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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Collecting wife from the pub

98 replies

Bloom1406 · 07/10/2022 20:05

Am I being reasonable to think it’s shitty of my wife to expect me to collect her at the very least after 8.30pm from the pub 30minutes away when we’ve a 4 month old baby I’ve looked after all day? I was originally told she’d be ready to leave around ‘tea time’ and we’d get food. Safe to say I haven’t been near a pub in years due to ivf journey and pregnancy and to be fair neither has she.

I also have two barking dogs to contend with and I’ll be livid if she’s hungover tomorrow as that means a day in bed for her.

made up the spare bed just in case I throw a wobbly 🙈

OP posts:
JulesCobb · 07/10/2022 20:09

Yeah that’s not reasonable. My dh wouldn't have an issue picking me up 30 mins away. But not with a four month old. An hour in the car with a four month old in the back to pick someone up from the pub is definitely unreasonable.

Whatacarryonthisis · 07/10/2022 20:10

Is this a reverse?

If not I’m sure she can get a taxi

PriOn1 · 07/10/2022 20:11

8.30 doesn’t seem that unreasonable, if that’s when she’s likely to come.

Will she really be hungover if she comes home so early?

Does she have form, or is this a one off?

And will you get a chance to go out another night?

This sounds more like frustration that you’re at home with the baby and she s going out, but if it’s a one off and she’s coming home quite early, it doesn’t seem that unreasonable to me.

Hope you get a good night’s sleep and have a pleasant weekend.

jewishmum · 07/10/2022 20:11

@JulesCobb agree, it's the fact that the baby has to sit in the carseat all that time. Terrible of the mother.

DismantledKing · 07/10/2022 20:11

Smells like a reverse to me

mondaytosunday · 07/10/2022 20:11

Why doesn't she get a taxi? Seems the sensible solution.

2pinkginsplease · 07/10/2022 20:13

8.30pm isn’t that late. Dh and I have both gone out with babies and toddlers in the car to pick each other up at times.

is this a regular thing or a one off, for me that would make all the difference.

Aretheyhavingalaugh · 07/10/2022 20:16

I wouldn't be taking my 4 month old out to collect my DH, it's not really on in my opinion. I'd expect them to make thier own way home, taxi or whatever.

Rockandgrohl · 07/10/2022 20:17

Wouldn't bother me, I'd go out in the car to pick OH up at 8 30. After midnight id make them get a taxi as id be ready for bed myself.

Shinyandnew1 · 07/10/2022 20:18

The pub till 8.30 wouldn’t bother me in the slightest, though if they’d promised to be home to eat together, that’s rather crap.

PriOn1 · 07/10/2022 20:21

Unless it’s an unusual baby, surely an hour in the car will just be an hour spent sleeping? Thinking taking a baby for an hour’s drive is a significant problem seems very pfb to me! We used to take ours out just to get them to sleep sometimes!

luxxlisbon · 07/10/2022 20:23

Asking for a lift at 8:30 is hardly ridiculous, it’s not unreasonable to ask that of a partner. If you’re tired/ had a bad day/ just can’t be fucked then just tell them to get a taxi thought.
She’s hardly going to be hungover by leaving the pub at 8:30! Sounds like you are just looking for a reason to be annoyed.

Sexnotgender · 07/10/2022 20:23

Why can’t she get a taxi/bus/train?

I wouldn’t be happy having to take a 4 month old at that time.

Is this a one off?

And no she doesn’t get a day in bed if she’s hungover. Fuck that.

GloriousGlory · 07/10/2022 20:24

Not an issue an hour in the car for baby, but if I didn't fancy it, I'd say get a cab.

Why are the dogs barking?

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 07/10/2022 20:24

What an odd thread. You say she hasn't been out in years and yet you begrudge her a lift home at a reasonable hour this one time after you've been with your four month old all day? And who looks after the baby the rest of the time while you're at work ?

PriOn1 · 07/10/2022 20:25

Just reread your OP and realised she was meant to be coming back in time to eat (I misread and assumed going out then) so I guess she could be hungover if she’s been out a while.

Still not that late, if she’s having a rare night out and wants to stay a bit longer. You should be able to get your turn sometime though.

Darbs76 · 07/10/2022 20:27

If it’s a one off, i wouldn’t get too annoyed over it. Tell her to get a taxi if it’s inconvenient with the baby

Sciurus83 · 07/10/2022 20:30

OK for a one off I reckon, especially the context of years of not going out (congratulations on the baby!)

Kinneddar · 07/10/2022 20:30

This is going to be a reverse of sorts isn't it. I'd put money on the OP being the wife & it's the husband in the pub

electricdreaming · 07/10/2022 20:31

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 07/10/2022 20:24

What an odd thread. You say she hasn't been out in years and yet you begrudge her a lift home at a reasonable hour this one time after you've been with your four month old all day? And who looks after the baby the rest of the time while you're at work ?

I read this as OP was also a woman and had gone through the pregnancy and IVF - sorry if I’ve got that wrong! I don’t think 8:30 is late and unreasonable to want a lift home but I think it depends on what you class as “tea time” and will depend when you get home whether that’s unreasonable. It’s very frustrating though when you’ve got plans with someone, even for something as simple as eating together, and they flake. I think you’re probably more annoyed though that she’s having a nice night out when you haven’t had one for so long and are bitter about that regardless of the lift and not being home for tea.

Soontobe60 · 07/10/2022 20:31

Rockandgrohl · 07/10/2022 20:17

Wouldn't bother me, I'd go out in the car to pick OH up at 8 30. After midnight id make them get a taxi as id be ready for bed myself.

With a 4 month old baby? Meaning the baby would be in their car seat for an hour?

Amortentia · 07/10/2022 20:31

I think it's the OP who hasn't been out in years and had the baby.

luxxlisbon · 07/10/2022 20:32

Kinneddar · 07/10/2022 20:30

This is going to be a reverse of sorts isn't it. I'd put money on the OP being the wife & it's the husband in the pub

I assumed OP was also a woman due to the IVF and pregnancy comment.

Devon01 · 07/10/2022 20:33

Sounds like you've already decided to throw a 'wobbly', OP. If you're upset at your wife's behaviour, phone and tell her instead of going along with it while secretly fuming. Would you have been prepared to go pick her up, baby in tow, at 6pm or 7pm? I really don't see the difference if you do throw a wobbly and make her sleep in spare room,I hope she has a long memory for all the nights out you will presumably have in the future. You sound extremely controlling and I'd hate to be the one dreading coming home to your tantrum

SignOnTheWindow · 07/10/2022 20:33

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 07/10/2022 20:24

What an odd thread. You say she hasn't been out in years and yet you begrudge her a lift home at a reasonable hour this one time after you've been with your four month old all day? And who looks after the baby the rest of the time while you're at work ?

But OP hasn't been out in years either, because of having ivf and being pregnant.
Why do you assume that OP is the one at work?