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DD and being in car with 17yr who's just passed test

111 replies

Godsavetheking2022 · 09/10/2022 17:33

My DD is 16 in y11 and is getting friendly on social media with a boy who passed his test a few weeks ago. He goes to the same school so she knows him to message but not that well in real life yet.

He wants to pick her up to go for a drive locally, I suppose to get to know each other. I understand this but as parents, we are nervous about her being in a car with someone who she barely knows and has only just passed his test. We would like her to introduce him first but obviously to a 16 yr old this is way too cringeworthy.
We are at stalemate at the moment but are not sure if we are being unreasonable and overprotective. I've offered to take her to a mutual place to get food but apparently they want to keep it low key to avoid gossip.

What would you do? Allow the drive to a local walk with a 17yr you don't know but goes to the same school? We are worried he won't be road savvy enough.

Yanbu-say no
Yabu - you should let her go

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


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YellowTreeHouse · 09/10/2022 17:58

Gooseberrypies · 09/10/2022 17:35

He passed his test, he’s been checked, confirmed as safe to drive and is allowed to drive with passengers just as much as any other driver. She’s 16, it’s not up to you and you should mind your own business.

This. Don’t suffocate her.


RedWingBoots · 09/10/2022 17:58

They go to the same school but aren't friends then YANBU.

As a first or second date that is an unsafe date in many ways.


PugInTheHouse · 09/10/2022 18:01

I hate this also, my DS is 16 and a lot of his friends are the year above him so most drive. I wouldn't say know as he's old enough to make his own decisions about it but it worries me so much. The only thing that eases my mind a bit is that they all need black boxes these days for insurance so I'm hoping this helps a bit with speeding etc.


Threelittlelambs · 09/10/2022 18:01

I would ask you daughter to message you of at any point she feels unsafe in the car and to speak up of he needs to slow down .

I have two 17 year olds waiting to pass and I feel safe with them in the car! They have had lectures about road safety and being idiots on the road and I have spoke to them about how long and how expensive it is to learn to drive and it’s a privilege that’s easily lost.

They both need a car for work and aren’t likely to be stupid!


LizzieSiddal · 09/10/2022 18:05

No way and I didn’t let my Dds be in a car of a male driver, who’d just passed his test. As far as I’m aware, young boys are statistically more likely to be involved in accidents and my Dds were not going to be a statistic.


Notesfromtheunderground · 09/10/2022 18:05

I don't think this is about the driving so much as going on a date with someone she barely knows, in a situation where she won't be able to get out of if it goes wrong. I would be saying to her that early dates should be in public places.


LizzieSiddal · 09/10/2022 18:06

Plus I will add we live rurally, in a road 4 miles away, 3 teenage girls were killed within 5 years of each other as passengers with 18 year old boy drivers. This effected my views very much.


Roselilly36 · 09/10/2022 18:10

I totally understand how you feel, my DS1 had his friend drive him to college, DS1 passed his test at 17 and often gave his friends lifts. TBH I think he was a better driver than me, to pass a test these days is much more difficult. It won’t stop you worrying I know, OP.


PBSam · 09/10/2022 18:14

Littlemissprosecco · 09/10/2022 17:37

No, we had a rule, no one in your car, or you in someone’s car for a year after passing the test!
Harsh but safe!



DelurkingAJ · 09/10/2022 18:18

I remember my DM pointing out to another Mum (who’d grounded her daughter for doing similar) that nobody had ever asked when DM had passed her test and had all been perfectly happy for DM to drive their DC instantly. She knew the 17 year olds though…her comment to me was that they had been reaction speeds than she did.


Oblomov22 · 09/10/2022 18:21

I don't have a problem with this. When ds1 passed his driving test he was a very safe driver, still is. Depends on the child - both your dd (and how much common sense she has re who her friends are) and him.


elephantseal · 09/10/2022 18:22

Not if he's only just passed his test. Too many teenage boys are far too confident about their defining ability and drive like absolute dicks.

I'd ask her to wait until he has more driving experience. I did the same when dd h passed her test last year - I asked her to only take one sensible friend in the car at a time for a while.



But driving is hard. Even when you pass the test, you have a lot of learning to do. And other people drive like bellends too. The more people you have in the car, the more likely you are to get distracted.

Op, encourage your dd to see this boy if she likes him - but not in a car, for a while.


elephantseal · 09/10/2022 18:22

Gooseberrypies · 09/10/2022 17:35

He passed his test, he’s been checked, confirmed as safe to drive and is allowed to drive with passengers just as much as any other driver. She’s 16, it’s not up to you and you should mind your own business.

It's not up to op??? Hilarious.


Oblomov22 · 09/10/2022 18:23

I think the no one in your car rule for a year is ott. Why sort of driver do you consider someone to be? Irresponsible?


PloddyPop · 09/10/2022 18:23

This reply has been deleted

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2bazookas · 09/10/2022 18:23

Before DS1 was 17, his best friend had just passed his and was ferrying the gang around, showing off. I witnessed a very near miss, driving so criminally reckless I wanted to call his Mum and warn her BF was a danger. DS begged me not to be so embarassing and to my bitter regret I compromised. I didn't call her, and DS promised not to be a passenger in BF's car. That weekend, showing off to onboard schoolmates again (swerving side to side along empty rural road), Bf drove headlong into a tree and died.

When DS and other sons passed their tests we banned any teen passengers for 6 months. No distractions, all attention focussed on driving.


elephantseal · 09/10/2022 18:24

Also, if they go to the same school there are lots of chances for them to see each other and chat at school.

Why do they have to drive then walk? How will your dd get home if he turns out to be pushy or rapey?


notdaddycool · 09/10/2022 18:25

Really hard, maybe she needs to be back in daylight hours is a reasonable compromise?


AllThingsServeTheBeam · 09/10/2022 18:25

outtheshowernow · 09/10/2022 17:46

That's really rude. Have you ever had a 16 year old girl I doubt it

I've been one. If the op says no it's a sure way to ensure your kids just don't tell you everything.

I am raising my kids just as my parents raised me.


RewildingAmbridge · 09/10/2022 18:26

Now DH passed his test at seventeen, he used to pick me up for sixth form, very good driver


elephantseal · 09/10/2022 18:26

I honestly would’ve been so embarrassed if my parents had acted like this or to be honest even known anything about anyone I was ‘speaking’ to

Better embarrassed than dead, @Gooseberrypies.

Sounds like OP's dd is closer to her mum than you were, and can talk to her about things? That's good.


ZeroFuchsGiven · 09/10/2022 18:28

My ds and his girlfriend are both coming up 17, both us as parents and her parents are hoping one of them pass their test asap, so we dont have to drive them,

I am guessing there are no parents of rural young farmers on this thread? My dd has been brought back in all sorts of vehicles drivin by young people before she passed her test Grin


AllThingsServeTheBeam · 09/10/2022 18:28

elephantseal · 09/10/2022 18:22

It's not up to op??? Hilarious.

She's 16 not 6. Of course it isn't up to OP. The DD could just not tell her where she's been or who with


Palmtree9 · 09/10/2022 18:29

The chances are, if you ban her from getting in a car with him, she will anyway but just won't tell you.

Equally, being introduced to him before she gets in his car (which is unreasonable in my opinion if they're just starting to get to know eachother) won't give you any real indication of what he'd be like as a driver.


JoanCandy · 09/10/2022 18:29

Hi OP - she doesn’t know him that well and you don’t know him at all.
I’d be saying no to this until you’ve met him and until your DD has got to know and trust him a bit better.

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