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Original poster

Trip to Pakistan with dad or grandmother - identity card or visa on British passport?

81 replies

FeelingGuilty151 · 13/10/2022 22:48

So I was wondering about what would be the most sensible thing to do as my nana and dad have suggested that I go to Pakistan with either of them next year at some point when they go

They suggested I apply for a Pakistani identity card (NIPOC or Pakistani origin card) for overseas Pakistanis and their relatives and offspring as it would give me indefinite visa free access to the country with no restrictions, allowing possible employment, bank account creations and buying land. Or the alternative is a time restricted visa

I am more swayed towards applying for a visa on my British passport as perhaps the identity card could cause issues with the British Home office from helping me if I ever needed to be brought back to the UK

what would you suggest I do?

OP posts:
CatHatSat · 13/10/2022 23:06

I would use the British passport with a visa for sure, because, as you say, you get extra consulate protections.

I am sorry to ask, and I hope I don’t offend. I have some friends who can’t ever visit Pakistan because they know they will be married off by relatives. Are you confident you will be safe?

Redhop · 13/10/2022 23:06

It depends on your reason for going?

CallTheMobWife · 13/10/2022 23:12

The NIPOC makes no difference to your status as a British citizen, or to whether you could gain assistance from the High Commission etc.

Original poster
FeelingGuilty151 · 14/10/2022 00:03

I have absolutely no idea as I was just asked out of the blue by both of them if I wanted to go with them. My nana brought it up to me a few months ago and I said what if someone wants to marry me and she said to me that nobody would be able to marry me because if I said no then nothing would happen, they’d have to just get over themselves. My mum told me that her mum’s sister’s grandson asked for my hand in marriage and apparently my grandmother shut it down saying that she has higher standards for her granddaughter than to marry her to her sister’s grandson. Also, earlier this year my first cousin (my dad’s brother’s son) asked to marry me and I was with a woman at the time and obviously I said to my mum I wasn’t sure and my mum was like do you want time to think about it and I was like yeah but what if he’s just doing it for the visa to come here, then nothing has been mentioned since I reckon she just told them I wasn’t interested

My mum says that she had no choice in her marriage but that her mum has changed now and none of them would be able to do anything like force me or harm me as they wouldn’t do such a thing

so I don’t know really

OP posts:
Maray1967 · 14/10/2022 00:07

I think you could be in a very risky situation here. British passport is a must if you go - but why do you want to go? What is the reason? This sounds very much like they have marriage plans for you.

ilovepixie · 14/10/2022 00:16

How old are you? When you say you were with a woman do you mean you are gay?

TempNameChangexx · 14/10/2022 00:26

I wouldn't go at all if I was you tbh....

BEAM123 · 14/10/2022 00:54

I wouldn't go, it sounds odd and you sound like you are very much relying on things you think that your grandparents may or may don't think.
Ask them straight out if they plan to marry you off over there, and look them in the eye when you ask.

There are laws here to protect women from forced marriage, here is a link in case you ever need it.

www.gov.uk/apply-forced-marriage-protection-order

If you decide to go, use your British passport and make sure you have the British consulate number saved in your phone contacts

NoSki · 14/10/2022 00:57

Why are you going if you don’t know if you are coming back?

Original poster
FeelingGuilty151 · 14/10/2022 00:59

ilovepixie · 14/10/2022 00:16

How old are you? When you say you were with a woman do you mean you are gay?

I’m in my early 20s and I was in a relationship with a woman but broke up with her earlier this year. My mum knew about it when I ran away from my grandmothers to an accommodation

OP posts:
RandomCatGenerator · 14/10/2022 01:03

Hi OP. Sorry, when and why did you run away from your grandmother?

I would think carefully before going. If you do go and there are concerns about forced marriage - which it sounds like there are - tell friends where you are going and when you’ll check in with them, so that if you don’t check in as expected, they can contact the British High Commission/Foreign Office consular services to tell them you’ve gone missing and where you are.

ilovepixie · 14/10/2022 01:05

It sounds like they are going to arrange a marriage for you, or even worse! Especially as being Muslim and gay. I would be very careful.

RandomCatGenerator · 14/10/2022 01:08

Oh - and if you’re a British passport holder, it doesn’t matter how you enter the country. You’re still a Brit and entitled to consular protection.

Unless you’re worried about cost of visa, I’d go on the British passport though anyway. Just to be safe and have your entry into Pakistan recorded as being by a Brit national.

BEAM123 · 14/10/2022 01:12

I am sorry but I have a feeling that if a woman is thought to be gay it is more likely that the family will try to marry her off to "cure" her.

Please don't go, and do not apply for the Pakistani residence card.

Pixiedust1234 · 14/10/2022 01:25

Red flags are waving everywhere op, I wouldn't go either. They've already talked about two arranged marriages which they don't think were suitable. What happens if they do find a suitable one, especially for a gay girl?

SeatonCarew · 14/10/2022 01:25

Going sounds like a very bad idea OP, please don't go. ☹️

magma32 · 14/10/2022 01:29

OP I’m Pakistani and in your situation I definitely would not go. Why tf can’t you just go on holiday without marriage being in the convo! Just say no and don’t be apologetic. The cheek of it in this day and age.

magma32 · 14/10/2022 01:31

Sorry I just read the bit about you running away from your grandmothers. I don’t need to ask for any details there just say no.

Original poster
FeelingGuilty151 · 14/10/2022 01:37

Because I couldn’t see my ex freely as much as I’d like to so I ran away from home a couple times to sleep over at my ex’s house and the lack of freedom starting to really annoy me as I wanted to do things my parents opposed. So I ended up moving into my grandmothers and I told my grandmother that I’m going out to town and I’ll be back, my mum had me on this tracker app and she started getting paranoid accusing me of not actually being at the restaurant so I sent her the receipt and then it just put me off going back to my grandmothers so I moved out to a flat.

long story short I moved back into my parents and apparently they won’t stop me from going out of town as long as they know I’m safe. Although I haven’t been out of town since

OP posts:
Original poster
FeelingGuilty151 · 14/10/2022 01:39

Apparently they wouldn’t do anything to hurt us and wouldn’t force us to marry anyone as it would be our own choice. But for one of my parents to be so against me going to Pakistan as she “cared about her daughters protection and self respect” to all of a sudden being okay with it is a bit strange

OP posts:
Original poster
FeelingGuilty151 · 14/10/2022 01:41

Not so long ago my sister asked if our dad force her to marry a man and he said absolutely not it’s a major sin, I cannot force you to do anything I can only guide you and hope you follow the right path. And I asked my mum if my dad would ever want me to marry a guy from Pakistan and she said no, she said he might be like oh this guy is nice he’s educated and good looking what do you think but he wouldn’t do anything like that

yet she always argued with him whenever he wanted to take us to Pakistan saying we’d never marry anyone from her and have a shit life

OP posts:
Rosiecass · 14/10/2022 01:46

Don't go, like someone already said... alarm bells are ringing all over the place . Don't let your family control you or your life , make your own choices and live the that makes you happy

Rosiecass · 14/10/2022 01:46

Rosiecass · 14/10/2022 01:46

Don't go, like someone already said... alarm bells are ringing all over the place . Don't let your family control you or your life , make your own choices and live the that makes you happy

Live the life that makes you happy **

magma32 · 14/10/2022 01:52

When you get to my age you realise that most forced marriages aren’t forced by taking the girl kicking and screaming, it’s sweet talking her over a period of time and putting small amounts of pressure small enough for her not to notice it as pressure-it’s coercion -many girls I know back in the day would appear to have agreed to the marriage so to the outsider it seems they weren’t forced but the description fits the definition of forced marriage that we have in the U.K. that talks about coercion rather than a bullet to the head. It’s very subtle op and family members who talk about marriage and taking you to a foreign country at the same time shouldn’t be trusted, well it’s very textbook from all the cases I’ve heard over time that have led to either some kind of honour killing or ‘suicide’. Ofcourse it could be completely innocent but why chance it? I mean if there is someone interested then surely you could get to know them online/zoom rather than going to the country. Seems abit much and why would you really want to marry someone from abroad with most likely different cultural values to you? I’m nearly 40 and even I was too British to be marrying a guy from back home, is there no potential suitors in the U.K.?

magma32 · 14/10/2022 02:03

Wtf you mum had you on a tracker app and you can’t leave town or there’s some debate about you leaving town, you’re in your early 20’s you’re not 12. My parents were typical controlling Pakistani parents but they would never have done this. I honestly would not trust any of them if I were you.