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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Colleagues and bosses daily texts on maternity leave

103 replies

Rxr2915 · 07/10/2022 12:38

aibu? I am on maternity leave and overdue and throughout my whole time leading up to my boss has been utterly horrible to me and as I wfh a load of rumours I made the pregnancy up. Which is clearly untrue and she also made some very unpleasant comments about hoping for a miscarriage (I am the main earner so had to stay there for financial security)

I am now being asked every single day by my boss and 2 colleagues whether the baby has come or not. Obviously my boss has my mat b1 form so I don’t see why she is asking me every day what the due date is and if I’ve had her yet?

Aibu to feel a bit attacked and annoyed about being asked this daily

OP posts:
LovinglifeAF · 07/10/2022 16:19

YANBU in the slightest but why the hell have you let them off the hook for this abuse and discriminatory behaviour all this time?

FlutterbButterfly · 07/10/2022 16:23

Novum · 07/10/2022 13:02

Why do people assume every employer has an HR department?

This!! Very short sighted outside their own set ups. Even though there should be a procedure there is more often than not nowhere to take things like this without putting a target on your back.

ohthehorrorthehorror · 07/10/2022 17:27

@Aggypanthus Some people really are that vile. I had an ex boss who joked that he hoped I was suicidal when I was off sick with severe depression because "that would solve the problem of oh the horror". So I can well believe that someone would make a dig about miscarriage. Some people are just evil.

LookItsMeAgain · 07/10/2022 17:41

You've had loads of suggestions so far on what to do and as you're on maternity leave you have no obligation to your employer except to let them know when you're due to return to work (as far as I remember).
So, what I would do is put the phone handset that they contact you on silent and put it in a drawer. Once a week (and only if you want to), make sure it's charged up and check on any emails/texts/voicemails.
Only respond to a text/voicemail if you want to.
For your friends/family etc. I would buy a cheap mobile with a new number and do all of your stuff on that handset going forward.

The reason I'd suggest doing this is because if you do decide to change employers/jobs after the birth, I'm picturing the scene where they get someone to replace you and they can't do the job and they would be on the phone to you every other minute. Not good. By doing this, you would then be able to turn off the handset/number that they can get you on and never have to deal with their annoying behaviour again.

Best of luck with it all!

fyn · 07/10/2022 17:43

I had a horrible boss who told me that she’d only hired me because my references said I didn’t have any family plans and that I was a liar etc… I used ACAS for mediation and settled with them for three months full pay compensation in addition to my maternity leave because it was Covid and I didn’t want to wait for a tribunal date. You only have a certain time scale from the comments being made to do it though.

Cordeliathecat · 07/10/2022 18:00

Absolutely do not block their numbers! Just mute them. You may need their messages to prove harassment at a later date.

Skodacool · 07/10/2022 18:02

lanthanum · 07/10/2022 12:48

Point out that you are on maternity leave, and they should not be contacting you. There is the odd exception - for instance, if there is a promotion opportunity that comes up during your leave, then you should be informed, so that you are not discriminated against by not knowing about it.
If it's a big enough place to have an HR department, then ask for all communication to come through HR, and block the other numbers. If not, block the numbers and ask that any important information is sent to you by email/post.

This

Skodacool · 07/10/2022 18:09

Dogtooth · 07/10/2022 13:52

In your shoes I'd be polite, say 'I'll tell you when I've had it' then not look at further messages from them. Tell them when baby born. Enjoy mat leave. Line up another job so you don't have to go back. If you do go back, be polite and get another job asap.

I think they're breaking the law (and probably could be sued for constructive dismissal or harassment) but in practical terms your best option is to keep it sweet and find someone better to work for.

I’m thinking constructive dismissal too

Original poster
Rxr2915 · 07/10/2022 20:41

LovinglifeAF · 07/10/2022 16:19

YANBU in the slightest but why the hell have you let them off the hook for this abuse and discriminatory behaviour all this time?

I haven’t I’ve been very clear I’m recording etc going forward- I am the main earner so I couldn’t just throw my toys out the pram and then hope to sue either cause I would have lost my house it’s been a very annoying road which pregnant and screwed have been amazingly helpful with

OP posts:
Dave20 · 07/10/2022 21:33

Is there really no where else you could work? Reading your above comment.

Dave20 · 07/10/2022 21:42

Alternatively , you can stay and fight the harassment. You can actually go to tribunal for harassment, according to the gov website. This can also include constructive dismissal, as far as I’m aware.
Your boss in my opinion broke the law. Harassment, discrimination and bullying. She said she hoped you had a miscarriage? What the fuck?

I get your pregnant and that’s a priory, but I’d join a trade union on Monday and speak to an advisor. The Unite union and GMB are big unions and take on most people. My union is independent and quite small, but are very good and have a legal team.

OP- I would speak to a union and ask about an employment tribunal. This could result in getting your boss sacked for misconduct, secondly get a payout from your company, and thirdly return to work in a much better environment.

Original poster
Rxr2915 · 07/10/2022 22:08

Dave20 · 07/10/2022 21:33

Is there really no where else you could work? Reading your above comment.

Not before the maternity and then be entitled to maternity pay- which is state no had I of left I would have lost my entitlement it’s been a tight rope

OP posts:
TheHoover · 08/10/2022 09:05

OP I am pleased to hear you are getting good advice from Pregnant then Screwed and acting on it.

Bumblefuzz · 08/10/2022 22:34

Absolutely no, this is awful. Is there someone more senior to raise a grievance to? (Directors/owner/Shareholders etc.) If there is, do it. This is bullying and harassment (potentially constructive dismissal if you have enough service) and direct sex discrimination.

Depending upon what happens with the grievance, you may need to contact ACAS and raise an early conciliation.

Good luck!

Katia2511 · 08/10/2022 22:57

Just send them this link!

haveyouhadthatbabyyet.com/

Canthave2manycats · 09/10/2022 00:01

Do you have legal cover with your house insurance? They might pay for you to take a case against this foul woman?

Let them keep texting but just ignore them - it's all evidence!

CactusBlossom · 09/10/2022 01:40

They are being objectionable and you need to report to HR and your union (if you are a member).

Askinforabaskin · 09/10/2022 13:11

Completely unacceptable.

my works policy is to agree how often you will be contacted during your mat leave, with the general guidance at least once a month and once a week being too much, although this may ramp up towards the end.

I would go straight to HR and say this causing you undue stress. If they don’t do anything about within a day or two I’d block their numbers and consider a solicitor.

also if you have any evidence of the bad treatment of you in the run up to this I would suggest keeping that saved, photographed etc on a non work device.

Clarinet1 · 09/10/2022 13:47

maddiemookins16mum · 07/10/2022 13:19

Because it’s MN, the same with ‘speak to your Union’, like everyone has one!!!

Show quote history

Come on, may be every company doesn’t have HR ((I’ve worked for some that didn’t) and not everyone is in a union, but they are fair suggestions for help in this case.

Dave20 · 09/10/2022 23:14

The OP would be best to join a union , even if it’s until this case is resolved.
It’s well worth the 10-15 quid a month.
I don’t understand why anyone wouldn’t be in a union, especially with the Tories in power taking away our workers rights.

Original poster
Rxr2915 · 10/10/2022 14:51

Dave20 · 09/10/2022 23:14

The OP would be best to join a union , even if it’s until this case is resolved.
It’s well worth the 10-15 quid a month.
I don’t understand why anyone wouldn’t be in a union, especially with the Tories in power taking away our workers rights.

I approached unison and a number of others but they all said they were not applicable etc so if anyone has a suggestion of unions that do take small private sector company employees that would be great as I have failed to find any in the usual places.

also and update STILL getting daily texts

OP posts:
Original poster
Rxr2915 · 10/10/2022 14:52

Katia2511 · 08/10/2022 22:57

Just send them this link!

haveyouhadthatbabyyet.com/

Love that!

OP posts:
Original poster
Rxr2915 · 10/10/2022 14:53

Bumblefuzz · 08/10/2022 22:34

Absolutely no, this is awful. Is there someone more senior to raise a grievance to? (Directors/owner/Shareholders etc.) If there is, do it. This is bullying and harassment (potentially constructive dismissal if you have enough service) and direct sex discrimination.

Depending upon what happens with the grievance, you may need to contact ACAS and raise an early conciliation.

Good luck!

No the issue is the boss is all of the suggested people to raise a grievance too it’s a very small company

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 10/10/2022 16:35

Does the company have a grievance policy?

greyinganddecaying · 10/10/2022 19:07

I'd be raging OP. Can you put them on mute/ignore and just not respond? You don't owe them anything.

Depending on your area of work, have you tried prospect union?