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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Demanding cat - to want some time to myself??

147 replies

Nymeria6 · 12/10/2022 19:44

This is going to sound ridiculous but here goes.

Me and DP have a 14 month old cat. I have completely babied her which I will admit. She sleeps on my bed with me and she is lavished with attention from us both.

However it's now getting too much. She follows us around the house meowing at us constantly, when we are watching TV she sits staring at us like every single day, all day. She freaks out when we close a door if we need the loo or I'm on a work call for example.

She has everything she could possibly want. I walk her in the garden (she's house cat) every time she wants to go out. She's entertained by us etc.

I just want some time to myself after work and I've cleaned up. She has poo DP harassed when he sits on the couch after 12 hour shifts.

She's neutered. Vaccinated. Eating well etc.

What do I do? I'm giving up watching a film atm. She's eyeballing me...

OP posts:
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Original poster
Nymeria6 · 13/10/2022 08:10

catlyf · 12/10/2022 23:50

I just knew she'd be a BSH! I have 2, they love tearing around the house together. Mine are indoor only too, a) they're stupid and b) one is deaf. I did see once though that taking them outside could lead to frustration vs just keeping them inside 100% of the time.

I'd get another kitten when finances allow but also get used to a bit of staring!! She's gorgeous btw.

Aw thank you, she is. She used to be like that like frustrated because she wanted to go out but now I have to encourage her. She was stung by a bee in the summer and scared stiff by a firework last week. She jumped right up into the air.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nymeria6 · 13/10/2022 08:11

Sweettea89 · 12/10/2022 22:56

Or you could try calmers like feliway, hemp oil etc if you think it's more anxiety based.

No but its definitely worth a look. Thank you

OP posts:
EsmeShelby · 13/10/2022 08:12

Mine goes out and entertains himself. He is not timid.I wish he would snuggle up!

HairyMothballs · 13/10/2022 08:14

Wolfiefan · 12/10/2022 20:02

She’s bored and lonely. She can’t go out. She’s after your attention.

this.
Cats aren't meant to be indoors all the time. I've had many cats over the past 42 years. They all had the freedom to come and go as the pleased, during the day (in at night)

Original poster
Nymeria6 · 13/10/2022 08:14

jennyofthenorth · 13/10/2022 01:11

Yep! i would consider another kitty. Otherwise can you get those toys that hold treats? They have to figure out how to manipulate the toy to get the treat, enrichment toys. totally worth it (though my cats a bit ummmm slow and it took her a good long time to figure it out

Yes got the little ball thing she doesn't know how to work it...she's bit thick :) might get puzzle one though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nymeria6 · 13/10/2022 08:17

NightsByTheLake · 13/10/2022 00:08

I think you’re being a bit dramatic to be honest.

So what is she follows you around. Feed her, give her treats and play with her a few times throughout the day to entertain her and keep her active. Let her cuddle up to you when you’re done and want to watch tv or let her choose to stare at you, it’s fine. She doesn’t seem to want to be an outdoor cat so this is her life and you are her whole life. You’ve made the two of your her life and now it’s ‘too much’. 😬 Just get on with it, love her, live your life, she’ll fit in around you, she’ll sleep more in a few years.

It's only too much when out of 24 hours we devote 22 hours to her but she still wants the other 2. The staring is fine but we don't know why she's doing it.

She doesn't want to go out. Or go out without me. She walks herself back into the house when she's done.

OP posts:
outtheshowernow · 13/10/2022 08:18

Put her in another room !!!!! For goodness sake it's a cat. Better still let it out and do the stuff it's spose to be doing like hunting and climbing trees. It's cruel to keep a cat indoors

Original poster
Nymeria6 · 13/10/2022 08:19

HannaHanna · 13/10/2022 03:38

She needs a reset. I went through months of my cat waking me up to be fed in the night several times. I stopped reacting and eventually she stopped trying. Now she leaves me alone. Her brother took over the role, we shut them out of the bedroom. Now we can leave the door open and they’ll come in sometimes, but have stopped demanding food.

I read that their mothers ignore them and walk away when they misbehave.

It’s not easy to do, but you can change their behavior by not reacting.

Oh fab thanks xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Nymeria6 · 13/10/2022 08:20

HannaHanna · 13/10/2022 03:41

This book is great.

www.goodreads.com/book/show/8979798-the-cat-whisperer

Netflix also has a documentary called Inside the mind of a cat. We are watching it right now, actually!

Thank you v much for your help.

OP posts:
marmaladepop · 13/10/2022 08:22

Reallyreallyborednow · 12/10/2022 20:24

Get another cat. This is why many rescues will only give kittens in pairs — they really do need company during the day, and they’ll be much less needy

rescues give kittens in pairs as then they only need to find half the homes.

cats don’t need company, or not from other cats.

o/p you have an indoor cat, who appears to be very attached to you. Have you considered that she may not appreciate another cat? She may see it as competition for territory, both physical space and your attention.

i am one that got my cat a “friend” for company. While they seemed to get on, shared a basket etc, we had a hell of time with territorial stress behaviour. They shorted out my electrics, exploded two toasters and ruined carpets and furniture with stress peeing. The neediness got horrendous as they tried to compete.

in the end (this is after years of trying) we separated them and one went to my mum. They both were so much happier as only cats, all the stress behaviour stopped, and they became much more settled.

interestingly the one that went to my mum absolutely adored the dog, they were inseparable.

This. Cats are territorial and peeing and/or fighting will likely be a problem. She does sound bored though. I'd build up her confidence going outside. In the past I had a rescue cat who was pregnant. I kept two of her kittens. She was a great mum until they were weaned, then spent the rest of her life hissing, spitting and avoiding them.

PurpleWisteria1 · 13/10/2022 08:23

Cats are not meant to be kept locked up in a house. Very cruel IMO. Yes there are dangers outside but in protecting her from dangers you are not allowing her any freedom to explore, hunt, smell all the wonderful nature smells, sleep in the outside air.
Why anyone would get a cat and lock them up is totally beyond me. But then I hate all caged pets too. Nothing should be kept locked up for our pleasure and amusement.

marmaladepop · 13/10/2022 08:23

Pebblebeach15 · 12/10/2022 20:34

could your cat actually be more scared outside because she is on a lead . It limits her ability to potentially run , hide and jump from any perceived danger . All cats take their first steps outside cautiously . My boy would go stir crazy if he didn’t have his freedom .

Agree with this 100%

Danikm151 · 13/10/2022 08:23

My cat was really reluctant to go outside at first but took her out for short burst whilst putting the washing out. she would mowl at the door

Then left her on her own for an hour and built up. Now she asks to go out a fair bit. She doesn’t stray far but definitely less demanding

Original poster
Nymeria6 · 13/10/2022 08:23

mauveskies · 13/10/2022 03:43

Fat, angry, and a prisoner in your home. You have infantilised her.

  1. She's not angry whatsoever. 2. She's not fat she was weighed last week in in the vets and she is 3.5 so could afford with putting more weight on, it's just the way she's sitting, she's got big coat. 3. She's not trapped she doesn't want to go out and definitely not without me.

So thanks for your 2 pence but you don't know anything about my girl. Doubt you own a cat either

OP posts:
MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 13/10/2022 08:25

Are you properly playing with her so she gets tired and worn out? You need to do this especially as she's an indoor cat.

Cats should be timid outside,that's normal, she'll be more to timid when on a lead so stop doing that.

Watch Jaxon Galaxy videos.

IggityZiggity · 13/10/2022 08:25

Let her go out!Much better quality of life.

Original poster
Nymeria6 · 13/10/2022 08:28

Sweettea89 · 13/10/2022 06:38

Ignore people saying let her out, you know your cat best and BSH / Ragdolls are not normal cats, the ignorance is astounding- people might as well say let a dog go wild and free 🙄

Waiting for someone to come along and tell me their pedigree goes out (great, your a minority- professional advice tells you these breeds can't go out)

Yes! This! Also because of the virus she has it wouldn't be fair to other cats if they aren't vaccinated.

Shes not overweight either. It's just her fur. She was actually underweight til about 6 weeks ago xxx

OP posts:
haroldd · 13/10/2022 08:28

Sorry haven’t read all the replies but have you read up on enrichment ideas? Wirh my needy cat we used to make loads of games - hiding treats around the room, using a treat ball, putting a favourite toy inside a closed egg box, all sorts of random stuff to get her brain working. You can buy loads of enrichment toys specifically for this or use your imagination and recycling!

Original poster
Nymeria6 · 13/10/2022 08:29

Toddlerteaplease · 13/10/2022 06:40

One of my Persians is the same. I don't mind it except at 3am!

Oh god total sympathy for you. Have you been woken up with a slap yet? :)

OP posts:
Armadillidium · 13/10/2022 08:29

Not all breeds can go outside. 🙄

Original poster
Nymeria6 · 13/10/2022 08:31

thelobsterquadrille · 13/10/2022 07:08

You can let cats out without letting them roam though. There's a middle ground to be had here.

Cat-proof the garden or build a catio and let your cats be cats. Yes, some breeds are less intelligent than others but they're still cats and need to jump, hunt, kill and explore like any other breed.

Even in places like America and Australian where indoor cats are the norm, they still build catios, cat-proof gardens or "catify" their homes so their cats can still be cats.

Show quote history

My home is very catified. Can't afford the catio yet. Will look at in spring

OP posts:
haroldd · 13/10/2022 08:31

(You make it really easy to start with so they can get the treats wirh no trouble, then gradually make it harder so they learn - this using up some brain energy)

Original poster
Nymeria6 · 13/10/2022 08:34

WonderingWanda · 13/10/2022 07:48

I think if you are confident that you are playing with her enough then just stop giving un to her demands. Put her in another room and shut the door, if she whinges just ignore her for a but. She doesn't sound stupid at all, she sounds like she last got you wrapped around her finger....crying till the heating gets put on!!

Cat's are very selfish and don't entirely get the their owner cannot control everything. Mine hates the rain, he goes out in it every 5 mins, gets soaked, comes back in and bites someone because 'why haven't we made it stop raining yet?' He gets time out in the laundry room for 10mins when he bites and then he is all sorry and loving till he goes back out in the rain again 🙄

That made me laugh about the rain!! Sounds like mine.

OP posts:
Eeksteek · 13/10/2022 08:41

Nymeria6 · 12/10/2022 20:18

She's too timid and not the brightest bulb in the box. She would get herself killed or into some scraps if let out.

She doesn't like going out mostly. I have to go out then she follows.

Show quote history

Yes, she would. Cats do. But the alternative is you are her world. There’s no criticism attached to those statements. I have a dog who is also walked only on lead because it’s unsafe and I’m not prepared to risk the consequences. She’s a lovely dog, but needy, partly because she doesn’t get as much exercise as we’d both like.

PeloFondo · 13/10/2022 08:48

Mine goes out and he's still demanding. He spends most of the day gazing at me, shouting at me or trailing round after me Confused

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