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AIBU?

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Original poster

Demanding cat - to want some time to myself??

147 replies

Nymeria6 · 12/10/2022 19:44

This is going to sound ridiculous but here goes.

Me and DP have a 14 month old cat. I have completely babied her which I will admit. She sleeps on my bed with me and she is lavished with attention from us both.

However it's now getting too much. She follows us around the house meowing at us constantly, when we are watching TV she sits staring at us like every single day, all day. She freaks out when we close a door if we need the loo or I'm on a work call for example.

She has everything she could possibly want. I walk her in the garden (she's house cat) every time she wants to go out. She's entertained by us etc.

I just want some time to myself after work and I've cleaned up. She has poo DP harassed when he sits on the couch after 12 hour shifts.

She's neutered. Vaccinated. Eating well etc.

What do I do? I'm giving up watching a film atm. She's eyeballing me...

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Reallyreallyborednow · 12/10/2022 20:24

Get another cat. This is why many rescues will only give kittens in pairs — they really do need company during the day, and they’ll be much less needy

rescues give kittens in pairs as then they only need to find half the homes.

cats don’t need company, or not from other cats.

o/p you have an indoor cat, who appears to be very attached to you. Have you considered that she may not appreciate another cat? She may see it as competition for territory, both physical space and your attention.

i am one that got my cat a “friend” for company. While they seemed to get on, shared a basket etc, we had a hell of time with territorial stress behaviour. They shorted out my electrics, exploded two toasters and ruined carpets and furniture with stress peeing. The neediness got horrendous as they tried to compete.

in the end (this is after years of trying) we separated them and one went to my mum. They both were so much happier as only cats, all the stress behaviour stopped, and they became much more settled.

interestingly the one that went to my mum absolutely adored the dog, they were inseparable.

SierraSapphire · 12/10/2022 20:24

I'm not convinced getting another cat is a solution, my two (and the one we had before) end up fighting for my attention or with each other, which is way more annoying!

SierraSapphire · 12/10/2022 20:25

Cross post Reallyreallyborednow. Mine haven't caused that much damage though!

Notjusta · 12/10/2022 20:27

Can you just leave the back door or a window open for her and see if she wants to go out? I don't think cats are meant to be indoor creatures. I have a very dim and very timid cat but he still likes to go out and about (even if he is scared by plants blowing in the breeze 🤣)

Curiosity101 · 12/10/2022 20:33

You can really tell the demographic is mostly UK/English.

In the US it's very common to keep cats indoors and leash train them so they can be exercised a couple of times a day outdoors. Indoor cats can be perfectly happy and healthy.

Honestly OP - you just need some boundaries. We have two indoor cats from the same litter. They tolerate each other but they certainly don't socialise with each other. It's very hit and miss whether two cats will bond and socialise, often tolerating eachother is about as good as it gets.

If it were me I'd just make sure she's got plenty of toys and generally ignore her if you want some space. It's not like you'll be saying no all the time.

TheRubyRedshoes · 12/10/2022 20:34

@Nymeria6

What condition does She have please and what is a cat mat?

Pebblebeach15 · 12/10/2022 20:34

could your cat actually be more scared outside because she is on a lead . It limits her ability to potentially run , hide and jump from any perceived danger . All cats take their first steps outside cautiously . My boy would go stir crazy if he didn’t have his freedom .

Ccoffee · 12/10/2022 20:43

OP your cat sounds similar to mine, except mine is allowed out. She just stays in the garden though, doesn't venture any further, and only stays out maybe half an hour.

Her general ambition in life is to be on my lap, which I can't do when I'm working from home. When I work she miaows constantly, stands on her back legs and taps my arm repeatedly, though when I turn to give her a scratch on the head she turns her back on me and yowls Grin. Evenings are fine, she gets on my lap. I don't allow her to sleep upstairs with me at night, she is ok with that.

The solutions I've found in the day are a) a laser pen - get her running around for a few minutes, give her a treat and she goes off for a nap b) set her up an igloo on the floor so she can see me work instead of crouching uncomfortably on the floor interspersed with tapping my arm. C) pretend I'm going to vacuum. As soon as she sees me touch the vacuum she runs upstairs and goes to sleep. That's the nuclear option though as I don't want it to lose its effect, so I reserve it for zoom meetings when I can't have her miaowing in the background.

Aldith · 12/10/2022 20:54

I live in a first floor cottage flat so I have my own front door (no shared entry) and my own external stairs to my front door along with my own front and back garden (not shared). Despite this my two cats are as good as house cats as they step out onto the top step and spend their time on the stairs watching the world.

We have a cat fishing line with various attachments and a laser pointer which both cats love and which do not require a huge amount of effort from us. We also have two cat trees and each cat has claimed one as theirs. They are still demanding of attention at times as cats are generally very social animals. This can range from being in the room with you to full on climbing on you and whining. Maybe a few more toys that require running around would help.

paintitallover · 12/10/2022 21:06

I'd let her go out

Floralnomad · 12/10/2022 21:13

Get her a catio so she can go outdoors on her own .

DdraigGoch · 12/10/2022 21:14

Learn your place, human!

DdraigGoch · 12/10/2022 21:15

Learn your place, human!

DrManhattan · 12/10/2022 21:16

Let the cat out.

DieselBlue89 · 12/10/2022 21:20

Give her more stimulation and exercise (fishing rod toy, laser pen (with toy reward too)). Tire her out.

Provide her with lots of high up safe space (e.g. cat shelves) so she feels secure when you're not around.

I really wouldn't get another cat as it will lead to stress (for you and the cats).

HikingforScenery · 12/10/2022 21:22

🤣🤣🤣
sorry that’s my only contribution. A cat? 🤣🤣🤣🤣

thelobsterquadrille · 12/10/2022 21:23

It sounds like you've spoilt her and as a result, she doesn't know how to entertain herself (or can't).

I've had solo cats in the past but now I'd always have at least two, especially if they're going to be indoor cats. People say cats are solitary but I'm really not convinced - after all, feral cats will naturally form colonies and stray cats often make friends with each other too.

I have multiple indoor cats so I'm not against them staying in, but I really don't think it's fair to get a young cat and keep it as a lone pet that's never allowed outdoors to play and meet other cats. My three don't go out but they all play together, sleep together and groom each other - and if one ever needs the vet, they look for them.

If you can't afford another cat then please at least consider letting her go out and explore on her own. She may be reluctant at first but at least give her the chance to do it without you there.

VenusClapTrap · 12/10/2022 21:27

Let her out.

Buteverythingsfine · 12/10/2022 21:29

Thing is, you've trained her to talk and chat and get attention all the time! I say this knowing my cat (a ragdoll) is exactly the same. If it's truly unbearable, put them in another room for a while, do something stimulating and then they will sleep. you could consider not having them in the bedroom at night just to give you a break, I find being pawed in the night very annoying...

pictish · 12/10/2022 21:32

She’s got no life apart from you but she’s a cat and wants to explore, climb, play, hunt, kill. I think she’d be less of a pest if you let her out.

MsGrahamCheese · 12/10/2022 21:36

Teach her to use a catflap* and let her have free access to the outdoors. She's timid so it will take time but she'll get there, especially when spring rolls around.

*install a cat flap

CheeseyOnionPie · 12/10/2022 21:37

Hi OP, I highly recommend looking at Jackson Galaxy’s YouTube channel for advice. He has a ton of videos and is experienced in cat behaviour and needs. He advocates looking at a cat’s Routine, Ritual and Rhythm.

Whilst you might be around your cat all day, do you have a dedicated play session with her at the same each day? The play session should mimic hunting prey and last 15-20 mins. Ideally a couple of sessions per day and always followed by a meaty meal. Once you establish a routine for play it will become a ritual and bring the right rhythm to her day. Anyway, I won’t go on but I have found his videos really helpful for my own new kitten.

Richteafinger · 12/10/2022 21:52

Hi OP, have you ever tried your cat with a (pet safe) laser pointer? If she will chase it, it's pretty low effort to use while watching TV and you can even get ones which are automatic.

We have a very needs boy in the evenings and this has helped!

Sweettea89 · 12/10/2022 22:51

Prinnny · 12/10/2022 20:22

Do people actually walk cats on a leader like a dog? 😂

Sounds like she’s bored shitless, just like you would be restricted to the confines of your home and garden (on a lead).

Yes, mine loves going for a walk especially if no one is around because of his breed, he has no common sense and will just roll over to anyone that approaches him, just like a dog.

Demanding cat - to want some time to myself??
MrsSkylerWhite · 12/10/2022 22:52

She needs cat company.