To wonder why some people don't work full-time?

[donniedarko89]

I was part-time myself while DD was very young as I wanted to spend time with her. I know many mums however who have stayed part time even after the kids go to school. They only work 2 or 3 days a week. The thing is, they're not loaded, on the contrary they keep complaining that finances are tight and they can't afford stuff - then why not increase your work days (they could all easily do it)? Some of them even have a cleaner. No hobbies on the side either. It genuinely puzzles me!

Reading this thread it's nice as a woman in my 50s to see my grown up kids happy and well adjusted and with my own career firmly established through being a WOHP. Women can be so undermining to each other sometimes and I wouldn't like to be a young mum returning to work and seeing some of the shit on here about miserable and mean children who get dumped in childcare by their parents - oops- I meant by their mums who clearly just want to buy more handbags!

Far more women want to be SAHMs than men want to be SAHDs. If that were not the case, men would always have been SAHDs!

... or who wouldn't be able to hack being a SAHM. I'm sure I could have managed being at home!

@ambermorning

How can they when all women secretly want to be a sahm?

When has what women want stopped men, Topgub?

Well, that’s rather the point, isn’t it? If those careers had been as great as you suggest, why would you choose to give it up?

I gave up a very successful career in the City after my dc was born. It was a difficult decision because I had enjoyed my job a lot and it paid very well. However, it involved a lot of traveling abroad and late evenings in the office. Together with my partner, I made the decision to give up my career in order for me to look after the kids. My partner continued to focus on their career and it's worked out really well for us both. I miss aspects of my job, but I don't regret my decision to quit. I find looking after our family and home very rewarding and my partner is enjoying a rewarding career!

I’ve just seen this on a thread about giving birth and it seems apt to add here:

Our entire society was run in what was best for men!

And still is - or what they thought was best (check earlier death rates, higher comorbidity, depression rates etc).

@ambermorning is there not even the tiniest part of you thst is curious as to why, on the surface at least, more men want to stay in work than women? Nope? Nothing?

@ambermorning

Not very often.

I do think parenting is one area where men get the harder end of the deal.

Society tells them dads are disposable and there to provide money only.

Lots of women reinforce that message because it suits them.

Its not great.

@RJnomore1 but just because I earn less doesn't mean that I'm earning crap money..

The reason I earn less is because of the work that I chose to go into. Dh just happens to earn a lot because there's good money in what he does.

Before I met dh I had relationships with men who earns the same or less than me, I don't see how that would have meant I was any better off?

If they were saying "lucky them!" Then that woul be fine and not bitchy. But it's all "don't know what they do all day", "it's not fair expecting their husband to do all the work while they sit around" etc... Bitchy see?

@MaybeIWillFuckOffThen

No not really.

Its a fair point.

• fair point that 1 person has all the financial stress not that they sit about all day

I worked full time before my daughter. When she was 1 I went back to work 2 days a week. She has just started school and I'm still working 2 days. I'm a single parent with no family help at all and I'm exhausted as it is. There is no way I could work full time as well as care for her and keep the house to a reasonable standard.

its not about men earning less is it, it’s about why women don’t earn more and why even if they do earn good money which you say you do and I have no reason to disbelieve, they think they should be the one to give that up, even partially, to facilitate a man to earn more.

And why the pattern is almost always in that direction. And why women choose, as you did, to go into careers that pay less. Not in one family but on a societal level. Would you, if you earned the same or more than your husband, have considered together a different set of options? Again I’m not looking for an answer because one person justifying their choices isn’t needed, but the overall consideration of why the same things come up time and time and time again is definitely needed.

Oh and I do not believe for one minute thst men “just happen” to earn more time and time and time again.

@ambermorning is there not even the tiniest part of you thst is curious as to why, on the surface at least, more men want to stay in work than women? Nope? Nothing?

Actually can you not see why women might be better suited to giving birth and breastfeeding their children? Why women might actually enjoy nurturing their families? Why men enjoy working outside the home more? Nope? Nothing?

@Lilacsunflowers

Why women might actually enjoy nurturing their families? Why men enjoy working outside the home more?

No.

It’s a huge disappointment to tiger mothers when their perceived sacrifice (‘CHOOSING to give up their careers to look after their families and homes’) doesn’t deliver a tangible benefit. That must be upsetting

Wow, more judgmental assumptions?!

@Topgub let's just respectfully agree to disagree then

"@ambermorning is there not even the tiniest part of you thst is curious as to why, on the surface at least, more men want to stay in work than women? Nope? Nothing?"

Of course I know why men haven't wanted to be default parents through history. Please don't patronise me. But, just because men have shunned childcare or demeaned it, doesn't mean I have to follow suit. I don't measure myself against what I think men may or may not think, or have thought through history. Ultimately, I have one life and I will I do what suits me and what I think is best for my kids. Men in general are at liberty to do what they like.

@Lilacsunflowers

Why?

Kind of defeats the point of commenting.

I dont believe in sexist gender stereotypes

🤷‍♀️

And your point is caller? I gave birth, breastfed and nurtured my children twice and still worked full time except for mat leave. My dad in the 80s dropped to part time for a while to spend time with me. My husband was primary cared for our girls for some extended periods.

of course some women prefer not working. Of course some men prefer working. As a woman I prefer working a million times over. My point is why is it so skewed in the way it is?

Im not getting in a box for anyone. I hope my daughters don’t. I hope your daughters don’t. I hope your sons don’t. I hope your children are not reduced in their choices due to what’s between their legs. I wish better for them.

@ambermorning

Your oh isn't

Well if it's a fair point surely it could be made without the bitchy aside about how the PT/SAHP occupies their time. But it tends not to doesn't it?

"Your oh isn't"

Isn't what?