Partners sleeping on maternity ward?

[Jaaxe]

I’m due a csection in December, it’s not my first csection so I know birth recovery especially csection isn’t a walk in the park with a newborn and that having your partner in the hospital is helpful and good for bonding but aibu to think partners shouldn't be allowed to stay overnight to sleep in the bays alongside all the other female patients overnight? A side room is fine with me but a bay with other female patients at their most vulnerable, no thanks. I think the flexible visiting during the day is great but having partners camped next to your bed with just a curtain between is a no from me. Aibu?

You weren't being self-centred at all. That user has just had an empathy bypass.

I don't recall if men were allowed to stay after my first as I had my own room and went home after a few hours so no overnight needed.

After my second, I had a PPH and had to stay for a couple of nights. Men were allowed to stay and I was pleased and relieved. As it was, I told him to go around 9 so he could have a few hours but he was back by 7 one morning and 6 the other and I'm so glad. The other partners who stayed were all respectful, and I kept my curtains closed.

I think they should be able to stay.

Er no. If you want to control other people like that you can pay for your own private room where you don't have to see anyone else.

Maybe another mother doesn't want to end up next to you in hospital? Is she going to pay for a separate room? Or just accept that she's stuck with you until one of you leaves?

I would absolutely hate this.

It would ruin the experience for me.

I had a bad bleed after DD I'd have been mortified stripping the blood soaked sheets with a man in a bay close by.

I wouldn't inflict it on other women for any reason.

I didn't think that it was allowed never mind optional.

I'm having a section in 5 weeks (my third) and due yo mental health issues my DP will be with me throughout the whole admission. I've been told that I'll be a high priority for a private side room though.

I'd hate to think of making other people uncomfortable 😞 I think in that situation I'd probably just send him home and cope as best I could.

@WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps why don't u pay for your own room as u are the one that feels uncomfortable!!!

No way. I am not the one who wants my husband there all night around vulnerable new mothers. YOU want your partner there all night in a communal FEMALE ward full of new mothers, YOU pay for a separate room. End of

@luxxlisbon

I don’t buy into the notion that childcare is woman’s work so I don’t think the mother should be left on her own overnight, caring for a newborn along after a long, exhausting labour, birthing injuries or possible major surgery.

They are not ON their own. The nursing staff/midwives are there. Are you seriously suggesting every father of every child just hangs around all evening/all night - every single one? (who wants to that is?) Where are all these extra beds coming from? The extra food and supplies for all these men?

The men have gone off home after the birth since forever. They are no use in the ward after the birth, and the mum will just want to sleep anyway. And as has been said, if you want your husband to hold your hand all night, then either go home directly after the birth, OR as has been said, book private healthcare and get your own room that way (where the father can stay.) Because most women do NOT want to be spending the night on the maternity ward, with someone else's husband right next to them!

Exactly! MOST women do not want strange men hanging around 24/7 and all throughout the night and very early morning, (on the maternity ward,) when they have had just a baby FFS!

Why are some of these posters not getting this?!

Whilst they seem to need their man holding their hand all night, they don't GET that OTHER NEW MOTHERS do NOT want strange men there all night. It's creepy and intrusive to the extreme.

I fully understand what you’re saying, but for some, having their partners there will provide them with some security too.
I don’t know how I would have coped without my husband there- I was in hospital for 8 days and nights being woken at all hours of the night for pressure checks etc. I needed a hand hold and practical help with baby who had been on SCBU.
I think everyone’s circumstances are different and I can see both viewpoints, but equally your vulnerabilities may be completely different to someone else’s and viceversa.

It would be great if there was enough resource but realistically women often don't get adequate care as shown by the many comments in this post. Waiting 30 mins for a response to a buzzer is shocking!

Having your partner there is vastly better than having no support whatsoever, especially if you require immediate medical assistance.

Exactly this. I can't believe some of the posts I am reading on here, how SOME posters don't give a shit about the welfare and needs of vulnerable new mothers who are in pain, and are anxious and afraid, and bleeding and suffering. Just as long as THEY are OK with their little hubster to hold their hand all night. If they want this they can check out and GO HOME or get their own private care. It's a communal maternity ward for NEW MOTHERS, not the bloody fathers. Some people are being ridiculous and offensive.

As for YOU BOOK YOUR OWN ROOM THEN. Yeah right! As if!!! YOU are the one wanting to change the rules, YOU book your own room.

Anyway. this thread is boiling my piss. So I'm out. I literally cannot believe some of the posts I am reading on here.

It seems that most of the women who have actually been through it realise how often extra help is required.

I agree they shouldn't be allowed to stay. I stayed two nights and on the second night there were no partners. Most of the ladies in the room opened their curtains including me just to get some air in. With the curtains closed it's so cramped and claustrophobic. Some of the women freely flung their boobs open and breast fed, some got out of bed from their blood soaked sheets and it was liberating for all of us to be able to do this freely without any men.

It’s disgraceful that men are allowed to stay in a maternity ward with vulnerable women gushing blood from vaginas and boobs out trying to get breast feeding established.It means they have to sit trapped behind a curtain for privacy which of course gets yanked back every time a nurse comes in, and of course the men are sitting there gawping and munching away because they aren’t actually doing anything with their own babies.
Of course it’s only first time dads cos the second time dads are at home looking after the first, and probably have decided it’s the most boring experience in the world which they won’t be doing again.
by all means bring your non snoring mother sister or female friend if you need support but the other patients have a right not to have this private time overrun by men.

pay for a private room if you really need your man there.

Partners as the other parent of the new baby absolutely should be able to stay; to both care for the child they have equal responsibility for and to advocate for the mother.

Mother and baby stay for medical observation, Father does not need medical observation.

Should husbands be allowed stay to advocate for their partners whenever they're ill requiring an inpatient stay?

OTOH I'd my first DC in the UK and it was a bit of a cattle market.

I didn't see a consultant until DD arrived all floppy. MW didn't notice low muscle tone or lack of growth throughout pregnancy.

Her mantra was "baby is very small but so are you".

I was delivering breakfasts to women who couldn't get out of bed after c-sections.

I'd my second in Ireland it was consultant lead and meals were brought up to your bed while carers were on standby for assistance.

You really are a judgemental pita. Perhaps you can share this where this hospital with all the attentive staff is. Most recovery wards give the bare minimum of care therefore the physical needs of new mum do trump another mother's sense of entitlement to a single sex space.

You are correct in saying that most new mums just want to sleep, you're having a laugh if you think that happens. Most mum's don't want their husbands there to hold their hand as you patronisingly put it, but rather to care for their child to allow the mum to grab some sleep 👍

My daughter in law gave birth a few weeks ago and like me she got a private room. Everyone does here. I can't imagine sharing a room with another woman after giving birth, let alone strange men. My son just like my husband did, went home to rest that night, even though there was a place for him to sleep in the room. The nurses were really attentive and nice. Insurance covered it all.

Should husbands be allowed stay to advocate for their partners whenever they're ill requiring an inpatient stay?
They absolutely should, and I've said as much to my partner. With some of the stuff I've seen, 100% want them there as my partner and advocate in any situation.

Most mum's don't want their husbands there to hold their hand as you patronisingly put it, but rather to care for their child to allow the mum to grab some sleep. 👍

Tbf I think most mum's don't want their husband there at all, many of the reasons on this thread explain why.

It isn't one woman's experience unless you are in a private room.

If mothers need extra help on the ward allowing a female friend or relative to stay and support would be a fair compromise. This could help free some staff time to help those without female support.

Visiting men have absolutely no place in a maternity ward at night.

And have these ladies who advocate for men being on the ward really forgotten what the experience is like for women??

the private conversations between a woman and her healthcare providers that all these men are listening into?

have you done a bowel movement yet?
what was it like?
can I check your stitches?
describing the stitches in detail.
talking about sore and cracked nipples
how to get baby to latch onto your boob.
describing how the uterus has contracted.
nipple shields
what is your loss like?
Smells
asking you have you done you pelvic floor exercises.
have you showered today?

this is all aside from curtains being yanked open while you are in blood soaked nighties and boobs hanging out with a newborn latching and unlatching. trying to eat for the first time that day with a baby who hasn’t come off your boob for 90mins.
grunting in pain from her vagina as she tries to move about the bed or get on her feet to do the first post partum poo.

If you are a woman and you seriously see nothing wrong with another woman being subjected to having the indignity of all this in the presence of YOUR DH…then shame on you.

This is upsetting because I can’t imagine what would have happened to me and my baby if my partner wasn’t there with us. Thank god the staff realised this and moved us to a room where he could stay too, for the week we were in there. If there hadn’t been a room I’m not sure what may have happened.

I get the other side of this too but all the same, there’s no need to imply that those of us who needed support after birth for whatever reason are weak and selfish. If you had a birth experience that left you well enough physically and mentally to care for a baby alone then consider your good fortune.

They absolutely should, and I've said as much to my partner. With some of the stuff I've seen, 100% want them there as my partner and advocate in any situation.
Do you expect hospitals to invest in tons of camper beds?
What about antisocial patients? One is disruptive but a pair?
If every married or cohabiting person brought their spouse to stay over throughout their lives hospital stays it would be manic.
Besides unless at deaths door, most capable adults can advocate for themselves.