To wonder why some people don't work full-time?

[donniedarko89]

I was part-time myself while DD was very young as I wanted to spend time with her. I know many mums however who have stayed part time even after the kids go to school. They only work 2 or 3 days a week. The thing is, they're not loaded, on the contrary they keep complaining that finances are tight and they can't afford stuff - then why not increase your work days (they could all easily do it)? Some of them even have a cleaner. No hobbies on the side either. It genuinely puzzles me!

It's obvious that, once children come along, all families have to compromise to some extent.

A society in which all parents are working 40 hours per week and babies / toddlers are spending long days in childcare or after school clubs or home alone is not ideal. That was the compromise, in my case, I was NOT prepared to make. No way Jose. Never even entertained that. Others may be ok with it though and I don't see that as any of my business.

The mum working PT or SAHM model has its benefits and it compromises too - the compromise obviously being the impact on a woman's earning potential / career objectives. This will be more if an issue for some women than others. Again, it's up to the individual.

The both parents working shifts around each other so they don't have to use childcare sounds all well and good, but it only really applied to some types of career. It could also be very self-limiting for a family in terms of opportunities and being able to progress. Probably works if you have a fixed job with fixed hours and a fixed pay scale and are happy to plod along like that for life. But many people don't see life through that sort lens and would feel stuck in a rut.

Bit of a goady thread IMO but I am part-time (what do we actually mean by part-time though - I do 26 hours a week) even though my DS is at school because:

• we have absolutely no family support around us
• despite having applied for after school club 18 months before we needed it I didn't get offered a place and had to negotiate new hours with work
• unlike friends in the NHS I don't get PAID family leave so it helps to be part time to cover holidays.
• There are fewer holiday clubs available post-Covid and the last time I booked one it got cancelled at the 11th hour because of staff sickness which caused a huge amount of stress

So for me it's a balance of money and practicality, DS works in an industry where he could in theory go part time but the expectation would be that he does the same work which would essentially be unpaid. In this situation made more sense I went part time

@ambermorning

What are the benefits to the mum part time/sahm model?

"What are the benefits to the mum part time/sahm model?"

There are obviously loads of benefits Topgub. It's feels a bit disingenuous to describe them though because I realise working PT or being a SAHM is simply not an option for many women.

@ambermorning

I cant think of any

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I feel like a lot of people haven't really read the OP, this is about working part time and moaning about lack of money, when people could increase their hours and therefore have more money.

If you work PT and it suits your life then great! But that isn't what OP was asking

Topgub - if you can't think of any, it's probably because you would not have had anything to bring to the SAHM role. You can't do something if you don't understand it or if you just don't have it in you. Sorry to be blunt.

@ambermorning

The sahm role isn't any different from any other parenting role, dont kid yourself on it takes special skills lol

It's a bit like some people don't see the point of having animals in their lives (not that I'm comparing children to animals)! Some people get nothing out of it - they "can't think of any benefits" - because they simply don't connect in that way. Other people get a huge amount out of animals and have a huge amount to give as well.

@ambermorning

That analogy only works if you're comparing people with children and people without

Not differing styles of parenting

What you're trying to say is that being a sahm is so superior only the best mums can do it.

If that's what you need to tell yourself

🤷‍♀️

Because they want to and they can.

I don't care if being a SAHM is a special skill, Topgub. It doesn't matter. I don't care what anyone thinks. There nothing to prove. It's simply that I would never have entertained anything else and that's the end of it.

As I said, other people are perfectly happy to use childcare and that's no concern of mine. I don't judge them. It's just not what I would want.

@ambermorning

Bit of a backtrack there.

I mean I could just as easily turn it around and say that the working mum model has its obvious benefits but you're clearly not cut out for it

Shame your children are missing out on those benefits

Head tilt.

The judgment is clear.

'Topgub - if you can't think of any, it's probably because you would not have had anything to bring to the SAHM role'

Miaow

Topgub - I have already said there will be benefits to the working mum model - not least the money and (for many women) financial independence.

The whole point of my post is that there are pros and cons to any family set up. You pick your pros and you pick your cons basically. It's not a competition. Why be so touchy about this?

@ambermorning

Its not me who is being touchy to the pint catty comments are required

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I'm not touchy. I disagree with you. There's a difference.

A benefit to an individual getting to do what they want to do is not the same as a model having benefit on a wider scale.

freyamay74 - it's true though. If you don't understand the benefit of something, it probably means you have nothing to bring to that role so you're better off not doing it..

Like if you think bankers are wankers, don't di that then. Or social media influencers / advertisers/ media-types are full of shite, don't do that then. Or SAHMs just "do nothing" - well don't do that then, for gods sake.

I've got an ex-friend who is still working part-time despite her DC being nearly an adult. She just refuses to work full time because apparently she has housework to do. She has always relied on the man on her life or her parents to bring in the income. She never had any money but could manipulate others into paying for her.

I don't understand why anyone would not want to be financially independent. If I could afford it, I would love to work 4 days but that isn't going to happen.

Anyway, meeting someone for lunch now. Might be back later.

@ambermorning

Except I didnt say or even at hint at wanting to be a sahm.

Its not an ideal I secretly wish I could achieve.

Not because I couldn't, I could, easily but because I dont think its the ideal.

Its not achieving anything in terms of parenting that I'm not and would only bring negatives.

You honestly can't see ANY benefits of a parent choosing to spend time at home, looking after her family and home, rather than working full time?

@Lilacsunflowers

The question wasn't about a parent though.

It was about a model where women staying at home was the ideal.

I can see it has benefit to some individual women who don't want to work. And for men.

But as a model?

No.

I agree with 'working to live, not living to work'. If people can afford to enjoy life without offering their labour to outside employers, why shouldn't they?

I'm PT because I'm a bit lazy and I can afford to be.

@Lilacsunflowers

How many people can afford to enjoy life without working?

Who is paying them to enjoy life?