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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Colleagues and bosses daily texts on maternity leave

103 replies

Rxr2915 · 07/10/2022 12:38

aibu? I am on maternity leave and overdue and throughout my whole time leading up to my boss has been utterly horrible to me and as I wfh a load of rumours I made the pregnancy up. Which is clearly untrue and she also made some very unpleasant comments about hoping for a miscarriage (I am the main earner so had to stay there for financial security)

I am now being asked every single day by my boss and 2 colleagues whether the baby has come or not. Obviously my boss has my mat b1 form so I don’t see why she is asking me every day what the due date is and if I’ve had her yet?

Aibu to feel a bit attacked and annoyed about being asked this daily

OP posts:
cultkid · 07/10/2022 13:03

Wherewassteve · 07/10/2022 12:59

@cultkid Sheesh I think we may have worked with the same woman!!!

Haha! She was vague about why she left her previous job. I would never have chosen her as a good fit to cover me. Incidentally she left not very long after she started but she was so inappropriate. One time she said to me

"Yea my hubby always tells me to get in the kitchen bitch and make a sandwich" and she thought it was hilarious

Just not a work type conversation for me. ....Also I would not make a sandwich for my husband if he called me a bitch!

She also had really bad breath and I used to offer her gum and she declined every single time whilst asking if she could sit at my desk next to my face so she could learn how to do my job. She was mad.
Typed with one finger too!

Raidcandle · 07/10/2022 13:03

Is this the same company where management and HR said someone can only have 8 weeks maternity.

KangFang · 07/10/2022 13:05

Is this for real?

FrodisCapering · 07/10/2022 13:06

I echo what others have said. HR and Union if you're in one. This is totally unacceptable. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.

whattodo22222 · 07/10/2022 13:11

I would block their numbers and talk to HR once you're back at work. You don't need any stress while waiting for baby to arrive. Good luck x

maddiemookins16mum · 07/10/2022 13:19

Novum · 07/10/2022 13:02

Why do people assume every employer has an HR department?

Because it’s MN, the same with ‘speak to your Union’, like everyone has one!!!

TwoWrightFeet · 07/10/2022 13:20

Do you respond when they ask?

problembottom · 07/10/2022 13:25

Outrageous behaviour from them. I'd contact Pregnant Then Screwed for advice on how to deal with this. They were really helpful to me.

WimbyAce · 07/10/2022 13:30

Just don't respond, you are on maternity leave you don't need to be speaking to them at this point.

Original poster
Rxr2915 · 07/10/2022 13:31

WildOats5678 · 07/10/2022 12:39

I’d be going straight to HR about comments like that, why have you not reported your boss?

The boss is HR it’s a micro company and she’s totally toxic! So that’s why!

OP posts:
Original poster
Rxr2915 · 07/10/2022 13:32

TwoWrightFeet · 07/10/2022 13:20

Do you respond when they ask?

I did to my first colleague but then it became a daily thing and I thought this isn’t interest or kindness this feels like a game which is sad

OP posts:
BatshitBanshee · 07/10/2022 13:32

Just block them. All of them.

Original poster
Rxr2915 · 07/10/2022 13:32

problembottom · 07/10/2022 13:25

Outrageous behaviour from them. I'd contact Pregnant Then Screwed for advice on how to deal with this. They were really helpful to me.

They’re amazing! They have helped so much through all this!

OP posts:
GloriousGlory · 07/10/2022 13:33

I'd be telling them nothing, just confirm your return to work date.

Etinoxaurus · 07/10/2022 13:33

maddiemookins16mum · 07/10/2022 13:19

Because it’s MN, the same with ‘speak to your Union’, like everyone has one!!!

Show quote history

The Union comment is useful. It’s not as if union membership is unusual or randomly allocated. With very few exceptions everyone can and should join a Union.

Original poster
Rxr2915 · 07/10/2022 13:34

WildOats5678 · 07/10/2022 12:39

I’d be going straight to HR about comments like that, why have you not reported your boss?

She is the boss who is also doing this!

OP posts:
Toottooot · 07/10/2022 13:35

Are you only getting 8 weeks maternity leave too?

Original poster
Rxr2915 · 07/10/2022 13:35

KangFang · 07/10/2022 13:05

Is this for real?

Yep!

OP posts:
Original poster
Rxr2915 · 07/10/2022 13:36

WildOats5678 · 07/10/2022 12:39

I’d be going straight to HR about comments like that, why have you not reported your boss?

Cause the boss is one of them doing it every day 0830- any news have you had the baby???

OP posts:
MRSE20 · 07/10/2022 13:38

Your boss made comments about you about a miscarriage? As someone who miscarried in April and is now pregnant again I’d probably leave or get someone involved if these comments were made by my boss. I’m so sorry your workplace sounds so toxic. I know it’s easier said then done but do you seriously want to keep working there? They are obviously either assuming you’re not pregnant or having a bet on when you’re in labour and even if they aren’t they shouldn’t be contacting you daily asking if baby is there. It’s annoying enough when a woman’s family does it let alone toxic colleagues or boss

Original poster
Rxr2915 · 07/10/2022 13:40

DenholmElliot1 · 07/10/2022 12:44

and she also made some very unpleasant comments about hoping for a miscarriage

Jesus! Have you got those comments in writing?

Like a PP said though, tell them you'll let them know when the baby is here and then ignore their messages.

No I don’t but after she said that to me I told her I was recording all future conversations on a dictaphone I was then sent an email that I was not to contact or talk to my boss about pregnancy ever again and directed to another colleague to speak to about anything maternity related. I’m not going back after all this honestly horrible people but I have bills unfortunately!

OP posts:
MrsMoastyToasty · 07/10/2022 13:40

I would get advice from ACAS.

Pollydon · 07/10/2022 13:43

You have my sympathy. Mine contacted me when I was signed off sick, not maternity, and that was bad enough.
I'd block he fuckers for now, they absolutely do NOT need to be contacting you.

Original poster
Rxr2915 · 07/10/2022 13:44

MRSE20 · 07/10/2022 13:38

Your boss made comments about you about a miscarriage? As someone who miscarried in April and is now pregnant again I’d probably leave or get someone involved if these comments were made by my boss. I’m so sorry your workplace sounds so toxic. I know it’s easier said then done but do you seriously want to keep working there? They are obviously either assuming you’re not pregnant or having a bet on when you’re in labour and even if they aren’t they shouldn’t be contacting you daily asking if baby is there. It’s annoying enough when a woman’s family does it let alone toxic colleagues or boss

I’m really sorry to hear about your miscarriage, and congratulations on this pregnancy!

it was absolutely disgusting how she put it- she is basically pissed pff that my last partner was a woman and now I’m with a man- therefore she hired me thinking an lgbt person wouldn’t ever take maternity?? Rather than merit?? Wtf?? Anyway no I’m not going to stay there they have been utterly horrible to me but I had to for the MAT pay which thankfully I’ve pretty much had but honestly the daily “have you had the baby yet” feels like 1 of 2 things:

we’ve all got a bet on if this is real
or
pressuring about due date which is horrible enough I feel totally housebound with it cause everyone bloody asks you “have you had it yet” -obviously not- when’s it due- 4 days ago I know what a crap human I am is how it makes me feel!

OP posts:
Original poster
Rxr2915 · 07/10/2022 13:45

Etinoxaurus · 07/10/2022 13:33

The Union comment is useful. It’s not as if union membership is unusual or randomly allocated. With very few exceptions everyone can and should join a Union.

Show quote history

I’m in the private sector in a micro company- unions generally won’t touch me unfortunately I looked into this before joining them- maybe I should have taken the hint!

OP posts:
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