DD in new Au Pair Job - Working Hours

[ForeignerMN]

My DD (18) has just started an aupair placement in Barcelona (she is a dual EU citizen). She has been working for almost two weeks now. She has a contract for 30 hours. She looks after a 2 1/2 year old boy. Both parents work full time, one WFH. She has to get the little boy up, ready and to nursery in the morning, then pick him up in the afternoon and entertain / feed / bath and put him to bed. There was little communication when DD arrived as to tasks and working hours when she arrived. The host mother (HM) is now making a schedule for the week after DD asked for one. The schedule is specified to 5 minute intervals. DD is finding that all the tasks are taking longer as 1) she isn't the child's mother 2) the child doesn't want DD to do things for him when his parents are in the house, either during the day with the WFH parent or in the evening when both parents are home but DD has to put the child to bed.

On top, the HM is only planning DD for 20-25 hours a week and creating a "hour bank" for the hours DD hasn't worked to be carried over to the next week. She has been there less than two weeks and apparently has -7 hours. Next week she has been given a schedule where she should look after the child in the morning when she's supposed to be in her third day of language class (20hrs a week in total) as there isn't any nursery. On top, she has been told that meeting friends and going out twice a week is "too much" and this au pair position is a "full time job". DD is already ready to walk. To make things worse, the Host Dad is actually an old work colleague and we thought this would be easier than an unknown family. Would I be unreasonable to phone and talk to them and help my DD clear this up? Is HM being unreasonable? Carrying the hours forward isn't right, right? If it goes on like this, she have to work an extra month by Christmas...

I thought an au pair was supposed to be a member of the family kinda deal not a cheap nanny.

That sounds awful OP. I think they're exploiting her

This is one of those where I would like to hear the other side of the story

She should leave pronto and find another au pairing role in Barcelona. Can she come home and then return once a new post is confirmed?
She def shouldn't put up with that total exploitation.

That isn’t an Au pair that’s a nanny. Sadly this happens a lot. She absolutely should be going to language classes, seeing friends etc. The hour bank is just wrong. Au pairs are supposed to be part of the family.
Time to find something else.

That's not an au pair position, it's a nanny job. Did she get it through an agency? There would be fairly clear guidelines around working hours, jobs she's expected to do etc.

That's why I'm wondering if I should call and hear the other side of the story. I've been sent the schedules by DD, but I haven't spoken to the host family

Well they obviously want a nanny, but they’re not going to pay for one.

she will need to leave. It will not improve.

I've been that au pair
Get her out of there
It's called exploitation

They are taking the piss

an au pair is not a nanny, it’s a mothers help

offer your dd a ticket home if she wants one

sadly these parents are not going to change

That’s absolute nonsense. I had an au pair and literally her role was to keep the school aged children alive. Sole charge of a 2 1/2-year-old is not in the spirit of being an au pair for a start.

as others have said she is a cheap nanny.

And I can well imagine what and how it’ll be.

There’s no real ‘other side of the story’ when exploiting a young woman into doing a job she’s not being paid or valued for.

I was an au pair and I often had sole charge of the 2 year old. That's definitely within the remit of an au pair.

No, privately - DD was looking for something to do in her gap year and we asked the host family if they knew anyone who needed an Au-Pair as they have a large network. They came back us saying they were interested and it happened very quickly. DD has a standard EU Au-pair contract stating 30 hrs over five days... nothing more..

One girl came to me after she had been at a different family and literally she got home to find the family cooking a barbecue, they asked her to sit down with her friends obviously to make themselves look good in front of them. And then deducted the three hours she’d been forced to sit and make small talk with their Pals from her salary there’s some real horror stories out there.

Why on Earth don’t they put their own child to bed? They can’t tell your DD she can’t go out in the evenings, and the banking of hours, well no, she’s not on flexi time is she. That’s just silly. As others have said they want a nanny, but only prepared to pay for an au pair who is there to learn the language and work not just look after children 24.7

I’d also be concerned about the age of the child, really in my view an au pair is for older children 4+ not a 2.5 year old.

your dd may be perfectly capable but if something goes wrong this will go fucking tits up with this mother - id not be wanting to risk it

Ideally your dd would ask to speak to the parents herself and explain her points. I'd encourage her to do that, and go through the hours she is actually working (v the "schedule"). Let her try that first, maybe speak to the parents together. And if she was told she wasn't working mornings, they should ask before changing that. Or maybe they said she has to be a bit flexible if it's a one off.

Well I’m very surprised I wouldn’t want some random non-police checked, non-qualified, non-first aid trained person looking after my non-verbal child, how quickly we forget louise Woodwood.

We hired a 20 year old to help out this summer and paid her 1k a month for 5 hours a day with a 2 year old. No nappy changes, no cooking and 1 other adult was always present. It was just playing, essentially.

we had no end to the stroppiness, issues and sick days last minute.

i am just saying sometimes there is another side. Here is sounds like initially a reasonable set up where the daughter had a lot of free time during the day. What were evenings like? It seems to have gone wrong when she wanted more of a plan and was then given too much of a plan.

I thought generally it was more wrap around care. Which I guess it is if he’s at nursery in the mornings. But putting to bed when parents are home seems excessive

Your dd is 18 and abroad, this is the oerfect time to encourage her, not call for her. It's not as common for parents on mainland sort things for their adult children.
She should get in contact with some agency nad move families ASAP. Some families are terrible! Some are great

How much is she getting paid?

I have no idea who Louise Woodward is.

I had a lot of experience babysitting children of all ages (including babies) before becoming an au pair. Would you never hire a babysitter for a young child?

I was an au pair and I often had sole charge of the 2 year old. That's definitely within the remit of an au pair.

jyst because you did it, doesn’t mean it’s in the spirit of an au pair. It’s supposed to be a mothers help, picking up children from school, playing with them and doing homework. Otherwise what’s a nanny’s job?