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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Colleagues and bosses daily texts on maternity leave

103 replies

Rxr2915 · 07/10/2022 12:38

aibu? I am on maternity leave and overdue and throughout my whole time leading up to my boss has been utterly horrible to me and as I wfh a load of rumours I made the pregnancy up. Which is clearly untrue and she also made some very unpleasant comments about hoping for a miscarriage (I am the main earner so had to stay there for financial security)

I am now being asked every single day by my boss and 2 colleagues whether the baby has come or not. Obviously my boss has my mat b1 form so I don’t see why she is asking me every day what the due date is and if I’ve had her yet?

Aibu to feel a bit attacked and annoyed about being asked this daily

OP posts:

WildOats5678 · 07/10/2022 12:39

I’d be going straight to HR about comments like that, why have you not reported your boss?

NoSquirrels · 07/10/2022 12:39

Bloody hell.

Where is your HR in all this?

Testina · 07/10/2022 12:40

I can’t understand why you’re even asking!

CeeceeBloomingdale · 07/10/2022 12:41

I’d text and say you will let them know when baby is here and then ignore every subsequent message.

Thatiswild · 07/10/2022 12:41

That all sounds horrendous, block their numbers and enjoy your maternity leave. They’ll know the baby has come when you choose to tell them.

if you don’t want to be worrying about, you could write one last message saying I don’t want to be thinking about work while I’m on leave so I’m going to be switching my phone off, I’ll let you all know when the baby arrives.

Puppers · 07/10/2022 12:42

If you can afford to engage a solicitor I would take their advice and send her a letter via them. She is harassing you.

SleepingStandingUp · 07/10/2022 12:42

my boss has been utterly horrible to me and as I wfh a load of rumours I made the pregnancy up..... some very unpleasant comments about hoping for a miscarriage so have you reported these??

I am now being asked every single day by my boss and 2 colleagues whether the baby has come or not just delete and ignore. You can possibly tel l your phone its spam and it'll just put it all in the spam folder

OnTheRunWithMannyMontana · 07/10/2022 12:42

Block the numbers until you are sue to return to work. They have no right to ask those questions!

Hymnulop · 07/10/2022 12:43

Seriously?! Have you got proof of what your weird psycho boss has said?!please report her! If you're feeling brave block all their numbers and contact them when you're ready to - and only if you have to.

Darbs76 · 07/10/2022 12:43

Block their numbers and get straight on to HR to report this

ISeeTheLight · 07/10/2022 12:43

Please contact Pregnant Then Screwed they give free advice. That is completely unacceptable.

b8tes7sw · 07/10/2022 12:43

Flipping heck HR immediately and if they don't help go to ACAS or citizens advice. Get all your evidence ready and secured. Not ideal timing with an overdue baby, sorry to read this.

Neighneigh · 07/10/2022 12:43

Maybe speak to Maternity Action for some advice - that kind of fuckwittery needs shutting down before they ruin the next few months for you

DenholmElliot1 · 07/10/2022 12:44

and she also made some very unpleasant comments about hoping for a miscarriage

Jesus! Have you got those comments in writing?

Like a PP said though, tell them you'll let them know when the baby is here and then ignore their messages.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 07/10/2022 12:44

HR dept now.

JaninaDuszejko · 07/10/2022 12:45

What they are doing is harassment and is illegal. Speak to HR and if you don't have an HR dept then a solicitor is a good idea although think about the impact when you return to work. I'd start looking for another job once the baby is here.

TwoMonthsOff · 07/10/2022 12:47

@Rxr2915
thats horrendous about the rumours. I am sorry that these nasty people are bullying you in what is meant to be a happy time in your life.
Agree report to your HR if you have one and get a new SIM from your provider they will be happy to that if you tell them you are being harassed. I know changing numbers is a pain but I think in the circumstances it is necessary I hope you can forget all about them soon and enjoy your ML

lanthanum · 07/10/2022 12:48

Point out that you are on maternity leave, and they should not be contacting you. There is the odd exception - for instance, if there is a promotion opportunity that comes up during your leave, then you should be informed, so that you are not discriminated against by not knowing about it.
If it's a big enough place to have an HR department, then ask for all communication to come through HR, and block the other numbers. If not, block the numbers and ask that any important information is sent to you by email/post.

readingismycardio · 07/10/2022 12:49

Just reply and tell her that she'll be the first to know (yeah right), then contact HR straight away.

cultkid · 07/10/2022 12:51

I'm guessing there is no HR/ your boss is HR? I would keep a record of everything, see if you can get anyone at work to text you the rumours so you have it in writing.

Then tell them you've been admitted to hospital for an induction and there is no signal on the ward. Block all colleagues numbers and give your boss your husbands number to contact you if there are any emergencies (this is a good way to stop them contacting you as it makes it awkward for them)

Mute your email noise so you don't hear it, or take it off your phone entirely for the first few months at least so you don't start reading emails and getting dragged into 'just' doing a few bits here and there.

I can relate to this, when I was pregnant with my first baby the lady who was brought in to cover my mat leave was a complete pest she would repeatedly call me because she was totally incapable and I had been admitted to hospital as I had sepsis and a urine bag. I was literally dying I was so sick, one morning I remember I was so anxious and she called me 7 times without leaving a message or texting me which she was able to do, finally she text me and said call me it's an emergency so I rang her in a panic when I should have been able to focus on my health and she literally insisted that I had left her the wrong charger for her laptop and was extremely angry with me. Anyway it turned out she was just totally thick and didn't know how to insert the charger. She was a nightmare at work always trying to chat to me and comparing things with me. I really got so stressed by her, it was awful. It was also only me and her and my boss in the office and it was open plan. I was very good at my job and very close to my boss and I had every intention of returning to the job. She was hoping I would be too sick (I was) to come back and she was very competitive. I didn't need to work at the time and our circumstances were very different. She was 55 and I was 23 at the time. She had the bad manners a huge no from me, to actually request to be my friend on Facebook, because I didn't want to be seen as unfriendly or rude by my boss I accepted her friendship request and she BOMBARDED me with messages.

In the end I did all of the suggestions I've made to you and it worked for me. It's not as simple as ignoring people with office politics or blocking numbers or complaining to HR but forcing her to contact my husband if it was an emergency means she soon stopped ringing me to ask where we bought our highlighters from or how to add up invoices. She was too ashamed (thank god) to text my husband to ask this.

It destroyed me at the time the relationship I had to maintain with her , I really feel for you

choolaboola · 07/10/2022 12:55

Can you give some context around the "are you really pregnant" rumours and the miscarriage comments? What actually happened?

MATB1 is clearly enough to prove but I am intrigued as to how the above came about? You have possible grounds for a case but depends on how it is proven etc

Wherewassteve · 07/10/2022 12:58

That's outrageous op, I hope you are okay, as if you need that. You need to report them for this. It's completely unprofessional.

Wherewassteve · 07/10/2022 12:59

@cultkid Sheesh I think we may have worked with the same woman!!!

C152 · 07/10/2022 13:01

Raise a grievance about her behaviour (the rumours and unforgivable remark about hoping for a miscarriage). If you can't afford to do that now (because, let's face it, it does put even more of a target on your back), document absolutely everything. Write every single conversation down, verbatim, with dates and times. Keep all emails etc. In the meantime, I would just send a simple message back along the lines of, "Thanks for your interest in the baby. I'll let the you know when the baby arrives but need to focus on getting everything ready and won't have time to reply to any more messages. Let's talk [insert date] about scheduling some keeping in touch days. Thanks.'

Novum · 07/10/2022 13:02

Why do people assume every employer has an HR department?

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