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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I have already apologised enough for this?

131 replies

HereForAdvice95 · 10/10/2022 16:27

My son is 6 and has autism. We have just moved into our house around a year ago and only know the neighbours to say hi and bye when we see them and that’s about it.

DS travels to school on a bus that collects and drops him off and they park right outside next doors house. Usually there is only one school bag so I use one hand for that and my other hand to hold his because he has a tendency to bolt and run off.

Last week he came home with quite a few bits because he had some extra school activities (swimming etc) and I couldn’t grab his hand quick enough when he got off the bus so he ran off - when he has done this before he just goes straight inside the house but when I turned around he had actually ran into next doors house (we have those doors where unless you lock the handle from the inside you can just walk straight in from the outside).

I went and got him straight out and apologised over and over to the neighbours - I also made him apologise - and because he has never done something like that before I sat him down afterwards and explained why he couldn’t do that - firstly for his own safety because some strangers are not very nice in the world and secondly because the people in the house might not be very happy about it and feel very upset and angry about it. He has no awareness of what is right and wrong at the moment or awareness of any dangers or anything like that because of the severity of autism.

The neighbours were clearly not very happy about it at the time which I completely understand - they know he has autism as they sometimes stop and chat to my parents outside when they pop over - however still now nearly a week later they just ignore us when we see them and very cold and stand-offish.

AIBU to think that okay even though it wasn’t ideal, they should be a bit more understanding towards DS’s additional needs and get over it considering the amount of times we have both apologised for this isolated incident?!

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 10/10/2022 17:11

I’d actually love it if a 6 year old came running in. It’s make my day as long as they weren’t too upset / disoriented by it. Your neighbours are being weird and silly.

magicstar1 · 10/10/2022 17:12

You've apologised enough. My friend's 12 year old son who is autistic, ran into someone's house, up the stairs, and got into one of the beds. She was very embarassed but they were lovely and said not to worry. That's all your neighbours should do too.

EmmaDilemma5 · 10/10/2022 17:12

100% they should get over it. Moody gits. I guess it just shows their true colours. I'd suggest no more niceties, just keep it on ignoring basis from now on. No more favours, smiles or Christmas cards.

MrsPicklesonSmythe · 10/10/2022 17:14

Who doesn't lock their front door?!

They are BU, I'd just kill them with kindness, big smiley waves etc

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/10/2022 17:14

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 10/10/2022 16:56

If my neighbour had a young child with ASD, I'd much prefer they ran into my house and were safe than legged down the street. You don't need to apologise anymore.

Exactly. Please ignore them op.

musingsinmidlife · 10/10/2022 17:16

He is a six year old and they knew who he was as he lives next door. While they might have been caught off guard - there was no risk or threat or anything to be scared of.

Did you knock or call out or did you just run into their house unannounced after him?

Either way, they need to get over it.

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 10/10/2022 17:19

@HereForAdvice95

advice?

consider them not talking to you a win!!
just ignore them.

I'm just glad he ran into a house, not a car.

He's welcome to barge into mine anytime

bert3400 · 10/10/2022 17:21

It's them that has a problem, not you. Total overreaction. As others have suggested be overly friendly next time you see them.

NightsByTheLake · 10/10/2022 17:24

It seems an OTT reaction. He’s a child, they know he has autism, it’s just one of those things.

But maybe they have a reason to be so bothered. You never know what they’ve got going on in their life.

Regardless, it happened, you’ve apologised. There’s nothing else you can do. This wouldn’t be a big issue for the vast majority of people. At most, they’d lock their door in future if they wanted it to not happen again. Don’t dwell on it.

isadoradancing123 · 10/10/2022 17:31

Seems like a total over reaction on their part

Noteverybodylives · 10/10/2022 17:36

YANBU

But I would be very surprised if this was actually what they were annoyed at.

PeekAtYou · 10/10/2022 17:38

They need to get a massive grip and lock their door. It was once and during the day and they weren't doing anything embarrassing like shagging or sensitive like having a wake.

Once I strolled across the car park and opened the door to what I thought was my car. My car was parked next to this one and I nearly sat on the driver's lap 🫣 Luckily the driver thought it was hilarious. Haven't thought of that incident in years until I read you post.

Cold and distant is fine.

mamabear715 · 10/10/2022 17:39

Odd buggers. I'd have laughed & supplied chocolate.

Abra1t · 10/10/2022 17:41

He's a child! They are being very weird about this.

Eightiesgirl · 10/10/2022 17:42

This wouldn't bother me at all. He's just a young child. If your son had been a teenager, then I can imagine it might have frightened them but for goodness sake he's just a little boy. They should have got over it by now.

SummerInSun · 10/10/2022 17:43

Just keep being super friendly to them. Calling out hi, how are you, isn't it a lovely day, but wet isn't it, etc, as though nothing had happened. They'll thaw eventually, and much sooner if you keep being nice and polite than if you start ignoring them too

girlmom21 · 10/10/2022 17:44

I would have have laughed too but I'm wondering if this might be the straw that broke the camels back.
I'm assuming if they talk to your parents they're older - were the people who used to live in your house elderly?

dirtyasadustpanlid · 10/10/2022 17:46

God, it would make my day to see a happy little visitor!

They are massively over reacting and being really unkind. They know the score with your little fella.

ScurryfungeMaster · 10/10/2022 17:48

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 10/10/2022 16:56

If my neighbour had a young child with ASD, I'd much prefer they ran into my house and were safe than legged down the street. You don't need to apologise anymore.

I agree completely. There was no malice in his actions, he's just a little boy and you've apologised so I think they are being ridiculous to ignore you because of this one incident.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 10/10/2022 17:49

This was a week ago? Why are you still stewing about it? Have they said anything since?

beachcitygirl · 10/10/2022 17:50

They are idiots. Don't give them a second thought. He's an innocent child.

CheezePleeze · 10/10/2022 17:53

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 10/10/2022 17:49

This was a week ago? Why are you still stewing about it? Have they said anything since?

I expect she's still stewing because her neighbours still aren't talking to her?

LuckyLil · 10/10/2022 17:53

How many more people are going to victim blame the neighbours?

It's perfectly reasonable not to lock yourself in when you are at home without expecting someone from outside to come bursting into your home without warning.

Not everyone lives in a paranoid world where we should all bolt ourselves in and its our fault if the neighbours kid comes barging in. It doesn't make you a 'twat' for not locking yourself indoors when it isn't necessary for goodness sake.

They probably should have got over that incident but may well feel it an intrusion of their home they weren't comfortable with and might be wondering if they are now going to have to lock themselves in to stop it happening again.

Since when did it become weird or twattish not to be so terrified ot the outside world that you are expected to automatically lock yourselves indoors? Maybe they enjoy feeling relaxed enough in their community that they didn't have to lock themselves in and might not want to have to start doing it.

YouSirNeighMmmm · 10/10/2022 17:53

RunningFromInsanity · 10/10/2022 16:33

It does seems a bit of an overreaction.
As a one off I wouldn’t mind a 6 year old running into the house, autistic or not. I would probably be quite amused.

I'd be incredibly annoyed I think. But I would also think that it's not the kid's fault, it's not the parents fault, and having to lock the door in future is not the biggest problem ever - and it might even keep them safe from a future intruder.

Maray1967 · 10/10/2022 17:54

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 10/10/2022 16:56

If my neighbour had a young child with ASD, I'd much prefer they ran into my house and were safe than legged down the street. You don't need to apologise anymore.

Exactly this. I hope I would feel that way even if I was a bit taken aback at first. Once parent had apologised, I’d be fine. And yes, they do need to lock their door. If they are burgled, I can’t see an insurance company paying out. And there are are burglars who don’t wait until you’ve gone out as my grandparents discovered when they hadn’t locked their front door.