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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have banged on her car?

117 replies

Lauren1983 · 07/10/2022 20:08

There is a car that I see daily on the school run that parks illegally and selfishly (on double yellows, on a corner, blocking a dropped kerb and half on the pavement. I have considered leaving a note or speaking to the woman who does it but decided they are so selfish and entitled it would make no difference.

Today they had parked the same so I was a bit pissed off with them but just went to get my child from school. On our way home this car came down the road we were waiting to cross and I noticed the woman was holding her mobile phone in one hand and driving with the other.

I saw red and started shouting at her to put down her phone. She just looked straight ahead so I went around the back of her car and banged on the boot twice. I then came around and again shouted at her to put the phone down. She again ignored me and drove off.

Wibu to bang her car? I didn't want to cause any damage (I'm pretty certain I didn't) but I did want to shock her. She had her kids in the car so now thinking I might have gone too far. To be clear she wasn't talking on the phone or texting but just kind of scrolling.

OP posts:
BaggiesBride · 07/10/2022 20:41

Please don't apologise. No need for that. She was still very much in the wrong.

CanofCant · 07/10/2022 20:42

Don't apologise!!! YANBU. Definitely take photos on Monday instead. Even if the police do sod all it might be enough for her to pull her head out of her arse.

I completely understand losing it and hitting her car. I drive on a stretch of road that is notorious for fatal crashes and still wankers drive while using their phones, swerving all over the road, driving too close to other cars and trying to overtake tractors on a busy single lane. It's the impotent rage that gets me, I can't do anything about it and it makes me so angry to think their selfish actions could kill someone and the far reaching effects of grief it will have. Fucking arseholes.

Maray1967 · 07/10/2022 20:42

But try not to bang on her car again!!

Canihaveacoffeepleasexx · 07/10/2022 20:43

You banging on her car is equally distracting when someone is driving. She absolutely should not have been on her phone but it’s not your job to police her

Herejustforthisone · 07/10/2022 20:45

It sounds like you lost control a bit.

Report her, don’t scream at her and hit her property. That will only make you look insane.

Original poster
Lauren1983 · 07/10/2022 20:46

I was actually taking pictures but this car is one of three that does it. Whoever gets there first can park legally and safely the other 2 then park behind it illegally. I was debating sending the pictures to the school but I decided it was pointless as if if stops them it will just mean others will do it.

I've probably noticed 7 or 8 different vehicles parking there including a police officer sitting in his car there once so I decide to just leave it but the phone thing was a different level.

OP posts:
Rainraindontgoaway · 07/10/2022 20:47

Please don’t apologise, she is ignorant. Next time try and film her.

well done you, I would have done the same.

StillWeRise · 07/10/2022 20:49

noooo don't apologise!!!
take photos, report to the police and also to the school
school can request a traffic warden or PCSO to attend at drop off time
is this driver dropping off at school ? If |I was the head I would be sending letters home with warnings that in future offedning drivers would be named and shamed.

Original poster
Lauren1983 · 07/10/2022 20:51

Canihaveacoffeepleasexx · 07/10/2022 20:43

You banging on her car is equally distracting when someone is driving. She absolutely should not have been on her phone but it’s not your job to police her

That is a good point and I didn't want to distract her more. When I hit the car she wasn't moving as she was waiting for a space before manoeuvring. I wouldn't have hit a moving car but I accept that point fully.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lauren1983 · 07/10/2022 20:52

Herejustforthisone · 07/10/2022 20:45

It sounds like you lost control a bit.

Report her, don’t scream at her and hit her property. That will only make you look insane.

I probably did look a bit insane as a few of the other parents did look round!

OP posts:
Solmum1964 · 07/10/2022 20:59

Contact the Council and ask if a Parking Enforcement Officer can attend.

SirChenjins · 07/10/2022 21:01

They’re far more likely to be thinking ‘good for you’. No-one in their right mind wants their children to be in the close vicinity of a driver on their mobile phone.

Original poster
Lauren1983 · 07/10/2022 21:11

SirChenjins · 07/10/2022 21:01

They’re far more likely to be thinking ‘good for you’. No-one in their right mind wants their children to be in the close vicinity of a driver on their mobile phone.

Thank you for your comments. I'm a bit of a people pleaser normally but I saw her acting dangerously and just reacted. My first thought was that other people could have been at real risk. The road is a typical school run road with people pulling out, reversing , kids running about etc all the time. You need to have your wits about you even without holding a phone.

I do still feel bad for hitting the car but I hope I've scared her enough to stop using the phone. I expect her to be parked up in the same place on Monday but as long as I don't see her on the phone I'll leave it.

OP posts:
HotSauceCommittee · 07/10/2022 21:15

Would you have banged on the car if it was a big, hairy man?

xprincessxjanetx · 07/10/2022 21:27

My children have autism and would have been very confused and frightened by a stranger shouting and bashing on our car. My 12 year old (eldest) especially would be quite affected by something like that so IMO you went too far.

Original poster
Lauren1983 · 07/10/2022 21:29

I probably wouldn't have hit the car if it had been a man but I definitely would still have shouted. I think a man would have reacted to the shouting though. If she had put her phone down or reacted to me in some way I wouldn't have hit the car even if she had reacted to me negatively.

OP posts:
SirChenjins · 07/10/2022 21:32

xprincessxjanetx · 07/10/2022 21:27

My children have autism and would have been very confused and frightened by a stranger shouting and bashing on our car. My 12 year old (eldest) especially would be quite affected by something like that so IMO you went too far.

Presumably you would have your children’s best interests at heart and wouldn’t drive like an a-hole repeatedly or with a mobile phone glued to your ear.

Original poster
Lauren1983 · 07/10/2022 21:35

xprincessxjanetx · 07/10/2022 21:27

My children have autism and would have been very confused and frightened by a stranger shouting and bashing on our car. My 12 year old (eldest) especially would be quite affected by something like that so IMO you went too far.

I didn't mean to frighten her children (no idea if they were frightened or not) but she was driving them about on a busy road with one hand on the steering wheel and one on her phone. Maybe this was a one off or she could be doing this constantly. I think it's more damaging to be doing that then what I did.

OP posts:
AlwaysLatte · 07/10/2022 21:35

She was wrong but I don't think banging on her car is very smart. Report her to the school, ours had an issue very similar years ago and the headteacher stood there for a few mornings moving them on.

Summerfun54321 · 07/10/2022 21:37

I would report to the school. The last thing they want is a child knocked down by a parent driving whilst on their phone. We all got a strongly worded email from my DC’s school saying that mobiles shouldn’t be used whilst driving and anyone seeing doing this will be reported to the police so I expect someone reported another parent in that instance. Banging was OTT but could easily be defended by saying she was putting nearby children in immediate danger by her actions and needed to be stopped.

Swizandswap · 07/10/2022 21:40

You need to film her in the act, there are plenty of links online for every policy ce force to upload dashcam and video footage of people driving carelessly or illegally and they will act on it. I have uploaded dashcam and rear dash cam footage numerous times especially people tailgating dangerously and being aggressive.

Original poster
Lauren1983 · 07/10/2022 21:40

The trouble is the headteacher did do patrols for a while, there are constant pleas for considerate parking and we even have psco's fairly regularly but people just change their ways for that day and then go back to normal as soon as it stops.

As I said I've given up about the parking, my issue was over the phone use but I mentioned the parking as I already annoyed with her over this and reacted in a way that I might not if she didn't park illegally all the time. In my mind I had deduced that she was selfish and dangerous and that the phone use wasn't a one off due to this.

OP posts:
BirmaBrite · 07/10/2022 21:43

Maybe she missed the news about the updated penalties regarding mobile device use whilst driving ? 6 points and a fine, only needs to get done for speeding a couple of times and she might be doing the school run by foot, which sounds safer for everyone Wink

LimboLass · 07/10/2022 21:46

You were wrong to bang on her car.

keying it might have made the prat take notice.

CaptainThe95thRifles · 07/10/2022 21:46

Better a frightened kid than a car crash - there's absolutely no excuse for driving while on your phone, especially in a busy school pick up area. I can't imagine many things more stupid.

There's no excuse for the twatty parking either - but she's obviously an entitled arse so 🙄