To wonder why some people don't work full-time?

[donniedarko89]

I was part-time myself while DD was very young as I wanted to spend time with her. I know many mums however who have stayed part time even after the kids go to school. They only work 2 or 3 days a week. The thing is, they're not loaded, on the contrary they keep complaining that finances are tight and they can't afford stuff - then why not increase your work days (they could all easily do it)? Some of them even have a cleaner. No hobbies on the side either. It genuinely puzzles me!

Because I don't want to spend my evenings and weekends doing all the domestic admin. I want my weekends and evenings to be quality time with my kids, not just spend that time yelling at them to leave me alone so I can clean/do laundry

this @MarvellousMonsters - there’s more to life than working, I do find the “career” women sorts seem to LIVE for their job, it’s like their identity.

My cousin has worked full time since her baby was 8 months but I think it’s because her partner is selfish or doesn’t earn enough. I can’t imagine it’s her ideal scenario.

I think working so much would really piss me off.

Pleased to hear it, @Topgub ! Those adjectives are clearly my words and describe my experiences. I merely wish to say I agree with your comments on this issue.

@Husbandintheroom

I've got my own ambition and drive, thanks.

@MarvellousMonsters

Why does your oh Why do you chase more and more money, working full time, ignoring his kids? Hardly parenting is it?

Because i fucking hate working and enjoy my time off. It makes me happy when I’m not in work

"Is he doing 50% of all direct childcare? Carrying 50% of the mental load? Doing 50% of the housework?"

Is this all that matters to you? 50%, 50%, 50%?

What type if marriage must it be where people are thinking in terms of who does this and who does that and percentages? It sounds very tit fit yay. Couldn't be doing with it. That sort of thing has nothing to do with equality in our marriage.

No he is not doing 50% of direct childcare because he has the burden of his work, which is variable and confidential, as I said. And I don't need him to do "50% of childcare" because I'm a SAHM! But that doesn't mean he has "absolved himself of parenting." In fact he does some things with them I don't do - like climbing mountains, or other sports.

He doesn't do housework because we have a cleaner.

I can't put percentages on things like that and I don't care.

I think there is the life admin aspect. Making phone calls to British Gas, etc. waiting in for repair technicians. Being there when the kids get home - some days. Also cleaning and organising the house. Arranging Christmas. It stresses some people when they feel they have too many tasks to do. I guess that the above is only relevant if you can afford to only work part-time.

I've met women who express that they think their husband should be the breadwinner and what they themselves provide should be just for financial extras. They do most of the housework and child-related stuff, and feel that that is 'work', and they don't have time for a full-time job. I get the impression that a kind of principle is at stake. With some women I've known, it's as if they feel that once they showed that they had time for full-time employment, that their partner would take it for granted that they would keep on doing it. Perhaps, once their partner, if self-employed, starting doing her part of the child duties and housework, he might find it was easy and that she had the cushier number.

Also, working part time must be almost, but not quite, like being a supply teacher, instead of a permanent teacher, on the books. You don't get sucked into the same level and calibre of office politics and certain stressful imperatives which put a strain on full-time workers. You might feel more like you're floating on the top of the ocean of responsibility.

Maybe it's a status thing, only working part time. Maybe it says: ' we are rich. I'm a certain sort of person'. Perhaps there is a clique type of thing going on, where part time has a certain cache, and belongs to a certain group identity.

Working full time is good, I think, if the kids are teenagers, and are happy about it and manage a lot of their own affairs.

It's doable, but I understand not for everyone and it depends on the job. Gym super close to the office/home if WFH, 30 or max 45 min class, shower and back. My gym also has a working area so that you can work from there if you are remote. It is quite healthy to get a mental and physical break in the middle of the day!

@ambermorning

Sorry I didn't understand most of that.

I only asked because you said that your oh did as much parenting as i did.

Which is obviously not the case.

I didnt say your oh had absolved himself of parenting.

Just that we, as parents, wanted equal parenting. Which you took acception to despite saying you don't want it.

Men outsourcing most of their domestic responsibility to women is as far from equality as you can get but if you're ok with that, crack on.

Who the hell calculates percentages in a marriage - 50% of this or 30% of that?! No one I know. I'm just glad I married a man who didn't assume that a) we'd be able to have children b) that if we did, I'd give up working c) he'd be sole earner d) I was magically better at doing all things child and domestic related e) he was magically better at having a good job and earning money

How gobsmackingly tone deaf and unempathetic do you have to be, in response to pps saying ‘maybe people want a work/life balance, some jobs are tough you know’, to come on and say ‘well I work ft and I’ve got a great work/life balance’. Unbelievable really.

@eastegg

thats what you think is tone deaf?!

Huh.

For me to work full time, I would have to do 4 long days at work, 8am to 8pm. This would mean I wouldn't see my child, only for 30 minutes in the morning. It would also mean my husband working those 4 days in the afternoon at home. He is the read winner in the household and pays the mortgage. As it is I work 1 long day and 3 half shifts. But I pay less in childcare because of the days/hours I work.

Based on her other fairly recent threads, I think OP is actually struggling with working life atm. As much as she seems to suggest otherwise on this thread.

Take that first sentence you’ve written there (it’s doable….), and apply it to the question ‘why do some people not want to combine FT work with having kids?’. There you go, job done.

Not everyone’s job is like yours.

I worked p/t in my teens, through out my high school, then full time until l had children, since then p/t - 3 days per week so that we can juggle childcare between us, and my hours are long ones so in 3 days l qualify as full time, my pay is good, and there are all the chores that need to be done, and l’m adamant on not wasting whole weekend on them…. I worked a lot in my lifetime and want to live to enjoy being old. Even this seems too much now, and l’d love to give up work all-together and focus on my family and our mental health, but l need to bring in my income so we can enjoy more things in life. And still l have 22 yrs until pension and l’m overworked already… unless it’s an issue of survival l’ll never go back to working full time!

The implication was everyone who does F/T is killing themselves and being a shit parent. I have just told you how I try not to kill myself and be a shit parent. Lots of activities at the weekend and squeezing in workouts whenever I can. It's by no means as relaxing or balanced as it would be if I were PT, but I am doing what I can.

I love working PT but could definitely do with the extra money if I were FT. I do it for many reasons, Mainly so I can be at home for my children and pick the youngest up from school. And also so I get two days to clean the house, or shop, or see friends for walks without it all being done over the weekends

It's by no means as relaxing or balanced as it would be if I were PT

@Eurydice84 you answered your own question 🙂

So with both my boys I have returned to work full time then gone part time when they start school.

The first time I had no choice but to go back full time. This time I decided to go back as my
work situation was different so could work from home ect. Financially I’m in a
much better place at 44 than I was first time round at 24. For me being able to finish work and do school pick ups is much better. Or having a day off a week to do house stuff means I can spend afternoons and weekends with them. Having done a year at home this time and having a child that loves nursery does help massively. Both my boys loved socialising and being around when they start school I felt was really important.

I’ve got a reason…. I work part time in a job I really love. Really, really love it. The pay is okay-ish.

Then one day a week I do a job I don’t like very much. They pay is absolutely bonkers. obscene. So I do this one day so the rest of the week I can part time the really fab job.

This this.

Saying “I don’t work because I don’t need to” generally doesn’t go down that well in the school playground, so they probably tend to say random things that underplay how much better off their families are than yours. It’s their way of being kind. Working full time, in this capitalist climate, when you don’t need to us insane.

I think a lot of it must be down to childcare & lack of flexi hours. Plus all the life admin that needs doing, house cleaning, cooking, etc. there simply isn’t enough time to do it in a weekend plus spend quality time with the kids. We really should go to a 4 day week (but schools remain 5 days 😂)so we have time to do everything needed. I also think once people go part time, it must be hard to motivate yourself to go full time again. You learn to manage on less & if that means less stress & less running yourself ragged, then why not. Of course, there will be some who are simply lazy (have grandparents & family support) & just can’t be bothered too.

I often wonder why people work full time when they don’t need to. Can you answer that? Greed?

My job wasn't available PT. A lot of jobs I see advertised aren't. There are lots of campaigns to increase job-sharing and PT roles, but the truth is that most companies still hire for full time roles.