To wonder why some people don't work full-time?

[donniedarko89]

I was part-time myself while DD was very young as I wanted to spend time with her. I know many mums however who have stayed part time even after the kids go to school. They only work 2 or 3 days a week. The thing is, they're not loaded, on the contrary they keep complaining that finances are tight and they can't afford stuff - then why not increase your work days (they could all easily do it)? Some of them even have a cleaner. No hobbies on the side either. It genuinely puzzles me!

@MaybeIWillFuckOffThen

Meh

Just like sahm can't make a point about being a sahm without being 'bitchy' about working mums

How odd. I work as much as I need to, 3 days a week or so. Who would work more than necessary 🤷‍♀️

If it puzzled you that much, you'd have asked them...

Men in general are at liberty to do what they like. But women don’t appear to be. This isn’t about you personally you know. You genuinely don’t need to respond to justify yourself to me in any way, I’m trying to make broader points here.

@ambermorning

At liberty to do what he likes.

Presumably one of has to work.

I actually agree with OP. Like she said kids are at school, so they are just chilling home alone

Yes there are broader points, but the 'broader' is made go of individuals.

Everybody has a hierarchy of priorities. Men and women do react differently after children come along, I don't care what anyone says. People live real lives in the here and now. Life is not a textbook. Most women will always put their children first, above some theory about "ideal societal working patterns." Some will SAH / work PT. Some will work because their kids need the money. Some will work because it makes them happy and a good mum is a happier mum, ultimately. There is no such thing as ideal. Only what's best for you,

You’re missing the impact of societal expectations in how people set priorities. Men being absolved of parental responsibilities isn’t very good for anyone, them included. Women not earning as much isn’t very good for anyone, then included. It’s not good enough to shrug and say ah that’s how it is is it?

My husband is at liberty to do what he likes. I've been with him almost 20 years. He has no issue expressing himself. If, at any point, he'd wanted to be at home more or whatever, then he could have communicated that.

He is the way he is and I am the way I am. That's why it works.

@ambermorning

You appear to be implying that a) men don't put their children first and b) that working full time means you're not putting your children first.

The wee dig there about a happy mum being a better mum, like thats the only excuse

🤣

@ambermorning

You said up thread that you would not have worked. That the idea was grim

So what would have happened if he had wanted to be the one at home?

Tough shit?

Hardly at liberty to do what he likes

I don't understand why a working man with a SAHM is "absolving himself of parenting duties", yet a working woman with a nanny / childcare is "doing everything a SAHM does."

So my husband does what he does, If I were to go out to work tomorrow and we had a full-time nanny to replace me, how would he be "absolving himself of parenting" any less?

I don’t work because I love hiking ! But I do decorate the house when I’m back .

Again this is not about you.

I work part time in 2 jobs and I’m currently doing an MSc. I also have a school age daughter. Is that ok?

I also find this fascinating like I get different priorities and each time their own but this sense that women should be at home more than the man is very strong still it sounds seen don’t here men doing it much.
It also seems like a massive lifestyle choice and almost luxurious when not paying childcare anymore ! I guess they must have well off partners on the main !

No option to tell you you’re being unreasonable but YES you are! What a ridiculous judgment to make 😅

@ambermorning

Men and women react differently after children. Remember?

Women prioritise their kids and men don't.

You answered your own question.

"So what would have happened if he had wanted to be the one at home?"

Er, we would have had a discussion?

But frankly, I didn't marry that type of man. When he proposed he told me I wouldn't have to worry about money when we had a family. That's how he is.

I haven't read the whole thread so you might have already mentioned it, but the fact you're even asking this question makes me think you can't possibly have kids, otherwise the answer would be obvious to you.

Wrap around childcare is so fucking expensive that it would probably eat any extra money earned from going FT. Unless they're able to walk straight into something that pays £40/50k. Lots of people don't have that earning potential. And not everyone wants to do a high earning career.

A discussion?

And the outcome of that discussion would be?

Jeeze if my oh had proposed to me with the I dont view you as an equal id have kicked him in the face

I have depression so bad some days i can't get out of bed.
I work just 6 hours a week, and not every week.

I work part time as my mother's my sons carer when im at work. Plus the fact i rate spending time with my son more than I spend time making money. And a third reason it doesn't pay me to work anymore hours as id just be giving it to the taxman and childcare. Oh and no i couldn't do additional hours even if i wanted to as my mothers also looking after my father who has a life limiting illness.
Anyway i think its a snooty attitude to take considering you worked part time when your children/child were little.
I think it's the idea that people are judgemental that put women off dropping to parttime.

Topgub - when your " SAHM model" works, it works. That's all I can say.

3 days here as have baby (worked full time term time for last 8 years whilst DDs at primary). I'm hoping to never go full time again, not whilst my baby is still at school anyway. For my DH the majority of the last 14 years (and the next 16 years whilst DD grows up), he goes to work, does help with housework tbf and goes gym, football, pub etc. for me, I have worked and done childcare, school runs, housework, I do all the life admin, sort the kids for all clubs etc etc, my brain never stops. I may go to 4 days when DD goes school, I may not, DH has a decent job and that day or two off I would spend doing housework, life admin etc so that I can finally have my own hobbies and evenings/weekends to myself and pick my little lady up from school/spend time with her in school hols.