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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I have already apologised enough for this?

131 replies

HereForAdvice95 · 10/10/2022 16:27

My son is 6 and has autism. We have just moved into our house around a year ago and only know the neighbours to say hi and bye when we see them and that’s about it.

DS travels to school on a bus that collects and drops him off and they park right outside next doors house. Usually there is only one school bag so I use one hand for that and my other hand to hold his because he has a tendency to bolt and run off.

Last week he came home with quite a few bits because he had some extra school activities (swimming etc) and I couldn’t grab his hand quick enough when he got off the bus so he ran off - when he has done this before he just goes straight inside the house but when I turned around he had actually ran into next doors house (we have those doors where unless you lock the handle from the inside you can just walk straight in from the outside).

I went and got him straight out and apologised over and over to the neighbours - I also made him apologise - and because he has never done something like that before I sat him down afterwards and explained why he couldn’t do that - firstly for his own safety because some strangers are not very nice in the world and secondly because the people in the house might not be very happy about it and feel very upset and angry about it. He has no awareness of what is right and wrong at the moment or awareness of any dangers or anything like that because of the severity of autism.

The neighbours were clearly not very happy about it at the time which I completely understand - they know he has autism as they sometimes stop and chat to my parents outside when they pop over - however still now nearly a week later they just ignore us when we see them and very cold and stand-offish.

AIBU to think that okay even though it wasn’t ideal, they should be a bit more understanding towards DS’s additional needs and get over it considering the amount of times we have both apologised for this isolated incident?!

OP posts:
Whatacarryonthisis · 10/10/2022 16:32

They need to lock their door

yanbu op

Worthyornot · 10/10/2022 16:33

Yes they should be over it now, but I imagine that he gave them quite a fright or possibly interrupted them in an unpleasant way. I would just leave it and not try to force a friendliness if they don't want it.

RunningFromInsanity · 10/10/2022 16:33

It does seems a bit of an overreaction.
As a one off I wouldn’t mind a 6 year old running into the house, autistic or not. I would probably be quite amused.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/10/2022 16:38

If you keep your door locked like any sensible person does, a stranger can't burst through your door.

Don't give it or them another thought. It was an innocent mistake of a child and no harm was done.

SusanPerbCallMeSue · 10/10/2022 16:39

Yes, they should get over it. It happened once!

I'd be amused if it happened to me. But then being autistic myself with 2 autistic children your son would fit right in. 😊

They need to lock their door, at least it was just your son and no one dodgy.

BabyofMine · 10/10/2022 16:42

I can’t imagine being cross about this in the slightest! I’d be more worrying about the child being upset. They are being VERY unreasonable!

worriedatthistime · 10/10/2022 16:43

Should of locked the door then
Hes just a kid

butterfliedtwo · 10/10/2022 16:45

This is why people should lock doors. You apologised. Ignore.

AutumnScream · 10/10/2022 16:45

Just ignore them right back. Very childish of them they need to get over it. He is a child. It wasnt malicious. They ought to lock their door in future.

Blowyourowntrumpet · 10/10/2022 16:49

I wouldn't be annoyed if this happened to me, but people blaming the occupants of the house for not locking the door is ridiculous.

CheezePleeze · 10/10/2022 16:54

They need to lock their door from now on.

It's the easiest solution.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 10/10/2022 16:56

If my neighbour had a young child with ASD, I'd much prefer they ran into my house and were safe than legged down the street. You don't need to apologise anymore.

kessiebird · 10/10/2022 16:57

YANBU. I'd not try to make amendments any further, which is a shame but you have apologised anyway. Some people don't like their personal space invaded but then they should lock the door. I'd be amused and likely offer you tea and biscuits.

Try not to think on it

kessiebird · 10/10/2022 16:57

*Amends not amendments.

MrsNobodyMM · 10/10/2022 16:58

Ridiculous reaction from them. It's a child doing it not an adult plus he has additional needs of which they're aware. Don't give it a second thought they sound horrible actually.

eldora · 10/10/2022 17:02

They are acting like weirdo twats, may e they have a sex dungeon. But YABU for worrying about their behaviour, just ignore them and don’t even look at them let alone saying hello.

Somethingsnappy · 10/10/2022 17:03

CheezePleeze · 10/10/2022 16:54

They need to lock their door from now on.

It's the easiest solution.

I expect they will from now on! 😁

Don't worry too much OP. Perhaps they are concerned that there will be other 'incidents' since you're new, and it's only been a week since it happened. They will probably mellow a bit once time passes and they don't have any more visits from a tiny intruder!

Summerfun54321 · 10/10/2022 17:04

Kill them with kindness - be overly friendly and chatty and show you don’t care what they think or how they act towards you.

Soakitup37 · 10/10/2022 17:05

Like pp I’d prefer the child ran to a safe space - it wouldn’t occur to me to even expect an apology, even though you’d give one, I’d say oh don’t worry about it, Is he/you ok? I wouldn’t even think about it later than maybe to recall it as part of my day much less hold a grudge about it!

purpleboy · 10/10/2022 17:05

Don't give it any more headspace, you've apologized, if they can't move on that's their problem not yours.
FWIW I wouldn't be bothered by a random child running into my house, not the sort of thing that happens every day!!

BatteryPoweredMammy · 10/10/2022 17:06

Goodness! I think you’re reading far too much into their lack of stopping to chat to you. You’ve apologised once and that’s enough. There’s no need to keep mentioning it.

You can only assume they’re still annoyed if they actually tell you this. Making negative assumptions about other people based on them saying nothing, seems to be a very English/British thing to do unfortunately.

Keep saying hello and smiling when you see them and I’m sure they’ll find time for a chat at some point.

User38899953 · 10/10/2022 17:06

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 10/10/2022 16:56

If my neighbour had a young child with ASD, I'd much prefer they ran into my house and were safe than legged down the street. You don't need to apologise anymore.

Absolutely this.

Notjusta · 10/10/2022 17:08

How weird to be angry or annoyed about a very little boy - who they know has ASD - mistakenly running into their house one time. YANBU.

Were they naked or something?!

cstaff · 10/10/2022 17:10

Are you sure that this is the reason why they are being like this. It sounds way over the top if that is the case.

Any normal neighbour would be relieved that your DS picked their house and not some random place he didn't know or couldn't be found at.

ShineOnYouLikeMorningStar · 10/10/2022 17:10

YANBU. Sounds like they're the ones acting like 6 year olds, TBH. A week later & they're still in a snit at you/him because he made an innocent mistake? Perhaps they did get a fright when he ran in, maybe they'll be more careful in future & hopefully this will have planted the seed in their mind that next time it could be a burglar. I wonder if it's actually themselves they are partly upset with.

Ignore their childish behaviour, just rise above it. Maybe drop into conversation that there's been some burglaries locally recently.