What would your DH do?

[ItSeesMe]

You've just learned that you've been fast tracked for cancer screening due to post menopausal bleeding. Would your DH stay at home to keep you company because you're obviously down, or would he go to the pub with his mates?

He's always crap when I'm ill. He once went away for a week with work immediately after I had an op, leaving me with 2 small kids to look after. I had a critical admission to hospital a few years ago that stated with a stomach ache at home. I told him I was feeling a bit rough that evening and the conversation was mmediately switched by him to complaining about his poorly tum. But only one of us spent the following week in hospital.
It's one thing to be crap. It's another to just completely forget.

please talk to him op,
just tell him

so his reaction is to be expected?
very hurtful

It's weird that I can get more support online from strangers than from my DH.

Oh absolutely. We did speak about it after every letter received, hospital appointment etc. It was just outside of that when we pretended nothing was going on, except in my head, my brain was constantly racing.

I'd be seriously considering divorce because if he declines in older age before you he will expect Royal treatment whilst he do f all for you

I think I'd have to ask him to stay and then probably would though I'm not sure.

Also, op, huge hugs. I have the screening will turn out ok. This must be nerve wrecking for you.

I was doing alright until he came home and didn't even mention it. I'd been thinking about what to say to him, how much to downplay it so he doesn't worry (his mum died of C). But then it turns out he's so unworried he forgot. So I feel like a fool for worrying about how worried he would be.

I live 30 mins drive from my DP of 3 years. I’m poorly with a chronic condition flare up today and he has offered to drive over specifically to make my daughters packed lunch for tomorrow and clean up my kitchen as I need to lie down. I declined but he’d do it without any issue.

Im sorry for your ill health but your partner is a dick!

So sorry for your worrying news. You really don’t deserve any of this shit.

It seems that your H has a pattern of selfishness, this might be the last straw for your marriage.

My DH would’ve supported me (and has done frequently) through illness, surgery and scary stuff. When I thank him for doing these things he’s always been bemused as, in his opinion, looking after and supporting someone you love is a basic behaviour that’s the baseline of any functioning partnership.

Today, for example, I’ve had horrendous cramps (thanks perimenopause) which have made me feel shit. It’s been DH’s day off today so he told me to stay in bed, brought me a tray of tea and toast up, a hot water bottle and cracked on with hoovering, washing and hanging up two loads of washing and cleaning the bathrooms.

He’s been looking at the countless menopause articles I’ve been foisting in him and sent me off for a shower whilst he stripped and changed our bed. And he’s ordered me a ‘cheering up’ present which apparently is a a surprise that will come tomorrow whilst he’s at work.

This is plus all the normal stuff he does (child wrangling, making packed lunches and whatever needs doing).

He’s dropped off a DC at a disco and is now meeting up with a mate for an hour or two to sort out a hobby event then he’s doing disco pick up. And he’s gone out and got me chocolate as well as other DC’s school cooking ingredients for tomorrow.

I’m not saying this to be a smug cow, it’s just to show that marriages should be a team where you want the other person to be happy and well so you pick up the slack and they do the same. When one person is ill or incapacitated then it should be obvious that the other helps them recover so that things can get back to normal again.

💐💐💐

Op I’m sorry, this is miserable all round. If there was ever a time you needed your husband surely it would be now?I’ll never understand the mentality of men like this, utterly baffling. Sending you a big hand hold. X

I don't normally encourage passive aggression in relationships but I'd have to do it here I think.

"Oh I'm sorry your day was so exhausting that you've had to lie down. I'm ok, I got to lie down while they scanned me."

He sounds like an absolute shit excuse for a man.

Op you need to tell HIM how you feel not us!

I have huge sympathy for you but sitting there silently getting more and more resentful isn't going to help. 💐

Perfect response. Just terribly sad it’s even needed.

I'm not sure this thread is going to help you at the time OP.

He's obviously done the opposite of what you needed and wanted at this time.
I'm sorry you have to deal with that as well as this cancer scare.

I hope you get a good outcome.

Say exactly that.

God, what a cunt. I'm so sorry.

Mine would check in with me and ask if I was OK.. then casually drop into the conversation that he's been invited to the pub. Then he'd fuck off to the pub

i was fast tracked 2 week for post menopause bleed, I’d gone 18mth without a period
it’s normal procedure by gp to be fast tracked.

Nurse couldn’t get far enough inside with me, so I had to be sent for to have GA for a hysteroscopy

Just to say take to 2 ibuprofen 20 mins before as you may have stomach ache

He really doesn’t seem to care about you at all

My DH didn't stay home, he went to work, it was investigative and thankfully clear.

Good luck with your appointment, wish you all the best

This.

So he woke up, came downstairs and worked out pretty quickly that I was maximum level pissed off with him. He is now suitably apologetic and mortified, and has gone to the shop for wine.

I see a hangover in my future.