day happiness as my partner. You are in an impossible situation.

This. If you have many friends and activities in your current area it will be impossible to replicate this in central London.
Central London does certain things very well but other things it hardly does at all.
A PP bizarrely tried to compare London parks with the countryside implying that the countryside was just one muddy footpath and parks have much more variety.
Certain sports are pretty much impossible - although some just may be if you have megabucks to throw around.
Transport - very expensive to keep a car and a nightmare every time you want to drive it somewhere. So pretty much reliant on the inflexibility of public transport and taxis.

I couldn't do it, even on a trial basis. I would lose my entire social network, which is based around sport, in one fell swoop and it couldn't be replaced.
It sounds as if OP has a similar situation.

Plus u will make new friends.

I don't think OP wants to make new friends; she wants to keep the ones she already has.

Why don’t you look to rent in London for a bit to see if it is somewhere you’d really like to live again?

I would rather lose my husband to London than give up our fabulous life in the country .

Grim smelly noisy place filled with too many humans. Green fields and sheep or polluted air and way too many people. Thank goodness we both think alike .

Midlife crisis. I think OP... hopefully it will pass.

I could say the same about green fields and sheep. Thankfully I don't have a lack of imagination and can see the good and bad in both choices.

I would park the children issue, in 3 years your youngest will be in an entirely different place, and that's if DC finishes uni. If it was my DH I'd look into cost of housing etc, may be rent somewhere for 6 months and then make a firm decision. If you both can't agree then sadly one will end up unhappy or worse. I wish you luck in a resolution.

Moving to London after the children have left the nest and being able to afford to do it! Most peoples dream

I’m team husband. I moved to a really safe, beautiful, peaceful area but kept a little place in London. I’m a long way from college with my DDs but as soon as they fly the nest I’ll be heading back to the city. There’s just so many more options …

We swapped a 4-bed house in Walthamstow for a 2-bed flat in Fitzrovia just off Oxford St and have lived every minute. So I can see why your DH wants to do it. But a flat with “spare rooms for the children” (note the plural)? Right now 2-beds run at about £1 million, 3 beds 1.5 and 4 beds (when you can find them) 2 million. If you really have that kind of money, you have other options. A 1-bed pied-à-terre in central London while downsizing in the area where you now live, for example. As for the children and their family home, they don’t care nearly as much as they say/you think they do.

I think @YDBear is right about this. They may look in on us, but they won't come back to live.