Partners sleeping on maternity ward?

[Jaaxe]

I’m due a csection in December, it’s not my first csection so I know birth recovery especially csection isn’t a walk in the park with a newborn and that having your partner in the hospital is helpful and good for bonding but aibu to think partners shouldn't be allowed to stay overnight to sleep in the bays alongside all the other female patients overnight? A side room is fine with me but a bay with other female patients at their most vulnerable, no thanks. I think the flexible visiting during the day is great but having partners camped next to your bed with just a curtain between is a no from me. Aibu?

YABU. There simply isn't enough staff to look after the women, and the women (i.e. the patients) are expected to single handedly look after the babies (also patients). My DH looked after my babies whilst I recovered - handy as with my first due to PPH I couldn't sit up without fainting u til the next morning. Both of mine were CSs and frankly you are not in a state to care for a newborn by yourself. DH also helped me shower, fed me and made sure I had water and painkillers, and the babies had milk. Absolute basic essentials, but not anything I got from the staff.

I’m sorry you had a tough time, but your needs aren’t more important than the women who need a single sex space.

I don't think a blanket ban on having partners overnight is a good one especially for labour's where its been extremely difficult or complications or a c section.

The hospital I had DCs in did allow partners overnight but majority went home and the ones which stayed were in thr bays with the curtains pulled around and were quiet and polite who were there to support their wives with the baby.

Second DC I stayed in the maternity unit and my husband was offered the double room if my husband wanted to stay. I sent him home.

If the bloke is rude/loud or starts using the facilities clearly marked for patients then most definitely they should not stay

I would categorically not go into hospital alone to give birth after my first experience. A friend or family member will be with DC1 when I go in for DC2.
Maternity care is absolutely diabolical in this country at the minute and I’m not prepared to put my safety my child’s safety below anything.
So while I sympathise with people who prefer a quieter ward with no partners, ultimately my own needs in such a traumatic situation will come first and while partners are allowed overnight mine will 100% be staying.

No. Women should not have to pay a penny to feel safe and comfortable on a maternity ward. If some women want their partners with them, they should pay to have a private room or attend a private facility where this is allowed.

Or partners should not be allowed to stay on a women's ward. If they want to pay or ask for a side room.

With DD2, my parents had DD1 so DH could stay and support me. Thankfully I was much more mentally stable with DD2 and went home the day I gave birth.

Honestly, without DH, post birth with DD1 would've been even more horrendous. I was completely in shock, felt traumatised by what I'd just gone through (despite it being a straightforward and fairly positive birth) and didn't want to acknowledge the baby for a good hour as I felt genuinely scared of her. I literally just lost the plot for a good couple of days. DH was incredible and helped me recover.

Couldn't agree more! I was in a FB pregnancy group and it seemed every time a member proudly announced their DH could stay overnight, others were delighted for them, hoped they could have the same or envious if they couldn't. I think it's appalling to expect women at such a vulnerable time to share a bedroom with unknown men. I'm utterly baffled as to why this happens at all.

I had a c-section a few weeks ago and no visitors/partners were allowed on the ward after 11pm - they were extremely firm about this. Even without partners overnight, the ward was still hell on earth for 4 nights.

I’d begged and pleaded to have a private room & would have gladly paid any associated costs, but there were none available.

I really wish my DP had been able to stay when I had DS. It's the most exhausting experience a woman will go through and then they have this tiny newborn plunged into their arms to care for immediately with DPs sent home and very little support. I was absolutely terrified of dropping DS when holding him. I was utterly exhausted, I could barely keep my eyes open, and he was a little devil. He didn't sleep for more than 30 minutes at a time (which lasted for over a year!!) and I remember being so overwhelmed and upset. I felt like a complete failure. My body had been going through labour all night, I hadn't slept in 36 hours. I really needed my DP right then to be able to help me feed and care for DS without risking me falling asleep holding him.

There should be separate wards, one where DPs are permitted and ones where they are not.

Mine stayed with me for the one night each time as I physically needed him! He was quiet and respectful and just wanted to be there for me and the baby.

@crazyhairbear the hospital where I had my 2 sons is all private rooms and it's fantastic. If only there were more like this.

I didn't want to sleep with a bunch of random people at all, but guess what - that's life. And the only noisy ones on my ward were the women, including the woman talking on speaker phone for 3 hours at top volume. Why is someone else's wants (not 'needs') more important than mine and my baby's health? I physically could not get to and pick up my crying newborn baby. No staff came when called. Why should my baby be left crying for some random person's comfort?

The fact is there isn't enough staff available for all the women's needs and DPs staying in a few occasions really helps mother and baby out. Most I know wouldn't stay unless absolutely necessary there was no bed just a uncomfortable chair for them to sleep in.

I do wonder about the no men rule some posters have what they would do if they had a male midwife......
I had male midwife on the midwifery unit overnight and he was absolutely amazing!

Had a very difficult emergency c section. I cried when the nurse said my husband could stay. I was so scared after the most traumatic day of my life. It was the only thing making me and the baby safe.I did find the ward the 5th cycle of hell and I was infuriated that other babies were crying their eyes out not being cared to. There isn't enough staff. I will be self checking out next time if husbands still aren't allowed to stay. If the NHS had more staff I wouldn't mind him going home to sleep.In my ideal world my baby would have been checked over and gone home with dad for those initial 12 hrs (i was out of it on so many drugs) so mother can rest then full on mum mode the next day but I appreciate most wouldn't want any separation.My need for my husband there isn't more important than those wanting a safe space, but I do think they're of equal importance. One doesn't trump the other imo. My husband was my safe space after being let down in my care. When you can't move, noone is answering a buzzer, in agony, a new mum with baby screaming, you do not feel safe. Or maybe even men allowed on a c section/complicated births wards if this was ever created? If I'd have had a straight forward birth I think I would have felt/feel differently

I understand why people could feel uncomfortable but my partner stayed with me for the 5 nights we were in hospital partly because the testing that my little one needed was all being done in the early hours of the morning as it meant lab results came back quicker and we both wanted to be there for him.

We asked to pay for a private room but there was not any available so made sure curtains were closed to respect others privacy.

There were very strict rules re partners not using the showering facilities / bathrooms by the ward and also quiet lounges that we could sit and chat in so not to disturb others.

For me having him there during a stressful time was want I needed and we tried to be as respectful as we could be. Having gone through that I wouldn't begrudge someone elses partner being there for similar reasons.

I hated having men on the ward. Several times during the night, when I was sat topless trying to establish breast feeding, the nursing staff would throw open the curtains to do checks leaving me exposed to the man sat staring around next to the bed opposite.

When I hobbled to the bathroom, pushing my baby in the bassinet, with blood trickling down my leg, I had to walk past several men I didn't know who were awkwardly hanging around awaiting instruction.

To you those men may have been your loving partner, to me they were awkward staring men occupying space in a womens ward and making me feel uncomfortable.

The postnatal ward should be a female and baby only place, that way every woman gets the privacy needed in a space where it is likely that intimate procedures will be taking place and ability to maintain modesty will be affected. Some women are in physically or emotionally abusive relationships, enforcing the postnatal ward as a female only space gives them an opportunity to have time away from their abuser to seek help. Some women have religious requirements to maintain modest dress when in the presence of unrelated males, ensuring that there are parts of the day and night without men present means they can remove the modesty garments and be comfortable. Some women have a history of sexual abuse and will be triggered by having stranger males in their room while they are sleeping and therefore vulnerable.

The solution to all of this is to have adequately staffed wards to provide necessary care to both the mums and the babies.

While hospitals are undestaffiyou absolutely should be able to have help there. Section+ no help+exhaustion are recipe for disaster. Maybe there could be female only wards for those who disagree.

Partners are not there to perv on other women, they are more likely bonding with their baby or helping the mother of their child. Honestly speaking I don't think anyone would give a toss what state u are in as they are probably in their own baby bubble.

Absolutely, it's the most vulnerable time in a woman's life. Your partner may be the best person in the world and indispensable but I shouldn't have to try and sleep or talk about personal issues just a few feet from him.

Sadly, difficult times after birth are not uncommon.

I was really badly torn below after I had my eldest. I gave birth around 2 am, got to the ward around 6.30, about 9ish, so before visiting, I went for a wee and a shower. I pretty much collapsed with the pan of urinating on my mangled bits and crawled out of the loo with my pants still down bleeding and crying for help. Why on Earth should I go through that with some random bloke in the room?

The doctor who pulled my baby out of my vagina and stitched me up afterwards was male. A professional male there to do a job. That is not the same as some bloke who fathered the baby of the woman next to me sitting 1.5 metres from my bed overnight.

I really hope partners are allowed to stay when I have my second section this year.

My DH will probably have to go home to stay with our toddler, but without some women having an extra pair of hands available, I’m not confident that the midwives will have time to help me with picking up my baby etc.

My partner was allowed to stay but I did have a side room after a difficult birth. I can see this from both sides as I don't know how I would have managed without him, but respect that some women on a ward might not like it.

I gave birth at the start of 2021 so lots of restrictions in hospitals, visiting hours were for 1 hour a day that you had to ‘book’ a visitor is for and only the one visitor for the duration of your stay, through they could obviously come each day. I remember after giving birth via CSection early Sunday morning and after a while on the recovery ward being taken to the post natal ward. I was heartbroken my partner couldn’t stay, but also very envious he was off home to sleep in the afternoon and evening away whilst I was in pain, exhausted but unable to sleep because I was so uncomfortable in that ward. Looking back though I’d have been even more uncomfortable had there been aload of random men floating around all night, and the other women may feel uncomfortable around mine, even though I know how great he is they do not. So I’m glad that visiting hours are now longer but I think there needs to be a quiet time for women to try to rest (don’t know about anyone else but I didn’t sleep a wink on that postnatal ward anyway!) with no men present
I do see people’s point about really appreciating the help from their partners and my answer to that would be we need more staff, who are better paid and treated respectfully by the government. That’s the main issue I think.