Partners sleeping on maternity ward?

[Jaaxe]

I’m due a csection in December, it’s not my first csection so I know birth recovery especially csection isn’t a walk in the park with a newborn and that having your partner in the hospital is helpful and good for bonding but aibu to think partners shouldn't be allowed to stay overnight to sleep in the bays alongside all the other female patients overnight? A side room is fine with me but a bay with other female patients at their most vulnerable, no thanks. I think the flexible visiting during the day is great but having partners camped next to your bed with just a curtain between is a no from me. Aibu?

Lots of hospitals don’t allow this anymore since the original Covid restrictions.
I had a c-section in August, partners were allowed on the ward from 11am to 8pm. Very limited visitors too. It was great.

I feltI had to stay but I was delighted to be sent home to my own bed by my wife, I think I was snoring. I doubt many of them want to be there either, but don’t think they should be there either.

Agree. There were 6 mums in the ward each time I gave birth and then obviously 6 babies so already 12 people. Add in 6 dads you've got 18 people in a very confined space.

If you had your own private room then great to have dad. But this is the NHS and maternity is the arse end of a cracking system so there's no hope of that.

I agree that they shouldn’t be allowed to stay. It should be a safe space for women.

I would have been very uncomfortable with men staying when I was post c section and feeling vulnerable as DH had to go home. When I was on an antenatal ward men stayed while their partners were being induced in the early stages and they would snore loudly, talk on the phone loudly until late and generally be a pain plus they didn’t have anywhere to sleep realistically.
Wheb I had my elective c section I made sure my local hospital didn’t allow men to stay and despite having my baby late in the day there was no issue; I could get my baby out of his cot to feed and made sure I had changing stuff to hand and just asked for help to get him back in. Then when DH was back I could actually sleep rather than us both being exhausted.

Definitely not being unreasonable.

I had a c section in 2019 and had to stay in for 5 days following birth due to my son being on antibiotics. One night someone's partner wanted to stay and he just completed ignored the nurses and wouldn't leave they had to threaten security for him to go at nearly midnight, visiting stopped at 9pm.

You've just given birth so hormones are up in the sky anyway, on a ward where you get no sleep as all the babies wake each other up then you have got the added worry of having a male on the ward when it's full of alone females with newborn babies. It's not right.

To be honest, I don't know what I would've done without my DH there overnight after my section. Physically, I was in a state, was having blood pressure problems so couldn't even sit up and hold my baby. The staff were great but they haven't the time to be giving every woman and baby one-to-one care all night. I'm probably going to have a section this time around and I'm hoping he will be allowed to stay again.

I agree. I had a c section a few weeks ago and birth partners only were allowed in 11-7pm and no other visitors and it was great!

My partner was with me the whole time although i left the hospital after around 33 hours after c-section so not too long.I was at my weakest, attached to iv drip and peeing into a bag. I was unable to get up and take care of myself and my baby. And had severe alergic reaction to epidural. He was quiet, courteous and minding his own business, not wondering around and being a creep. The nurses/midwifes response time to a buzzer was shocking 30min if not more. I don't know what I would do without him...

Partners should be allowed to stay. If u don't feel comfortable pay or ask for a side room.

Tbh Iv never know a partner to be able to sleep in the ward. I had a C-section with my 1st and have to have another. It would have been amazing to have my partner stay. The care from the hospital was awful. The first night was so difficult not being able to pick up my baby when he was crying due to epidural, calling the nurse to give him to me and she was getting rather annoyed. The first day I wasn’t even given food as you had to collect it yourself, I felt extremely vulnerable being incapacitated without help from anyone throughout the night. That terrifies me having the do it again.

After a full day in labour and then an emergency c section I was exhausted. I was convinced I would fall asleep feeding and suffocate DS or drop him off the bed. I desperately needed help at night in hospital and had to beg the midwives to take him for a while because I was absolutely broken (they made it clear they weren’t keen on this) but I think I had about 6 hours sleep in 72 hours on top of major surgery and was delirious. I would have given anything to have DH there to help me but he wasn’t allowed. I wouldn’t have even noticed other DHs/DPs being there.

I couldn’t even lift him in and out of the cot (which was at a stupid height relative to the bed height)

It definitely affected my bond with DS as I was so convinced I was going to accidentally kill him through exhaustion (luckily this has since improved but it took weeks and weeks). Worlds apart from my first baby where I was able to go home straight from the delivery room.

All I wanted was to go home so I could have some help!

I didn’t feel vulnerable but it was annoying to have them around in other cubicles, booming voices or snoring or fussing or just being completely ineffectual. I sent mine home, I wanted to be with my baby, try and breastfeed and recover in peace. HA! I begged to go home as soon as they did the rounds the following morning.

I can see both sides of this argument. Some women wouldn't be comfortable or feel safe but others might need their husband/partner there. There's no simple answer because we don't have enough side rooms to keep everyone happy.

When I had my baby back in 2015 I was in a ward. Everyone’s partner except mine stayed overnight. I felt so vulnerable and always felt this was wrong.
it’s nice to read these messages and realise I’m not the only one.

Partners shouldn’t need to be there and it’s not fair on the other patients that they are. However the nursing care is so poor on many of these wards it’s felt as necessary. It’s not like the nurses are working with prem babies so not sure how they manage to do so little. The stories on here of the terrible care is shocking.

In most cases its ridiculous having fathers stay. However as previously said, sometimes it's a medical necessity. I wouldn't/ didn't feel vulnerable with men being allowed 24 hour access, just tired and pissed off at the entitlement.

It's bloody annoying - sleep is near impossible on a labour ward anyway, add in extra randoms snoring/ talking loudly and it's enough to drive anyone insane. Staff probably like it as (some!) help, but I absolutely hated random men lurking around when I felt vulnerable and keeping everyone awake with their revolting snoring - especially as my partner had to leave to look after our eldest.

My husband stayed with me in a side room after my c section with twins and I was so glad he was there as the nurses never came. I couldn’t get out of bed and I would have been lost without him.

However I tried to shower the next day, gushing blood and hobbling and walked into a naked man in the women’s shower. He had not locked the door. He was someone’s DH. I felt very exposed. The shower even had a sign on the door saying “for maternity patients only”.

For every lovely man there will be one like that. My DH wouldn’t have dreamed of using the maternity ward shower.

This is my worry. I’m having twins and not sure how to care for them after a c section? Plus if l will get much staff support. My partner will be banned from shouting, loud phone use and snoring should he be able to stay

Im a nurse myself and have no qualms about telling people to STFU after 11pm on night shifts. It’s selfish and impacts on other people’s recovery

Yabu partners should be allowed to stay and help out and the curtains provide privacy.

There were loads of partners staying after my C-section, they were a bit noisy and snoring and I could hear them opening bags of food etc…but there were barely any midwives coming around so they were helping with providing food late at night and caring for the babies…..it’s so hard lifting baby out of the cot after a C-section.

The main problem with noise was the babies waking each other up. Hospital is a hellish place after giving birth if you aren’t in a private room.

I think it’s a bit OTT to say having male partners there means it’s not a safe space for women…:you’re in a private bed curtained off and they’re there with their partner and new baby?!

Grim! He really shouldn’t have been in there. He could have gone home for a shower -you couldn’t

I don’t buy into the notion that childcare is woman’s work so I don’t think the mother should be left on her own overnight, caring for a newborn along after a long, exhausting labour, birthing injuries or possible major surgery.

Absolutely not. Needs to be a safe space for women and babies. Some women are in very violent and abusive relationships and by allowing men onto wards where women and babies are present and vulnerable, means the possibility of rapes. That is a fact of life sadly.

I can see both sides to this. Yes it would be lovely if there were enough midwives to look after the women properly but there isn't. By the time I had my emergency section at 10pm Saturday night, I hadn't slept since Wednesday. I was out of my mind with tiredness and in pain. No one helped me and I waited 4 hours for pain relief. I discharged myself on Monday night and had to sign an "against medical advice" note, as I physically couldn't get through another night alone. It was horrific.