Mums friends since Dad passed, where are they?

[rottiesarebigteddybears]

My Mum and Dad (78 and 80) were really good friends with another couple and went on holidays together, days out etc. My mum went to school with the lady.
A couple of years ago my Dad passed away suddenly from a stroke. It's been really hard on us all, especially for Mum, they were married 50 years and did everything together :-(
It's really really annoying me though that the couple they were friends with don't visit her (maybe twice since Dad passed) they live 20 minutes away and drive. Mum admitted the other day that it makes her really sad, they just keep whatsapping her photos of their lovely days out!
It's infuriating me.
I messaged them this afternoon and said Mums a bit lonely and misses your friendship - maybe you could visit her more often.
I'm not sure if that was the right thing to do, but I do find it strange. It's almost as though now she's not part of a couple she doesn't matter. I don't understand their train of thought at all. Even at my age, if a friends husband passed away I'd visit her more/check in more often.

Imbued= invited

What about when people go into nursing homes.

My parent had a friend, they used to ring each other alot and chat.
Informed them parent was now in nursing home, my parent never heard another word from them. No xmas card nothing. Been friends for years.

@dottypotter I wonder if it's to do with facing your own mortality / potential future outcome, so it's easier to detach than try to keep in touch? Otherwise why wouldn't you still call someone in a care home?

@JacquelineCarlyle There might be something in that. People do kind of treat bereavement / care home situation as though it's infectious. :-(
My own mum used to see her cousin almost weekly. I think the cousin made it to the care home to see Mum ONCE, in the eight months she was in there.

It is just so sad @mamabear715 - wonder if we'll be the same if (when!) our time comes or given we have the awareness, we will consciously behave differently?

It IS sad, @JacquelineCarlyle - there were rarely other visitors at Mum's care home when my sister & I visited. The home specialised in dementia, so I guess people thought (maybe) that Mum et al wouldn't remember them. She absolutely remembered cousins etc as her memory was brilliant for anything in the past. She didn't remember my sis & I, but we still went. I do hope it will be different for us.. I know life has to go on, but it's harsh.

Sad op I feel for your mam. I saw my true friends when our dad died. My mam was saying women can be mean oh we have our husbands its like you are a threat. Its not nice. She 80

I was widowed aged 55. Our friends (spread around the country) were great initially. Then I started to notice that the various annual parties that we always got together for, happened without me being invited. That's when I realised that my life was going to be different.

Hope you're ok @saraclara and that you've found your people.

Thank you. I'm doing okay, but it's no surprise that most of the friends who are still around or that I've made since, are single women. I miss chatting with couple friends. I like my female friends, but I miss the added male perspective on life.

That is crap @saraclara, sorry you've had to go through this.