Are people on public transport just generally rude in London?

[ThatFridayFeeling11]

I live in Essex and went on the train to London last weekend. Dh and I took our two children aged 1 and 4. We go up to London quite a lot to see friends, visit places and we normally drive and just take advantage of any free weekend parking outside the congestion zone. But last weekend we thought we'd give thr trains a go. The vibe on trains really changes once you get into London and there's a general rudeness and indifference. I'm not saying that people should give you any special treatment because you've got a baby and young child but a little consideration would have been nice. On the dlr, nobody offered their seat even though i was holding a baby and very obviously wobbling all over the place.

One of the lifts was broken at a station so dh carried the pram down some steps and I took the children down the escalator. I had dd in my arms and ds holding my hand. A man pushed past to overtake us and walk down the escalator and nearly made ds topple over. Ok, I get people do that on busy working days, but on a Saturday afternoon?!

And when we did manage to get into another lift at a different station, 3 men got out and said to us to give the lift a few minutes airing time as they'd been smoking substances in there.

There were many moments similar to this during our day out. Maybe we were just unlucky but it really put me off going on public transport in London with young children. It has left me with the impression that it's just every man/woman for him/her self. We're from SE Essex so not exactly a sheltered, rural place. AIBU over this or can anyone relate?

Welcome to London. I always find it so unfriendly every time I go. Where I live people have chats on public transport and are super friendly but in London people just seem so rushed and self absorbed. Never understood the appearance of being there.

*appeal

There was a train strike on Saturday. The tube was probably full of late stressed out people trying to get to their destinations.

Like others, I've generally had the opposite experience to you.

I'm not saying that people should give you any special treatment because you've got a baby and young child but a little consideration would have been nice. On the dlr, nobody offered their seat even though i was holding a baby and very obviously wobbling all over the place.

Why did you not ask for a priority seat?

We took our elderly mum into London by tube and once we asked for a priority seat, lots of people scrambled to help, and also offered me a seat so I could sit next to my mum (which I declined as I could stand).

Prior to that, we took a bus due to the national rail strike and elderly people offered my mum a place without asking! I thanked them and said I would see if someone more able would give a seat, which they did without hesitation and also offered me a seat.

You need to be willing to ask for help.

I always offer my seat to a standing mother holding a baby, and I’ve seen it happening, rarely an elderly person, or mother carrying young child has to stand when I travel (maybe as I give up my seat). When I was pregnant I was offered a seat twice on my 5 days a week commute from Surrey into London, so yes it can be selfish. The most friendly I’ve found people on the tube was when my dog was a puppy! Everyone wanted to chat then!

The last time I went to London, was at Christmas for the Hyde park winter wonderland.

Yes the trains were cramped but when it came to getting off and trying to take a buggy upstairs, nearly everytime, someone stopped to help me.

I live in London and often travel by tube or bus with two young DC (similar ages to your but slightly younger) on my own! I find fellow travelers are usually really polite and helpful. If I need help and no one offers I always ask for it - for example I ask for a seat or for people to help me carry my pram up the steps or for people to walk with my toddler up the steps if I'm carrying the baby in the pram. No one ever refuses. Most people are in their own commuter bubble and don't notice you need help till you ask - it's not because they are inconsiderate or rude. There are always some arseholes out there, but where I have encountered them (eg a prat who wouldn't move his electric scooter out of the pram/wheelchair zone on a bus when I needed to use it for my pram), my fellow travelers have "risen up" to give the offending person a right ticking off.

I do not recognise your experience at all. Remember, in a day in London you will probably pass 1000s of people. If 1 or 2 are not quite perfect, it is still a low percentage. And the lift story is kind of sweet - yes, they did the wrong thing in smoking, but they tried to protect your little ones from it.

I travelled by public transport a lot when my two were little and also with elderly parents. Found other people almost unfailingly helpful.

The odd time it didn't work was on strike days. I encountered a few when pregnant (possibly dates me!?!) and everyone was all sort of out of synch on those days, not making their usual journeys, etc.

To be honest, even now, I only travel on strike days if it is absolutely necessary. It seems good manners to leave what public transport there is to people who absolutely need to make their journeys. Did you know about the strike? It seems a strange day to choose to try the trains if you usually drive. Surely it is predictable that it would all be a bit more stressy?

@alrightfella I always give up my seat to an obviously pregnant woman. I never give up my seat for a not-so-obvious bump unless she's wearing a badge or makes The Gesture, which is rubbing her belly in a way that only pregnant woman do. Having suffered the indignity of being offered a seat before by another woman for being fat, I just don't take the risk unless I'm certain, or the woman asks. If I was a bloke, I could get away with offering a fat woman a seat on the basis she's female. As a woman, I have to be very very sure she's actually pregnant, or I'll ruin her week!

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Completely agree. I felt anxious when I read the OP's description, because she and her two children would not have been standing safely on that escalator at all. I can't bear the thought of a woman and her kids taking a tumble on one of those things, because they're not following the safety advice!

@Yubgftr People in London are typically always going somewhere. The journeys can be stressful, or simply a time to recharge. You'll find if you actually need help and ask for it, it will be given. People are on autopilot until they're interrupted and asked for travel advice etc.

@Darbs76 Dogs on the tube make everything better. :) It's enough to break the normal rule of no speaking!

@Bookclub99 Agree - the sense of public justice when travelling is high. I saw a lady take a tumble the other day when the bus driver deliberately pulled away too quickly. The whole bus rushed to pick her up, sit her down, and give her advice on how to take down the driver's registration (it's displayed in the bus) and make a complaint. And proceeded to keep an eye on her the whole time she was sat back down so she didn't wobble again.

I agree with other posters - most people are in their own bubble and on auto pilot when travelling by tube but if you ask for help people are generally helpful and friendly. Just as they are everywhere.

I regularly whizz around London with a toddler, and before that a baby or a bump , and always found people really helpful.

The lift thing sounds grim, sorry you encountered that. But I agree with others that blocking an escalator is pretty much the only unforgivable sin on the tube.

I’ve mainly experienced positives. Yes there will always be a numpty amongst the thousands but in general people gave been helpful.

Also Saturday in London is a tourist day so the tube was probably full of people from your friendly town in Essex 😀.

Joking aside, you shouldn’t be holding hands across and blocking an escalator. Tube rule number 1.

I've always found the opposite. People used to offer my dc's tube seats when they were little.

If you're from Thurrock yabu to think Londoners are rude.
There are certain conventions around using London transport that make it run quickly and smoothly, like standing to one side on escalators to allow people in a rush to pass. It sounds like you were blocking the escalator, also why can't you hold a baby on a tube?!

Generally people are nicer ime

Re escalator you need to all stand to the side

I live in London and when I was heavily pregnant I think I got offered a seat once or twice. People aren't looking out for you, if you want a seat you'll need to ask.

Bless

😂😂 defo not the Londoners that are grumpy, sounds like it's the visitors who don't know how to travel in London getting all stressed with each other

• there was a train strike last weekend and a couple of tube lines were messed up. I'd be possed off if I had to travel that day too. People still work weekends and have to commute.

• if you need help or a seat, ask someone. I don't spend my commute staring at the door to see who gets on.

• I'm not saying that people should give you any special treatment because you've got a baby and young child but a little consideration would have been nice. Massive contradiction. You definitely wanted special treatment.

My sister comes to London to see me and complains people are rude because they don't strike up conversations or say hello in the street like they do in her village. I always point out to her that you would be exhausted if you went around saying hello to everyone who passed you and the pace is different.

It did sound as though you came across some inconsiderate people OP. But having lived in London for 30 years I can't say it's been my experience even when my DCs were young.

I live in London and work for TfL.

Weekends are now more busy than weekdays on public transport here because more people work from home.

It does sound like you were not using the escalators correctly OP. People are used to walking on the left...sounds like you blocked someone.

We rock to a different beat here. If you need something, ask. Don't assume people will help you. Abide by the unspoken rules. People have their route and allow themselves just enough time to complete it...children getting in the way increases their journey time and their stress levels. It's a culture that has exited for over 200 years! We appear unfriendly but if you strike up a conversation with any of us (especially during a crisis) we are actually nice!

Courtesy seems to go out the window when it’s busy - it’s each person for themselves. And I’m finding the tubes horrible at the moment; they have been adjusting the service to meet post covid demand but this autumn the tourists seem to be back with a bang and most tubes are helliishly packed. The Piccadilly line on Sunday had a train scheduled every 10 mins - I was with my5-y/o so we let the first packed one go but the next was just as bad. normally seats are offered up willingly for little ones but no-one was giving up their seat for anyone, not even old people.

I find london unfriendly in general but I was surprised on our last trip to london, people gave up their seats for our kids and a few people even helped with the pushchair getting on / off the tube (I most definitely could have done this myself but people just helped without asking)

it’s sounds like OP got a bad day but maybe as I had very low expectations I was a bit surprised. And OP had higher expectations that weren’t met.

Always the opposite experience for me. People have been so kind and helpful on the tube (I live in London so experience it daily). They chat to my children, give up seats. Sometimes too friendly - three times I have been offered a seat when I wasn’t pregnant (have never worn that dress again!!).