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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Collecting wife from the pub

98 replies

Bloom1406 · 07/10/2022 20:05

Am I being reasonable to think it’s shitty of my wife to expect me to collect her at the very least after 8.30pm from the pub 30minutes away when we’ve a 4 month old baby I’ve looked after all day? I was originally told she’d be ready to leave around ‘tea time’ and we’d get food. Safe to say I haven’t been near a pub in years due to ivf journey and pregnancy and to be fair neither has she.

I also have two barking dogs to contend with and I’ll be livid if she’s hungover tomorrow as that means a day in bed for her.

made up the spare bed just in case I throw a wobbly 🙈

OP posts:

dailyfup · 07/10/2022 21:46

YANBU OP
She needs to get a taxi home or the bus.
You shouldn't be having to drag a four-month old baby out for an hour at that time to pick her up.

I don't think the occasional night out is a problem as long as both parents get to have their turn. But they need to make arrangements for coming home that don't involve the other one having to drive out with the baby to pick them up. And they also need to make sure they are fit enough to do their share of the childcare the following day.

MeridianB · 07/10/2022 21:47

GloriousGlory · 07/10/2022 21:42

Read the OP it's not regular!

Show quote history

Sorry missed it - there were two mentions of how bad her hangovers always are so I was distracted by those.

Anyway, leave her to get a cab home. An hour in the car for the baby and you, half of which with super-drunk other mummy would be no fun.

MichelleScarn · 07/10/2022 21:50

Taxi home, I absolutely hate having to do a drunken pick up, would hate it even more with responsibility of a teeny baby in the car!

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 07/10/2022 21:52

If she's so pissed she;s hungover and useless tomorrow I'd be sending your dogs in......

MeowMeowPowerRangers · 07/10/2022 21:55

I would jus text "baby in bed now, need to get a taxi home. Don't forget it's Saturday tomorrow so we'll do something as a family tomorrow instead of you hanging."

serin · 07/10/2022 21:57

You both need to get out more.
Get a babysitter and go out for a romantic meal, you dont have to give up everything.

TheSausageKingofChicago · 07/10/2022 22:04

Isn’t this some of the give and take in relationships? It’s a bit of a fuck up, but not a monumental one - and understandable given the stress you’ve both been under.

Getting swept along time in the first chance to let her hair down in years - it’s understandable, and forgivable IMO.

If it turns into a regular piss take, then it’s another story, but if it was me I’d laugh at her, cut her a bit of slack and bank the credit for a return favour.
It’s not worth a huge Barney.

WonderingWanda · 07/10/2022 22:04

If it's her first night out in ages you re probably a bit unreasonable to be annoyed that she's stayed out a bit later than expected although if she has been out all day then that seems to be pushing it a bit. The lift giving would depend on what sort of routine your baby is in. At 4 months mine didn't sleep more than 3 hrs because I was breastfeeding so it wouldn't have been a massive issue for me from that perspective but actually my son hated the car seat so that would have been stressful. If you don't fancy doing it why not just text her and tell her to get a taxi as baby has just settled.

Coucous · 07/10/2022 22:10

If it's safer then fine, as long as it's a one off

jeaux90 · 07/10/2022 22:10

I would have told her to get a taxi.
Let her sleep it off.
Then leave for the day Sunday and take some time for yourself.

NumberTheory · 07/10/2022 22:15

It’s not unreasonable to request a pick up at 8:30, though as a request not a demand. And an hour in the car for a 4 mth old from time to time isn’t something to be concerned about. And it’s really important, as new parents, to carve some social life out for yourselves. Of course with a 4 mth old as a SAHM and presumably doing nights(?) you might not be safe for that type of drive which is one of the reasons it needs to be a request.

This also assumes there is some reciprocation in terms of you having childfree social time too.

What is really unreasonable is asking for a pick up at tea time, shifting it unilaterally to 8:30 and not even being ready then. I would be minded to text her that you are done for the night and she will need to make her own way home or stay at a friends and that if she isn’t fit to do anything tomorrow you will expect her to pull her weight by doing [whatever is reasonable].

If this is a one off, forget about it for now and on Sunday or Monday when you’re both sober and in a reasonable frame of mind, sit down for a talk about how unfair it felt and what you’d like to see in the future.

If this isn’t a one off then have that talk but start looking in earnest at how you get back to work and make contingency plans so you are in a place to leave.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 07/10/2022 22:17

If you don't want to take the baby out that's fine, she can get a taxi

I wouldn't be bothered if it was a one off . I'd just do the same some other time

Dee00 · 07/10/2022 22:18

It really wouldn’t bother me at all. You have just had a baby, let her go out and enjoy herself. Go pick her up and chat to her about her night out. You will need a break and night out soon too, she will do the same for you.

Amortentia · 07/10/2022 22:27

I think it’s fine if you go out and get pissed every now and then. But, if you were under the impression you’d be picking your partner up much earlier and they are now pushing that time later, it becomes a problem and you are justified in being pissed off. I wouldn’t be putting a colicky baby in a car seat for an hour, what a nightmare.

Herejustforthisone · 07/10/2022 22:29

My husband did something like this when our baby was two months. He got so pissed he lost all his belongings and I got an SOS call from his friend and had to go pick them up.
I nearly laid him out when he tried to get the baby out of the car seat while absolutely blotto, and drove him straight to his parents and dumped him on the drive. I only picked him up to make sure he got somewhere.
His mum dropped him back the following morning at 6am, which woke me and the baby. And he then proceeded to throw up all morning. I wished he’d just stayed at his parents’.
Anyway, he felt so remorseful he never did it again. It didn’t even require an argument.

WiddlinDiddlin · 07/10/2022 22:35

Depends on how the request is made really...

A 'I am going out in the afternoon, can you pick me up at 8.30pm' and then being ready to be collected at that time at the expected location - fine.

'I am going to be out in the afternoon, can you pick me up at 5... '
'No Im not ready, pick me up at 6...'
'No, staying out a bit longer, 7...'
'No so and so just arrived, 8.30...'

Thats fucking annoying and massively inconsiderate, if it also means said person has almost certainly drunk so much they'll be incapable of anything all day the next day, thats fair grounds to be pissed off with them I reckon.

jewishmum · 07/10/2022 23:36

But what do you do in a pub for 9 hours?

LondonQueen · 07/10/2022 23:39

I'd go out and ask DH to pick me up later than that but not if I had a 4 month old! Can't she get a taxi home?

ToGanymedeAndTitan · 07/10/2022 23:39

jewishmum · 07/10/2022 23:36

But what do you do in a pub for 9 hours?

Drink and get pissed with mates, or maybe a bit of karaoke too 🎤 ?! 😁

LondonQueen · 08/10/2022 00:07

jewishmum · 07/10/2022 23:36

But what do you do in a pub for 9 hours?

Have you ever been to a pub?

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 08/10/2022 00:17

Last time I was at a pub it was for about 7 hours, it was going really well then until l decided to sing poison on karaoke. then there was an after party 🤢🤮 I don't have a new baby though

CrustyFlake · 08/10/2022 00:32

I think it's completely fine for her to be at the pub at 8.30pm on a weekend, it's hardly an all nighter. Unless she does this all the time?

However, expecting a lift from you when you've got the baby with you is very unreasonable - especially if she keeps changing the time to make it later and later. I'd just text her now and say that you and the baby are both going to bed and she'll need to get a taxi home.

Herejustforthisone · 08/10/2022 15:04

What time did she make it back @Bloom1406 ?

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