DD and being in car with 17yr who's just passed test

YABU

Push back on the meeting a stranger somewhere remote part but quite frankly, if you start banning her from any new drivers (for a full year aswell!) then she will just start lying to you. As a child of a mum was one of these ridiculously over the top ones, there is so much she doesn't know about

@Bzzz - I agree. Genuine question for those who wouldn’t allow it - how are you going to know? If you DC drove off alone but picked up 3 mates later, how on earth would you know? At 17, I would wager almost all DC would pick their mates up rather than say “I’m not allowed”.

Being able to get access to a car and drive around is one of THE most significant parts of teendom - especially before they can get into bars and clubs. I remember the first time I got to drive my dad’s car to school and pulled into the car park - I really thought I was going to explode with coolness lol.

he's passed his test and so is officially allowed to drive and considered to be safe on the road.

Every summer one reads news stories about car crashes with multiple fatalities involving carloads of 17/18 yr olds. Presumably all those drivers had passed their tests and were conidered to be safe on the road.

Of course you can never be sure what your teenagers are up to, they’re teenagers!! But setting boundaries helps

In New Zealand there is a stage between the learners and full licence called restricted. There are a few rules associated with the restricted licence, one of which is no passengers unless they have had a full licence for at least two years. This is in recognition that new drivers are still learning and having passengers can be a dangerous distraction. So I don't think parents on here who've said they didn't allow passengers were being unreasonable or pathetic trying to keep their children safe.

But in this case it's not just the driving, it's the risk of her being alone in the car with a boy she barely knows. Hopefully he's perfectly nice and it would be fine, but there are safer ways for them to spend time together at this stage.

Mine were not allowed in cars with drivers under 20 with less than a years driving experience. I valued their lives and the incidence of serious RTAs rises dramatically in new drivers with others in the car.
They very rarely chose to disregard our opinion. They didn't to.

Locally, during the day should be fine. Ds drove his girlfriend locally. She had also passed, so she drove him in her car. I didn't have a problem with this. Both lovely, sensible drivers.

This. You need to teach your dd to protect herself. If she won't listen then she isn't mature enough to be dating, before you even get to talking about the car.

There can be a big difference between an irresponsible 17 year old lad driving a car of 4 boys back from a party at 3am. And a young responsible girl driving her friend to costa on a Friday morning at 10am.

I understand your concern as have been in your shoes. But I think you are being OTT about a local drive, presumably in the daylight. You should let her go.

I did put my foot down though when DS16 wanted to go camping & mountaineering in Wales with a mate who had just got his licence. A 10hr road trip with overnight stays was a step too far.

Oh I missed the she doesn’t know him in real life much, I agree with requiring they have lunch at school together or do a few things together in a public place before she goes off alone with him.

Let them be, he's passed what is a difficult test and they're very nearly adults!

My daughter did this before she could drive herself. A male friend used to drive her and another friend to school. As does my son (17) currently whilst he's still learning and a few friends have already passed. It's very worrying when they first start going out in cars but you have to let them grow up.

Be grateful that she's told you. I was riding around in boys cars much younger but never told my parents, just got dropped off around the corner!

I don’t think asking her to introduce you to him has any real value. You won’t be able to tell how good a driver he is from that. I think you need to realise that she’s going to be getting in cars with people with little driving experience soon. If not now then when she starts to drive herself and once she turns 18.

So try to help her be confident enough to value her own safety over being “cool” (or what ever the your call it nowadays) and the tools to get back home if she feels like she needs to tell someone to stop the car and get out.

Depends on the roads I think. I'd be happy through a town, but not on a motorway or windy country lanes where people go really fast.

DS passed his test at 17, he’s had a black box fitted which doesn’t recommend driving at night so he doesn’t, he’s more interested in getting a good score to get his insurance down for the second year. DH and I although insured rarely drive his car now as each journey is scored, red(not good) amber(ok) and green (good), all the red and yellow scores are mostly when DH or I have borrowed the car, DS scores green on most journeys, it measures on acceleration and braking, evidently DH and I need to work on this!

A dear friend of mine minded her own business..a boy her daughter knew had just passed his test and took her out on her 16th birthday. Showing off in his car, they crashed - her child left the world on the same day she entered it with just 16 short years inbetween. He walked away.
Similarly another young man whose vehicle we recovered was showing off in a borrowed vehicle at speed - another young girl never got to go home neither did he.

You were rude.

So fuck if you've 'BEEN' a 16 year old girl. Most of us on here have been. I was wild but it doesn't mean I want my daughter to do the same things and make the same mistakes. Since you've been a 16 year old girl you should know better than anyone what young male drivers can be like because I sure as shit remember.

As her Daughter in still at school and living under her roof i think she does have a say

Hmm. Torn.

I remember at this age in plenty of others cars. But I also knew them well enough to tell them to slow the fuck down and not act like a moron. Which happened on many an occasion.

We said 6 months. It was on the advice of the driving instructor. We lived in the country and knew many 17yr olds who turned over their cars or ended up in a ditch.

This.
And a car is basically a bedroom on wheels.

Sounds like you are good at risk assessing to me. Statistically this is incredibly high risk. Insurance for teenagers is so high for a reason. They are shit drivers (as a group, I'm sure there are individuals who are excellent from the get go), they take stupid risks (especially boys due to testosterone), have no experience and are very easily distracted and influenced by peers.

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6198653/

I would say a new love interest ranks about as high as you can get in the peer distraction stakes. He will be trying to impress her.

He is, presumably two school years above her if she is in yr11 and he has passed his test - it takes about six months at the moment to pass. It would be no from me until she knew him better. She has mainly chatted with him on social media so doesn't really know what he is like both in terms of how he treats girls or driving. If it was someone she knew better or a different situation I would be ok with it. Is she generally fairly savvy or somewhat innocent?