To say no to MIL coming over?

[banana1754]

Received a call from MIL last night at around 8:30pm saying she was on her way to visit. I was instantly pissed off because she had just dropped this on me and I just wanted a relaxing evening.

She arrived a short while after the phone call and woke up my 10 week old baby who had already had her bath and was asleep for the night (she sleeps through until 5am). The baby spent the whole entire time that MIL was here screaming as her sleep had been interrupted and MIL was trying to interact with her when all she wanted to do was sleep. MIL got upset and started saying "does she not remember me?", "I've never seen her like this before". I tried to explain to her that the baby was in bed before she got here and is crying because she's tired. I had to take the baby in the end as she was just inconsolable.

After she finally went home, we were left with a very unsettled, over tired baby who took hours to settle again. MIL sent a text about how "disappointed" she was with the visit and it's just pissed me off even more. Who the hell thinks it's acceptable to come to someone's house at close to 9pm to visit a newborn baby?!

Would IBU to say she cannot come here after a certain time?

That's exactly what be you need to do. Nip it in the bud otherwise it will only continue and / or get worse.

Gosh yes, I’d have been furious. Put your foot down. Tell her to arrange for a better time.

Why did you even say yes? And then when she got there you should have said - baby is asleep now- sorry

Honestly op, you need to not be such a walkover

Dear MIL, yes it was a disappointing visit for all. In furture to avoid this please don't arrive after Xtime.

You got your baby out of bed?

I did that with Ex-MIL. She would always turn up at dinner time which meant DD's eating went completely to pot because she was excited to see her. I fully understood that MIL was fitting it around her schedule but it didn't work for ours. I told her politely not to call round between a certain time, and she didn't (though she wasn't happy about it).

Absolutely say no if baby is asleep

Why on earth did you get the baby out and allow MIL around the baby?! Get some boundaries in place, say no.

Did you get your sleeping baby out of the cot? !!! Or did she walk in and pick her up?
If the former, why did you do that?
If the latter, I would have gone absolutely mad with her, there and then.

Yes, you really need to nip this in the bud and make it very clear to her that she can't just drop in whenever it suits her.

She sounds a bit unhinged tbh if she's seriously expecting a 10 week old baby to remember her from one visit to the next.

I didn't get the baby out of bed, she did. I took DH to one side to tell him to have a word with her but he seems to be of the opinion that she should be able to see the baby when she wants as she doesn't get to see her often due to living around an hour away.

Why did you wake your baby?
Im sorry but you’re an adult and you should have told MIL that baby was asleep and is in a great routine!
Start being an adult, tell MIL to bog off next time she expects you to dusruot everyone’s evening.

You would be well within your rights to say on the phone "Sorry MIL, we're just having a quiet night in and aren't up to hosting anyone tonight" and perhaps offer another time that suits you better. But if you're happy for her to pop over, warn her then and there that your baby will already be in bed, and will not be being disturbed for any reason. Absolutely batshit letting anyone wake up your baby after they've gone down for the evening, I would not be tolerating that.

Silver lining, now you have a shining example of why your boundaries need to be enforced, so any time your MIL pushes back you can remind her of this.

You should have told her not to come around or just kept her on the doorstep.
You need to nip it in the bud now or it will only get worse.

Why on Earth did you let her through the door? This is on your, I’m afraid. Don’t be a doormat.

Wow what a thoroughly thoughtless, inconsiderate and, quite frankly, idiotic woman. I would have been fuming at her. Of course you would not be unreasonable to make it clear to her when it is ok/not ok to come and visit.

What happens to perfectly normal women when their sons become fathers?

Her coming to visit = not an issue
Getting a child who is in bed and asleep for the night up to interact with her = not appropriate in the slightest

I can't believe she lifted your sleeping baby!!

And complained about the visit like you are tripadvisor.

Your 10 week old sleeps through????
<,misses point>

This is your problem right here.

If your DH doesn't see the issue, let him sort the baby next time.

Your dh needs to grow a backbone and put you and your baby first, he should never of allowed his mummy to wake your baby.

@Nothingbuttheglory mine slept through from 7 weeks - formula fed which apparently will do it!

OP, I also have a tricky MIL but she wouldn't dream of doing this. But I also wouldn't let her, or anyone else, wake my baby up when they fancy it.

I would have said, we'd love to see you but could we do X date instead? 8.30 on a Friday night is an odd time to pop in. And even had I been happy for her to do so, she wouldn't have been waking the baby!

I do think you need to be firmer by the sounds of it, there's nothing wrong with being so and still being welcoming to her in your life! Boundaries have to be set.

sorry what-your sh said she should be able to see her whnever she likes

absolutely not-is this your first child

you dont wake up a baby and start saying why isnt she interacting and be disappointed its batshit

DH although sh sounds more appropriate