To wonder why some people don't work full-time?

[donniedarko89]

I was part-time myself while DD was very young as I wanted to spend time with her. I know many mums however who have stayed part time even after the kids go to school. They only work 2 or 3 days a week. The thing is, they're not loaded, on the contrary they keep complaining that finances are tight and they can't afford stuff - then why not increase your work days (they could all easily do it)? Some of them even have a cleaner. No hobbies on the side either. It genuinely puzzles me!

15 years ago, I would have given anything to be able to work PT, have more time with my kids and for myself, but it just wasn't an option financially.

15 years on and I am so thankful. 3 promotions later, I earn well and enjoy the luxury of not having to worry about budgets, can buy what I want within reason. More importantly, I get to plan to retire early with a good income.

At 30 ish, it's easy to assume that working at 60 is fine and not much different. For many, it becomes much much more difficult and tiring but you are still young enough to be able to do a lot outside of work and have fun. Not everyone is in bad health. Being able to make the most of it from 55 or even 60 is fantastic.

As for the children? Well mine grew up to be very kind (they always were), hard working, ambitious and resilient. They are happy, healthy and emotionally well adjusted.

Do I have any regrets? Hell no! I'm counting the years to retirement with great plans afterwards that I'll be able to afford. I can't imagine having to work until 67 and then only have enough to pay my bills and have just very limited disposable income for the occasional treat.

You know who you are.

Defend your little islands.

Keep on justifying… keep on pretending.

Kids need someone at home, some of the time. I’ll say it one last time: wraparound care and full time holiday care on a 48 week schedule is horrific for kids and everyone with a single brain cell can surely see that.

Just keep deluding yourselves that that’s ok. That’s fine.

@freyamay74

Indeed. But as a PP has pointed out, I strongly suspect behind a lot of these anti working mother rants is someone who previously thought she had to give up any control over her own life and financial freedom "for the children" and then discovers to her her fury that most children of working parents end up just fine and that she was sold a pup.

I mean, if my dh had fucked off and I'd been a single mum outsourcing childcare, then @ChangeOver22 would graciously accept that my situation is ok, I'm doing well, and my children will be magically protected from becoming delinquents.

Why would outsourcing childcare be any less damaging if you're a single parent?

@ChangeOver22

Just keep deluding yourselves that that’s ok. That’s fine.

I'm going to ask you again. What specifically would you like working mothers to do to achieve this goal?

If you're going to come on here and froth at the mouth about how evil what we do is you need to put your money where your mouth is and say what you think we should do about it.

@FlamencoDance
You are definitely not rubbish, you are spot on, please keep posting.

With this "division of tasks" argument and "we are a team, he earns the money and I do the homemaking", women who give up their careers don't realise they are becoming increasingly vulnerable as their earning power decreases (partner sick, death, divorce, etc). And in those events, if you didn't put the effort in, you are back in the minimum wage or entry level job all on your own.

I would like the same for DS than DDs. For my DS I don't want him a 14 hour day job to allow his partner to be confortable at home. Because I think he deserves the same.
In my view the team is stronger when you have the same, making both money and enjoying some quality time too.

@ChangeOver22

No one is deluding themselves.

I think maybe you're just ignorant of the realities of working full time?

Have you ever done it? The average full time working week is between 40 and 42 hours

It is possible to do that and have someone at home, some of the time.

Do people not think about everything else that goes on in society apart from working, child care and 'ladies who lunch?'

I work part time but the rest of the time I am running a Food Bank, volunteering with rough sleepers and organising lunch clubs for old folks. There are so many things that go on in the community that would fall apart if it wasn't for part time workers and active retired people. All of my colleagues at the FB work part time (or are 'housewives') .... how do you think these services function? Of course it's a different argument to say the 'state' should provide support but we all know it doesn't.

Because work is an utter ballache and the less I can do of it the better. I didn't feel this way before kids, I very much do now. It's all so silly and pointless most of the time.

But coming back to the op: if those families can afford cleaners they clearly are comfortable enough financially to choose not to work full time. Why would that be hard to comprehend?

In my view the team is stronger when you have the same, making both money and enjoying some quality time too.

Assuming children exist, where do they go?

If I genuinely thought that working full time meant my oh wouldn't be able to spend enough time with his kids, to the point he couldn't love them or their mh would be damaged, I wouldn't let him do it

But as we've seen through out the thread, women who are hugely critical of working full time are happy for their oH to do it. Just not them. Or other women.

With this "division of tasks" argument and "we are a team, he earns the money and I do the homemaking", women who give up their careers don't realise they are becoming increasingly vulnerable as their earning power decreases

I think you are underestimating a lot of women's intelligence and understanding of the situation.

@Ragwort

That rather the negates the I work part time/not at all to devote my time to my children/cba working at all arguments, doesn't it?

Most sahms are involuntary through lack of childcare

They're not volunteering

@ChangeOver22 we hear you. You're a mummy martyr and you expected some sort of weird 'pay back' for the choices you've made. You wanted your children to be happier, cleverer, nicer than other kids. And it grieves you to realise that hey, other kids are lovely and well adjusted too.

To quote your words back to you, 'keep deluding yourself if you want.'

Kids need someone at home, some of the time. I’ll say it one last time: wraparound care and full time holiday care on a 48 week schedule is horrific for kids and everyone with a single brain cell can surely see that
Then how do explain that many kids live it, thrive on stimulation, and are much happier than rather than stuck in front of the TV like so many coming home with their parents end up?

You are clearly the one in complete denial of the reality. Why?

Work life balance, not working full time is a luxury

Some sweeping generalisations here. Not working full time isn't a luxury for everyone, it's a necessity for some I can't leave my 5 and 7 yr olds to walk the 4.5 miles home from school on country roads with no pavements to let themselves in and wait til 6pm when I might get home.

This makes no sense. It doesn't matter the reasons if you truly believe childcare causes children to be mean bullies - yet you're only 'looking at' the parents who are interested in their career?

I've no skin in this game - no childcare here but even I can see you're being totally ridiculous.

And 'you've seen the truth' - what every single child on the planet? get over yourself!

We have a cleaner who obviously does cost money but nowhere near as much as it would cost me to go part time!

In our case it will be a combination of a lack of family around and an inability to afford many days of childcare for the younger child means I will be very part time so we will be topped up with UC. Also not many jobs around for 9am-3pm to fit the school run.

@ChangeOver22 I think the 50's want you back.

@Brieandcamembert What is wrong with having an UC top up in that scenario for example? Sometimes you want to work more but the employer doesn't give you the hours.

Feeding, clothing or keeping those kids warm isn't really life essentials I guess...