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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What would your DH do?

114 replies

ItSeesMe · 11/10/2022 21:27

You've just learned that you've been fast tracked for cancer screening due to post menopausal bleeding. Would your DH stay at home to keep you company because you're obviously down, or would he go to the pub with his mates?

OP posts:
Fidgety31 · 11/10/2022 22:49

Mine would ask me to go to the pub with him .

FunnysInLaJardin · 11/10/2022 22:51

stay at home, but then again he never goes to the pub with his mates anyway!

saltinesandcoffeecups · 11/10/2022 23:31

Russell19 · 11/10/2022 22:26

I found someone on my wavelength

Show quote history

I was about chime in with my DH would take me to the pub. I’d need a drink and a distraction in that situation, and he would know it.

roundpegsquareholes · 11/10/2022 23:33

PrunellaMcTat · 11/10/2022 21:34

Mine would ask what I needed, and do that.

This

Thinkingblonde · 11/10/2022 23:36

Mine stayed with me, looked after me and took me out in the car for a run out, we went to the coast and sat on the sea front. He held my hand and just let me be me. Recall after a mammogram Breast cancer was mentioned. It was benign.
Best wishes OP and I hope you get the support you need.

Original poster
ItSeesMe · 11/10/2022 23:37

It was a group of male friends meeting to discuss a particular hobby, so not something I could join in.

But I'm ok now - your comments have dragged me out of my momentary wallow in self-pity. I know that the majority of women are given the all clear, so I'm parking the worry until I have more news. Thank you everyone.

OP posts:
DoodlePug · 11/10/2022 23:37

Hopefully he'd read the room, if I'm obviously distressed he wouldn't even need to ask and would stay home, if not he may ask if I'd rather be alone but in all honesty he'd still stay home and just stay out of the way.

I'm sorry OP, maybe he can't deal with it which is unfair on you but it is who he is. Hope you have support elsewhere in your life.

Jibbajabba1 · 11/10/2022 23:50

Sorry to hear you’re going through this! 💐 Maybe he just wanted a moment out so he can collect his thoughts, so he can support you fully when he’s back home. In addition to the dishwasher, I’d tack on a couple more chores for him 😉

Original poster
ItSeesMe · 20/10/2022 17:27

Quick update; scan today, they saw some stuff they are not happy with, will need an op to take it out, then biopsies to see if it is cancerous. Most likely it won't be, but still worrying.
As for DH - didn't wish me good luck this morning, didn't phone me afterwards and hasn't asked since he got home. Guess he's just forgotten all about it. What a complete shit.

OP posts:
L1ttledrummergirl · 20/10/2022 17:30

Mine doesn't go out often so I'd ensure he kept his plans and went out. If the worst happened he would need the support of his friends so I'd insist he went.

coldfeetmama · 20/10/2022 17:31

So sorry @ItSeesMe

Fingers crossed for you that it is nothing awful

What would you like to say to him ? let it out , say it here

purpliee · 20/10/2022 17:34

After my hospital appointment where I learned I had CIN 2 cells that required immediate treatment my 'D'H stalked out to the car park so he wouldn't have to pay for another hours parking.

Sorry your husband is also a shit. Do you have any other supports? Because it doesn't sound like he's going to be much use in that department 💐

Original poster
ItSeesMe · 20/10/2022 17:34

He's gone for a lie down as he's had a hard day at work.

OP posts:
Original poster
ItSeesMe · 20/10/2022 17:37

What do I want to say to him? Fuck off to the far side of fuck and then fuck off some more, you self-absorbed man-child.

OP posts:
twinklyeyes · 20/10/2022 17:37

I'm so sorry to hear this, just a thought is your dh struggling to process this too? Not an excuse by any means but to be strong for you he has to get his head sorted.

bigbird50 · 20/10/2022 17:37

Your DH is a very selfish man. I went to everyone of my DH appointments when he was fast tracked. They did find something and I had to be there for him. I didn’t miss any - I think you need to see him for who he is. Have you got RL support?

jackstini · 20/10/2022 17:39

Well that is completely shit of him

Bet you are wondering why you are with him at the moment

Sorry he has made a difficult day so much worse - YANBU to say what you want to!

OriginalUsername3 · 20/10/2022 17:41

Sorry to hear that. Honestly mine would pretend it wasn't happening. But I've left him because I can't bear to always carry him and not receive any support back.

Original poster
ItSeesMe · 20/10/2022 17:42

Yes, I do have RL support but I don't want to talk to anyone about it until I know what's happening. My best friend is about to lose her mum to cancel so she's doesn't need anymore stress. Plus the odds are still seriously in my favour that it's not cancer.

OP posts:
Snoken · 20/10/2022 17:44

I have been in a similar situation and I asked DH to just normal, I knew I had some waiting to do and prefer to do things to take my mind off it, which is easier said then done. I still appreciated the effort of pretending it was all normal.

Mentalpiece · 20/10/2022 17:46

Mine would go to the pub, but only because I'd send him there.

Original poster
ItSeesMe · 20/10/2022 17:46

Snoken - I completely agree. Normal is my preferred route, but it would be nice if he could at least remember to ask me how the scan went.

OP posts:
GoSomewhereThatDoes · 20/10/2022 17:49

I’m so sorry you haven’t had the all clear today, hopefully you’ll get that at the next stage.

And he’s a shit. A selfish shit.

TattiePants · 20/10/2022 17:52

OP I’m sorry to hear the news isn’t as good as it could be and your husband is a complete shit for not supporting you. Is there any one else other than your friend that you can talk to? Keep holding on to the fact that there is a very good chance that this won’t be cancer.

JugglingJanuary · 20/10/2022 17:53

@ItSeesMe

im sorry you're going through the tests & obviously hope they're benign/fatty lumps/anything but C!!

As for DH, what's he normally like? Does he generally think of you, pull his weight, ever put you first? It is he as much of an arse as he's coming across here? If he is generally an arse, then I'd definitely tell him to go to fuck and mean it!!

these tests aside, imagine if you were suddenly made disabled would you be confident he'd be there for you?

I'm 53 & now single. It's not always easy, but it's better than living with a DH that you don't trust to have your back & you know doesn't care about you as much as you care about them.