To wonder why some people don't work full-time?

[donniedarko89]

I was part-time myself while DD was very young as I wanted to spend time with her. I know many mums however who have stayed part time even after the kids go to school. They only work 2 or 3 days a week. The thing is, they're not loaded, on the contrary they keep complaining that finances are tight and they can't afford stuff - then why not increase your work days (they could all easily do it)? Some of them even have a cleaner. No hobbies on the side either. It genuinely puzzles me!

Oh and my DH does do his share of housework, even though I’m on maternity leave. Not every parent who chooses to work part time has a useless partner.

I could never get with someone so shackled to a damaging financial burden. If she's got kids he's paying for his kids. Find men without baggage or you're just stuck being poor with someone else.

I liked what PumkinSpice said.
I think people are full of self-doubt about whatever set up their family has, if others do things differently. It particularly seems to be women who have this self doubt about it all rather than the men worrying about it all.

You have to research the options, find works for you and do it and own it and live with it. Believe your choices are right for here and now and for you. It doesn’t matter if others choose a different path. And rarely do choices people make to work part time close all doors to the future. It is usually possible to change course as life changes. It might take a while, but those who want to adjust the way their family works, with a bit of planning and thought and time can usually so that if they really want to. So nothing has to be forever. In itself, that can be liberating to make choices for today, which dint have to be forever, although some will say a choice today will ruin the future entirely. It really won’t.

In many (not all) cases it is a choice though because people these days want it all).
And yes I apply the notion to the father too, hence I said ‘parents’.

I don't agree that most of the working people from 18-68 across the UK who are full time have the choice not to.

The kids were very almost adults, he paid CMS until eldest was 22! She blackmailed him at divorce to pay a type of spousal maintenance even though he was a very average earner (less than £30k).

If it was just CMS I’d understand but knowing he supported her lifestyle when she wouldn’t work full time to support herself makes my teeth itch.

This. ^ I know you can't help who you fall for, yada yada yada, but no way would I be getting involved with a man with so much baggage and as you say, a damaging financial burden. Fuck that LOL!

If me and DH split now (after nearly 30 years together,) I wouldn't even bother with another man. Don't need or want some middle aged man's old load of baggage, ex wives, adult or teen children, grandchildren, and bloody mother-in-laws and father-in-laws. And all his mates too. Nope, fuck that shit. It would just be me and my cat!

@ambermorning

I have claimed anything

It’s stopped now so I’ll bet my grannie’s heirloom the marriage to the new man, that she’s apparently been so set against, is on the cards! She’s a professional sponge with very few morals.

Completely agree with bells on. If I’d known then what I know now I’d have turned around. I love him to bits but really all the years of his greedy ex wife and kids have taken their toll big time!

My contract is part time (24 hours) as a nurse, I usually do 3 days a week. I can then pick up bank and agency work but when it suits me, rather than being committed to a roster. If I have a busy week out of work, or if I'm tired (perimenopause) or cba, I don't have to do extra shifts. This way DH and I can work around each other which cuts out the need for wraparound childcare - we have no family support nearby so it all has to be paid for - cancelling out any extra hours anyway.

At the minute I'm also studying for a career change so that's taking up two evenings a week.....

@WombatChocolate

I'm not full of self doubt.

Entirely confident and happy with our choices.

I dont think anyone posting sounds full of self doubt. Unaware of how sexism influences choices but not self doubt

Where are you getting that from?

I was part-time myself while DD was very young as I wanted to spend time with her.

as opposed to those who work full time don’t want to spend time with their children? Nothing to do with NEEDING to work full time.

do one!

You come across as so needlessly smug AND vicious at the same time! Here’s a thought for you: I gave up a career where I earned (at the time) x3 my DH and he was already on the mythical MN “six figure salary”. I CHOSE to do this because I CHOSE not to put my children into daycare (we don’t live in the UK).

I don’t think that my education and career choice and earning power up to the age of 37 was widely available to women in the 50s.

Your smug sweeping generalizations are so crude as to make one suspect a pretty hefty chip on your shoulder. Not everyone is like you, not everyone is the same, you don’t have the answers to all of life’s questions, you’re not succeeding in life any more or less than anyone else is. YOU - as a WOMAN fgs - are giving women a bad name and setting the cause back with your commentary.

Do find it interesting the people working PT that say “work to live” and there’s more to life than work. Are their FT partners afforded the same opinion/luxury? Is that even a consideration?

@Iamthewombat
”stalking” 🤣🤣.
You do realise that it’s a possibility to see poster’s previous posts, right?
Its curious to see an OP raising such a stupid, disingenuous post, based, allegedly on a “specific subset” of women when last night she was worried about her job, as per her post.
It is not obligatory to work full time.
She certainly doesn’t seem to have been doing it when she had young children (as this op says).
Everyone joining in on the full time equals independence etc are just responding to a particular view, that the OP doesn’t seem to endorse wholeheartedly.
So why bother engaging?
Its just a bun fight for little reason

I'm not living in the fifties, dh does plenty, we just found that me being part time works for us and our family. I think in the end this is what most people do really.

I work part time. I average about 23 hours a week, and my contracted hours are 18 - three days, 9-3. My DD is 5 and is in school.

I do it because it is so, so much better for our family. Before this, my DP and I both worked full time, and before that, I was working from home.

I do wish we had more money - but DP and I both agree the money isn't as important as the time. I currently work a job where I am five minutes from DD's school. I can drop everything if she is ill. I can bring her into work if I need to work extra hours. She enjoys being at my work, and she can join in (I work in a plant nursery; she loves helping me plant things out or doing the watering). I feel that it's such a healthy work/life balance, and I love that she can really understand that I am working.

The two days I'm off work, I actually earn more money, as I keep up a bit from my old job, and I am hoping to earn more again by doing some writing. But, I don't tell people about that. So, it might be that the OP's friends who seem to be doing nothing, are actually trying to work on things they don't discuss?

Yes, it is possible to see a poster’s previous posts by searching the site, but why would you want to? Unless you wanted to attempt a ‘gotcha!’ on the OP, of course. It failed, but it’s not a very nice thing to do, is it? It makes you look spiteful. Like a few of the other posters on this thread, not least the one ranting upthread at a PP:

Your smug sweeping generalizations are so crude as to make one suspect a pretty hefty chip on your shoulder.

You come across as so needlessly smug AND vicious at the same time!

you’re not succeeding in life any more or less than anyone else is.

YOU - as a WOMAN fgs - are giving women a bad name and setting the cause back with your commentary.

@FlamencoDance

Yep. It’s probably good for me to realise that people are still living in the fifties elsewhere. Depressing though it is.

😂 Why is it ALWAYS the 50s??? Women stayed at home with the children, decades BEFORE that - AND after. Such a cliched, naff, and predictable response on this type of thread!

FWIW, DP and I have regularly swapped the employee/stay home parent roles, and expect to continue to do so.

Trying to make this a sexist debate won’t work.

at the end of the day kids need love and attention. Doesn’t matter if it’s the mum or the dad working full time but not both.

why have kids just to outsource all the care of raising them?

What I find worth considering however - for everyone who's said: life admin falls entirely on me, DH works so much, etc- is that the vast majority of men I know have now got much greater flexibility and hybrid working options. True, it is not always possible in all fields, but even at top financial firms men have the option of WFH two days a week. It would be entirely possible for them to do school drop-offs/pick-ups, get some laundry done after lunch, etc