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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have banged on her car?

117 replies

Lauren1983 · 07/10/2022 20:08

There is a car that I see daily on the school run that parks illegally and selfishly (on double yellows, on a corner, blocking a dropped kerb and half on the pavement. I have considered leaving a note or speaking to the woman who does it but decided they are so selfish and entitled it would make no difference.

Today they had parked the same so I was a bit pissed off with them but just went to get my child from school. On our way home this car came down the road we were waiting to cross and I noticed the woman was holding her mobile phone in one hand and driving with the other.

I saw red and started shouting at her to put down her phone. She just looked straight ahead so I went around the back of her car and banged on the boot twice. I then came around and again shouted at her to put the phone down. She again ignored me and drove off.

Wibu to bang her car? I didn't want to cause any damage (I'm pretty certain I didn't) but I did want to shock her. She had her kids in the car so now thinking I might have gone too far. To be clear she wasn't talking on the phone or texting but just kind of scrolling.

OP posts:
CulturePigeon · 08/10/2022 06:40

People who use their mobiles while in charge of a vehicle are the lowest form of life.

I'm a confident driver, but when I'm on a motorway it's the thing I dread most. There was a terrible case of a lorry driver on his mobile who managed to kill several people some months ago.

I really wish there was some miracle technology that automatically cut out the signal for mobiles when the vehicle was moving.

LakieLady · 08/10/2022 06:48

I really wish there was some miracle technology that automatically cut out the signal for mobiles when the vehicle was moving.

That'd make it difficult to use the satnav on your phone!

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/10/2022 07:08

OneFrenchEgg · 07/10/2022 22:09

I think banging while she was already distracted could have caused her to lose control and you say it's a busy area.
I've sent film to parking enforcement - we had a lot of back and forth and pleasant emails weirdly! They sent officers out randomly for about a month and ticketed everyone parked on yellow lines.
Not, annoyingly, the bloke with a blue badge who just pulled up, waited for kid, and drove off again. I'm assuming it wasn't the kids as we have one for dc and so I use the car park accessible spaces.

I have a BB. It’s very stressful finding parking when you’re collecting a child and can’t walk far… or at all. When dd was in primary, the school let m pick up and collect on their premises until they reconfigured from about year 5.

All he has to do legally is get out of his vehicle and get straight back in again, place legally secured. If he can walk, perhaps he does. I can’t get het up about one, solitary parent using their BB in this way.

RIPQueen · 08/10/2022 07:14

PauliesWalnuts · 07/10/2022 20:30

If I pull up next to a driver who is texting or on the phone at a set of lights when I’m cycling to work I do bang on the side window and tell them to put their phone down. I want to get to work in one piece thanks. Most are pretty shame faced although one bloke denied it when he was actually on the phone, and one woman flicked me the v’s when she had the steering wheel in one hand and her phone to her ear with the other - I still haven’t quite worked out how she managed to do that.

A cyclist did this to me once. I was mortified and angry with the cyclist and after a day of being shame faced I realised I was angry at myself. Have not been on my phone again at the lights (obviously not in the car at other times either). I feel very scared when I see how many people are on their phones and I think of how many near misses must happen from people being on their phones in opposite directions at the same time.

YANBU it’s awful to have this near a school, especially from the parents. Our school road has 20mph speed limit and I often yell like a crazy person at people barrelling down at what must be 30-40mph.

find out her name and report to the head

Palmtree9 · 08/10/2022 07:27

YABU. That will likely have scared her children, and banging her car will not make her park considerately in the future or not hold her phone while driving.

Speak to the school RE parking, speak to the police RE the phone and parking, record it and send it in to the local police. Don't hit her car, don't lose control, don't show your children that it's ok to behave like that.

AndTwoFilmsByFrancoisTruffaut · 08/10/2022 07:38

No, you did nothing wrong. People looking at their phones while driving are as bad as drink drivers. They make me so angry. Selfish bastards.

These fools are always so easy to spot when you drive behind them. They are all over the place. Banging on her car was quite tame compared to what she deserved 🤷🏻‍♀️

MrsLargeEmbodied · 08/10/2022 07:49

report her to the school

dont be a vigilante

SofiaSoFar · 08/10/2022 07:58

If you'd taken a photo or video of her driving while using her phone and reported it to the police via the channels they have for this, they absolutely would act upon it. Not sure why so many people in this thread seem to think not, because it's quite common.

If you don't believe so, have a look at content from someone known as "Cycling Mikey". He sends evidence to the police from his helmet camera and there are loads of prosecutions resulting.

Lunar270 · 08/10/2022 08:03

SofiaSoFar · 08/10/2022 07:58

If you'd taken a photo or video of her driving while using her phone and reported it to the police via the channels they have for this, they absolutely would act upon it. Not sure why so many people in this thread seem to think not, because it's quite common.

If you don't believe so, have a look at content from someone known as "Cycling Mikey". He sends evidence to the police from his helmet camera and there are loads of prosecutions resulting.

This.

If more people did this, it'd stop more people doing it. Many people hate Cycling Mikey but forget that he lost his wife to some dick driving whilst on his phone.

Although, I confess to thinking that the OP had a late night rendezvous on someone else's car, when I read the thread title 🤦

Shiningstarr · 08/10/2022 08:09

YABU

The parking at the school obviously irritates you, but it's not your job to try to police this. How does it affect you exactly? Apart from annoying you, what will happen if you just left it?

As for shouting and banging on her car, totally wrong. Yes, she is in the wrong, but it's not your job to police people. You just made yourself look like a lunatic, those other parents that looked around now think you've got a screw loose.

And what example are you setting for your child here? That it's ok to whack peoples cars if they are doing something wrong?

If you had hit my car, you would have regretted it, let me tell you.

AutumnalCosyness · 08/10/2022 08:15

Our headmaster set up a watch with himself and a couple of the kids in high vis every morning to record and speak to people doing this. He also invited a traffic warden to be there at drop off. It's been very effective.

Maybe speak to the head and the local council Enfircement team op?

Don't try to argue with people like this yourself. You'll get nowhere & end up very wound up x

Angelinflipflops · 08/10/2022 08:18

I completely disagree with the notion thats it's not your job, if something affects me directly I will do something about it there and then- report to the police? Yeah if I had a couple of days spare

Anniefrenchfry · 08/10/2022 08:25

I am stunned at these comments saying this is ok. Shouting at this woman with children in her car, hitting the car. If you were a bloke, and you might be, you’d get your arse handed to you.

you went too far and you sound deranged, it is not ok to go on thr attack like this. Yes she shouldn’t have been looking at her phone, but it doesn’t not justify abuse.

Brefugee · 08/10/2022 08:25

Don't apologies. If you see her or her car in the same spot again, photograph and report to whoever is in charge of such things where you live. Extra so if she's driving and using her phone

Brefugee · 08/10/2022 08:28

LondonQueen · 08/10/2022 00:49

Banging on her car is a little too far when she has a child in the car.

But using a phone while driving with said child in the cat isn't dangerous and cunty?

cansu · 08/10/2022 08:32

Yes you acted like an idiot and were aggressive. If your child saw that they are learning the wrong kind of things from you. Unbelievable.

Anniefrenchfry · 08/10/2022 08:35

Brefugee · 08/10/2022 08:28

But using a phone while driving with said child in the cat isn't dangerous and cunty?

Show quote history

Of course it is, but that doesn’t mean you get to abuse the person and likely scare the children, two wrongs don’t make a right.

OoooohMatron · 08/10/2022 08:35

Raquelos · 07/10/2022 20:20

What a weird thing to get so invested in that you would respond so aggressively. YABU to behave like that and set such a horrible example for your child.

How is the safety of OPs kids and other children at the school a weird thing to get invested in? It's exactly the sort of thing people should be annoyed about.

dinosaurcookie · 08/10/2022 08:36

I really wouldn't beat yourself up about it. Yes it was over the top in hindsight but I think it was an understandable reaction. Perhaps she'll think better in the future, using a phone whilst driving outside a school is outrageous.

BatshitBanshee · 08/10/2022 08:38

You've lost control OP, it doesn't matter what this woman does or doesn't do now, you're the lunatic who was shouting and screaming and banging her car - worse, with both of your kids present. You'd be very, very lucky not to be handed a bill for damage come Monday morning and worse still, instead of actually having a word with her or the school prior to this about the parking you've left the frustration build up to the point that you're lashing out at her car which is nuts. Don't speak to this woman again, don't apologise, don't engage, leave her the fuck alone and if the parking issue crops up again then speak to the school but keep your fists to yourself.

Acorn764 · 08/10/2022 08:42

If you'd stayed cool and filmed her clearly using her phone, you could have sent in to the police and she'd have got 6 points and a fine. Cycling Mikey on YouTube does this all the time.

ILikeHotWaterBottles · 08/10/2022 08:43

Next time you see her driving, keep your phone ready to take a video of her driving while texting. Then give it to the police. Evidence then and stupid bitch will lose her licence hopefully.

Shiningstarr · 08/10/2022 09:25

BatshitBanshee · 08/10/2022 08:38

You've lost control OP, it doesn't matter what this woman does or doesn't do now, you're the lunatic who was shouting and screaming and banging her car - worse, with both of your kids present. You'd be very, very lucky not to be handed a bill for damage come Monday morning and worse still, instead of actually having a word with her or the school prior to this about the parking you've left the frustration build up to the point that you're lashing out at her car which is nuts. Don't speak to this woman again, don't apologise, don't engage, leave her the fuck alone and if the parking issue crops up again then speak to the school but keep your fists to yourself.

^^this

chocolateisavegetable · 08/10/2022 09:29

Report it to the school as a safeguarding issue so that they can pass it on to Childrens Services. If she’s prepared to put her children at risk by driving whilst on the phone, CS may already be aware of the family

ivykaty44 · 08/10/2022 09:32

YABU you had time to film this driver, if you had time to boot her car. Then send it to operation snap and they’ll give out 6 points and £200 fine for footage on mobile phone

at least then the driver can get banned eventually and rds will be safer

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