Some random bloke just started an argument with me.

[FeelingMoreFreeWithEveryYear]

I was just out running with my dog in the countryside near my house. I was absolutely minding my own business as I was determined to run 5K without stopping. My dog runs off lead, until I see another dog, which is rare, and I call him to heel or put on lead depending on situation. My dog doesn't like big dogs coming up to him and a while ago he was attacked by a pack of dogs and I thought he was toast! My dog totally minds his own business.

So, we were going along and these 3 dogs come round the corner without anyone with them. 2 large and 1 medium, so I put my dog on the lead and carry on running. No bother. I'm expecting owner to appear and call dogs back, but they don't. All 3 dogs start circling mine and sniffing his butt and one was in his face. I just carried on running. However, as I ran past the man started making comments to me very loudly, not sure for whose benefit in the middle of a field, about how "isn't it funny how people with dogs are the worst, and hate other dogs" and other comments. So, I stopped and said something about his dogs circling mine and he doesn't like it. Then he made some more comments and by this time I was enraged by this guy who I doubt would be saying all this if I was a man. So I told him I didn't think he was setting his DC a very good example making comments to a woman out on her own. Then he made some more comments, I can't even remember what, so I called him a F* Arsehole and jogged on with him shouting something as I left.

I'm not proud of using this language in front of DC, but I am SICK of men who think they can make comments and just carry on without being pulled up on it. I'm SICK OF IT. If I had been with my DH, I doubt very much he would have said anything.

I know IABU for using bad language in front of DC, but AIBU for how I handle my dog when out, or is he?

I personally wouldn't have gotten into the confrontation. There really is absolutely no point and it just makes life harder. If it was someone you knew then that's one thing, but a random stranger? I have much more important things to worry about TBH.

That said, I wish people wouldn't start arguing withs strangers in public places. I used to work as a police officer and the number of calls we would get from people (mainly women but also some men too, it's not a gendered issue) was astounding. They victim would get someone gobbing off, they would get enraged and retaliate and start screaming/swearing and the person would then smack them. Next thing you know we have people saying they were assaulted and it's a huge mess with loads of hassle and money being wasted (for the police) because people generally can't keep it shut.

As a guy I would be extremely reluctant to start gobbing back at someone who clearly has either a bad attitude/problem with their emotions or is just a bad person. Anyone who starts squaring up to me in the street likely means business, I am too old and have experienced enough to know it's simply not worth the misery.

The question I always ask is, what is it you are trying to achieve by getting into an argument with someone you don't know? If it's getting knocked flat, go ahead because the chances are someone will (or worse in today's climate). If it is to "win" the debate, it's useless because these types don't want to be corrected, they want a fight.

I do NOT condone shitty behaviour from anyone, and that guy needs a good telling off (and it will happen at some point, he will come a cropper when he starts on the wrong person). At the same time, the moment you start escalating your behaviour, you are now inviting a confrontation and that also isn't a bright idea. I did years in the job, and I very rarely had anyone start with me unless I was dealing with drug/alcohol users. My starting position is "what can I do to DE-escalate this situation?" and "what is actually going on here?" I do see though that a man acting in that way is intimidating to ANYONE (I am not getting into the gender issue here, I think it's a major red herring). In those situations we can easily move to fight/flight and we do or say things we later probably think better of doing.

Yes, we must all put up with random strangers having a go at us over nothing, and must meekly shuffle away before some accuses us of causing a scene. 🙄

Fuck that.

This is why women don't run alone. There is something about running that makes some men (a lot of men) very angry. It doesn't happen quite so much when you're walking but it also happens when you are swimming or using the weights in the gym that you have bought and paid for but some think should be a lady-free zone. It's frightening to realise how many many men feel threatened by women trying to be fit and strong and want to scare them back indoors.

Even my husband didn't believe me until the day he stopped to tie his shoelace and I got foul abuse from two wankers in seconds. One of them said: "Sorry mate. I thought she was on her own."

OP i'd continue to take your dog or run with someone else if the route is lonely. Don't feel bad about swearing in front of his children. He can explain that the lady said a naughty words and Daddy was being a creepy dick. Ignore the soppy cows saying you did anything wrong. They always come out on threads like this.

we have people saying they were assaulted and it's a huge mess with loads of hassle and money being wasted (for the police) because people generally can't keep it shut.

Oh @Burgoo how dreadful for you. No wonder you stopped working as a police officer. I hope you've found employment more to your liking.

Are there any other things people who are going about their lawful business can do to avoid troubling the police?

Women should have dignity and walk on by in silence. Men, meanwhile, have free rein to do what they so often do and insult/harass lone women in public. Such is the wearisomely predictable tone of some of the responses in this thread.

The only way in which I'd have exercised caution here is in risk-assessing. A woman who backchats a man could easily end up in a ditch. We all know this isn't catastrophizing; it happens with far too alarming a regularity.

I'm pleased you challenged his behaviour, OP, and also glad you came out of that situation unscathed.

I too am sick of it.

It doesn't happen quite so much when you're walking but it also happens when you are swimming or using the weights in the gym that you have bought and paid for but some think should be a lady-free zone. It's frightening to realise how many many men feel threatened by women trying to be fit and strong and want to scare them back indoors.

It's true. Swimming SERIOUSLY fucking annoys them. Water patriarchy chicken makes them incandescent with rage. I've had at least three men try to give me impromptu swimming lessons since joining my particular gym; inquired of the bloke who asked me last time that if he was wasted in his current occupation, he could apply for a job as an instructor and get paid for what he was offering me for free.

These days, I just keep my swimmers' earplugs in, and if I'm approached point to them and shake my head.

I would absolutely bet that the man wouldn’t have acted the way he did if the OP was a man.

Last weekend I was on a bus when a man got right up in my face and started having a go because I was sitting on the seat behind him and he felt I should be somewhere else. I absolutely stood up to him, but when another male passenger told him to stop he suddenly got up and moved. Twat.

And it’s not all dogs off lead which are a problem. My dog’s recall is perfect, he will come straight back and I can either put him on a lead or move in a different direction if there are other dogs around. He has never jumped up at anyone in his life.

But at usual these threads bring out the <yawn> anti dog arseholes.

Well done for saying something back to him. Men that make nasty uncalled for comments to women need telling to fuck off!

@Noteverybodylives

What is actually wrong with you?

Your words will no doubt stay with those kids, and it's not their fault. I wouldn't have used that language for that reason, and I think you're every bit as bad as him.

Well, they’re almost certainly a man for starters, perhaps even the man in question….

Have reported their post.

Of course they won’t.

Besides which I suspect that they are used to that kind of language and are used to conflict.

years ago I was ripped apart on here for not answering the door to trick or treaters, and was told that the kids would remember my meanness forever.

I suspect however that they would be more likely to remember their father screaming through my letterbox that I was a miserable fucking cunt. But no, it was my actions the kids would apparently remember….

Is it harrassment or just really annoying twat-like behavoiour?

He wouldn't have started an argument with me. I would have just kept running. It's not about being subservient to men or anything like that, it's about not being the type of person that have an argument in public with a complete stranger over a complete non event. No one learns any lessons and everyone just ends up looking like a twat.

Why should she? Her dog was under control.

Dogs are allowed off lead you know.

I am still feeling very shaken.

I've noticed that the men where I live are really aggressive. I see men constantly beeping their horns at people for no reason, winding down windows and screaming obscenities at people, mostly women. Don't instantly move on an amber light just about to go green and you'll get it. Turn right and the car behind has to take a minor detour round the back of your car, and you'll get it. My favourite is wanting turn right at the mini roundabout near our station. When the oncoming car is miles away, they speed up and go over the roundabout beeping their horn just in case you you were thinking about going. For a while I thought I was a terrible driver, maybe it was me, but then I went back to my home town and I noticed that no one was doing it there. Not once did I hear a beep or see anyone kicking off. The all just seem really angry here with zero respect for women. I honestly believe it is like this where I live.

A few months ago I was at work and creating a display. I wasn't with any customers. Some elderly man came up to me and said "smile, it won't hurt you". His wife got all embarrassed and said, "leave her alone XXXX, she's busy". Then he went on a 5-min rant about how I wasn't smiling at anyone. I was so shocked. It's not like I was serving him or anything. I was up a ladder making a display, concentrating on not falling off it. I think that this incident, along with my experience of where I am living, has put me on the major defensive.

I'm just sick of it. It is not all men of course but lots of them. I just went to the supermarket and decided that I am just not going to make eye contact with men I don't know. I just don't want to interact with them unless I have to.

I was in Tesco the other day with my toddler in the yellow car trolleys they have and some youngish (20s?) guy stopped me and said something I didn't hear, so I said sorry? And he repeated himself something like slow down love he'll get a speeding ticket but when he repeated it he came closer to me and put his hand on my lower back. I heard the words "don't fucking touch me" come out my mouth before I even thought about saying them, I don't swear in front of my son, but something about this man thinking it was ok to touch me just like auto triggered it. He called me a stuck up bitch. I may well be deemed ' just as bad as him ' for swearing first but frankly women need to stand up for themselves and I won't apologise for doing so, hopefully he won't randomly touch other women. So no, YANBU in my opinion. We take enough unsolicited touching/opinions/catcalling from men - women have every right to defend themselves.

Will you stop being so utterly ridiculous 🙄

Yes, I notice that sometimes, OP, particularly the angry driving. Our village has a new 20 mph speed limit. I was actually slightly exceeding the speed limit going along the road yesterday but a car behind was tailgating and actually sounded his horn as I naturally slowed down to 20, without using my brakes, as I indicated to turn left. Amazing how you can drive people mad by just sticking to the speed limit.

I agree. He started it why shouldn't she have called him out.

If you ignore them they just do it again to someone else.

does everything go over your head?

@DirectionToPerfection If OP had come on here and said the complete opposite that it was the man who brought her DCs into it and started swearing at her.

Would you still say that he was in the right to do so?

If not then you are a hypocrite.