AIBU?
DD and being in car with 17yr who's just passed test
Godsavetheking2022 · 09/10/2022 17:33
My DD is 16 in y11 and is getting friendly on social media with a boy who passed his test a few weeks ago. He goes to the same school so she knows him to message but not that well in real life yet.
He wants to pick her up to go for a drive locally, I suppose to get to know each other. I understand this but as parents, we are nervous about her being in a car with someone who she barely knows and has only just passed his test. We would like her to introduce him first but obviously to a 16 yr old this is way too cringeworthy.
We are at stalemate at the moment but are not sure if we are being unreasonable and overprotective. I've offered to take her to a mutual place to get food but apparently they want to keep it low key to avoid gossip.
What would you do? Allow the drive to a local walk with a 17yr you don't know but goes to the same school? We are worried he won't be road savvy enough.
Yanbu-say no
Yabu - you should let her go
Am I being unreasonable?
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PeekAtYou · 09/10/2022 21:46
I understand why you're concerned. I wish the rule was no passengers until a year after passing like in some other countries.
I might just say she can go out while it's light.
My dd is a new driver and has a black box that forces her not to speed or her insurance becomes invalid. Would it make your feel better if the bf had one ?
nomoreflyingducks · 09/10/2022 21:47
My lovely DM always had a rule of "once they've (driver) had their first crash, you can drive with them" that rule saved my life, when my newly qualified friend, asked if I wanted to go out with her, I made a lame excuse remembering my mums words, so friend went out, took a bend too fast, friend luckily not hurt, but passenger side totally caved in.
I'll be following the same rule once mine get to that age.
watcherintherye · 09/10/2022 21:48
as parents, we are nervous about her being in a car with someone who she barely knows and has only just passed his test. We would like her to introduce him first but obviously to a 16 yr old this is way too cringeworthy.
I do understand your misgivings, but what difference will it make if you meet him first? Are you going to quiz him on the Highway Code?
DdraigGoch · 09/10/2022 21:52
Gooseberrypies · 09/10/2022 17:35
He passed his test, he’s been checked, confirmed as safe to drive and is allowed to drive with passengers just as much as any other driver. She’s 16, it’s not up to you and you should mind your own business.
So was this lad. So were the many other 17 year old boys who have killed their friends and girlfriends through reckless driving. Just because you can pass a test on one occasion doesn't mean that you will be a responsible driver going forward.
www.bbc.com/news/uk-wales-51766292
Godsavetheking2022 · 09/10/2022 21:53
@Unexpecteddrivinginstructor she isn't always the best judge of character which worries me. She is eager to please and wants to appear cool. So also red flags. In my opinion she wouldn't be willing to ask them to slow down. We will work on this with her.
BusyLondonMother · 09/10/2022 21:57
@Godsavetheking2022 one road I still can't stand now is the one my boyfriend (at a similar age) and his mates drove me along at what seemed like a terrifying speed at the time. I wanted to get out (or for him to slow down) but was too scared to say so - and I had no idea where I was, and wouldn't have had enough money on me for a taxi.
I think you are right to caution against this.
CaronPoivre · 09/10/2022 22:00
@Gooseberrypies Except at 16, they are still children and it is still a parental responsibility to keep them safe and guide them towards adulthood by continuing to impose reasonable boundaries.
1:5 young drivers will crash in first year. Most will be nice youngsters.
Over 1500 youngsters are seriously injured or die every year.
Newly qualified drivers with a car full of passengers of similar age are four times more likely to be in a fatal crash, compared with when driving alone.
Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 09/10/2022 22:10
I do understand your misgivings, but what difference will it make if you meet him first? Are you going to quiz him on the Highway Code?
They, and dd, will at least get a sense of whether he is generally responsible, considerate, respects others, all things which are useful for both partners and drivers. Is she even sure he is a boy in her school? Has she met him at all? If she has any social media pictures of her in uniform or any indication of which school she is at he could be anyone who has made a profile to message her. Sounds especially risky if he doesn't want her discussing it with friends, even if he is in sixth form in her school he might not want her to hear stories from others about him.
TheOnlyBeeInYourBonnet · 10/10/2022 01:17
nomoreflyingducks · 09/10/2022 21:47
My lovely DM always had a rule of "once they've (driver) had their first crash, you can drive with them" that rule saved my life, when my newly qualified friend, asked if I wanted to go out with her, I made a lame excuse remembering my mums words, so friend went out, took a bend too fast, friend luckily not hurt, but passenger side totally caved in.
I'll be following the same rule once mine get to that age.
Very sound advice, lucky my idiot DS had his first accident very soon after his test and didn't seriously hurt anyone but the bruised ego did him a world of good.
TeenDivided · 10/10/2022 07:07
I watch a lot of programmes like 'highway patrol'. It is interesting that in Aus/NZ (can't remember which) young drivers aren't allowed other young passengers other than siblings. I think that would be a good rule for here too.
Passing your test shows that on one particular day you reached a minimum standard. After 3 months of regular driving you'll be better, and after a year or 2 probably much better. I'd like 3 months passed before driving round anyone extra. It's a distraction if nothing else.
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