DH being friends with a girl half his age

[PleaseBeHonest]

DH is 47 and this girl is in her twenties. She used to work for him, he was her manager. At the time, things weren’t great between DH and I. He was coming home every day in a foul mood, not even acknowledging me most nights. He’d then blame the stress of work. However, he then talked about how much fun he had at work and that they “spent the whole day laughing”. He mentioned a few colleagues but this one (the girl) he mentioned more than most. I actually lost my temper with him because he was mentioning her so much.

Then she found another job and left the company about 6 months ago. I thought that would be the end of it.

Then at the weekend DH showed me his phone and I could see that there was a conversation between the two of them. Basically she was asking him if he was going to someone’s leaving do and he said he wasn’t. All innocent enough, but why are they still in contact? Especially as I had raised concerns about her in the past.

DH said they were friends 🙄. AIBU to have an issue with a 47 year old MARRIED man being friends with a girl in her twenties?

Just for background, I have NEVER had an issue with anyone else DH has worked with ever. Just this one girl.

[Serinablack]

Trust your gut on this one.

[Itloggedmeoutagain]

@Angelinflipflops

I don't mind being called a girl, as a fully grown woman, I also call men boys, shoot me

Me too
It would never cross my mind to say I'm going out with the women!
I'm going out with the girls

[gannett]

There's only one reason a 47-year-old man is friends with a girl half his age and it's not because he's interested in her personality.

What tosh. Just because your brain fixates so much on shagging doesn't mean it's the reason for everyone else's friendships.

One just makes friends in a wide age range through work. I'm in my late 30s and friends with men and women from their 20s through to their 60s. No one's stopped being friendly with me as I've got older.

DP hosted a barbecue for a few of his new work colleagues over the summer. I'd never met any of them and it was a pretty varied crowd. Young woman just out of university, Greek grandmother who'd been at the workplace for decades etc. All good fun.

[GreenFingersWouldBeHandy]

DH showed me his phone

So he's not communicating with her in secret. You sound very jealous.

Basically she was asking him if he was going to someone’s leaving do and he said he wasn’t.

So he's not planning on meeting her.

I'm trying to work out what your issue is here?

[Miajk]

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy

DH showed me his phone

So he's not communicating with her in secret. You sound very jealous.

Basically she was asking him if he was going to someone’s leaving do and he said he wasn’t.

So he's not planning on meeting her.

I'm trying to work out what your issue is here?

Agreed. If he was up to something he wouldn't mention her often, he'd probably want to hide it.

Asking an ex colleague you were friends with if they're attending an event related to that job is pretty normal. I don't think age is relevant I've become friendly with both men and women older than me at jobs.

[Miajk]

Btw, I'm confused why you're so focused on this girl instead of focusing on your relationship and your partner's behaviour.

You have a DH problem and it would probably make more sense to try to sort that instead of worrying about his female colleagues.

[Dyawannafeelhowitfeels]

In my late 20s and in my previous job I was really good friends with a guy in his 60s! He wasn’t creepy, there was absolutely no inappropriate conversations/behaviours. He was just someone great to speak to. He would listen to me moaning about relationship etc and give really good advice. He also supported me a lot when I had some mental health issues. He still texts me time to time to check how I and we very occasionally go for lunch. I’ve known him years now, and nothing ever has occurred untoward!

I wouldn’t think it was suspicious just because of the age difference, but mentionitis and being moody with you when he comes home Is a bit iffy

[CarmenBizet]

Every situation is different.

Can attest to it often being totally innocent. A couple of my closest friends are guys that are 15-20yr older, met through volunteering when I was in my twenties and had a lot of common interests. Over the years the friendship developed gradually and I got to know their families/partners/kids and vice versa. Never a sniff of anything untoward on either side and they have both been some of the greatest friendships I've ever had (I of course have friends of my own age too, younger, female and male).

It would be a sad world if everyone was limited as to who they could be friends with due to age/sex.

[5128gap]

Its not something I would find acceptable.
I have a particular dislike of older men cultivating close friendships with young women. Almost always the man sees her inappropriately and all too often makes a show of himself, either sleezing after her or acting like a love struck fool in her presence. Embarrassing for him and by extension for his partner, as typically everyone in the office sees what he's doing and laughs at him. Not to mention the power dynamic and potential for exploitation if he is her senior at work.
As far as I'm concerned any decent older man avoids these situations like the plague, and I'd feel very differently about any man who didn't.

[YellowTreeHouse]

YABU. You either trust him or you don’t; don’t put this on her.

You get lots of different age ranges in the workplace. There’s nothing wrong with age gap friendships.

[ittakes2]

I think the fact she is young and an old colleague is a red herring. Your spidery senses are tingling.

[TwoWrightFeet]

You mean woman right?

[PleaseBeHonest]

@ittakes2

I think the fact she is young and an old colleague is a red herring. Your spidery senses are tingling.

That’s exactly it. We’ve been together 20 years and I’ve NEVER had an issue with any of his female colleagues. Just this one. The way he talked about her incessantly. Then stopped suddenly. I haven’t even met her.

[Shiningstarr]

Can you find out any further info? Is it just the messaging about the leaving do? Or are there any further conversations? Are they friends on social media? Can you find out??

[PleaseBeHonest]

@Shiningstarr he’s deleted all the previous messages. And his Friends list is not visible on Facebook.

[Sclover0604]

I could have written this post years ago about my DH - everyone told me I was overthinking and a woman of 24 wouldn’t be interested in my balding husband of 46 - right up to the point I left him for sleeping with her.
If your intuition is telling you things are not right, I’d listen to it!
if it helps, leaving was the best thing I’ve ever done and I’m so much happier now!

[PleaseBeHonest]

It sounds like they enjoyed working together at a time he didn’t like being married to you.

Ouch, that hurt 😞

[Shiningstarr]

@PleaseBeHonest

@Shiningstarr he’s deleted all the previous messages. And his Friends list is not visible on Facebook.

Do you know her name? Can you search for her and see if she is friends with your DH?

It's odd he has deleted the messages. People don't delete messages unless they are hiding something.

[Shiningstarr]

What a horrible reply that surely won't help the OP or make her feel any better.

[Serinablack]

What a bitchy reply.

[Musti]

She’s probably asking people that she knows if they are going to the leaving do to decide whether to go or not. And he’s said no, so he’s hardly keen is he?

[FiveMins]

I think if your Spidey sense is tingling it's usually for good reason. My DH is friends with a woman who just turned 30 (he is 50). They worked very closely together and despite being chalk and cheese got on incredibly well and 2 years later he still goes and has a coffee with her now and again. I am 100% sure it is a friendship so have no issue with it at all. However 10 years ago he had a work colleague who he mentioned all the time and eventually I got it out of him that he had a crush on her. I could just tell.

[Midnights]

This makes me terrified sometimes - I'm in my twenties - I'm friendly with lots of people at work, who are quite a bit older (just the nature of the workplace and business). Both men and women I will add! Half of them are like bonus parents to me 😂

I think there's nothing wrong with friendships in the workplace when you're not the same age - however you know your husband, if this is unusual for him / he had mentionitus / you're getting a weird feeling - then that's a reason to be feeling weird about it. It's the same as it being normal for someone to work late, but if it sets senses tingling then it's dependant on the individual situation.

[WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps]

@Zingy123

Do you mean woman? A girl is a child.

There's always one.