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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend gave DS a cold sore

104 replies

LoathlyLady · 06/10/2022 21:30

She gets them all the time and knows how contagious they are and that they never leave your system once you’re infected. I saw her last weekend and she had a bad open sore on her lip. I turned around for a moment and when I looked back she had her water bottle out and was letting him drink from it. I didn’t hear him ask for water, I think she just offered it for no reason. I know it will have been sheer absent mindedness and didn’t say anything at the time, but now he has a cold sore and I feel inexplicably livid.

I guess I’m worrying that he’ll have to live with recurrent cold sores, also I’m pregnant and know how dangerous the virus is for newborns, hate the thought of not being able to let DS kiss his new sibling. And I’m just angry that she didn’t think about what she was doing. I know a cold sore is not the end of the world so I don’t know where this anger is coming from!! Maybe IAB hormonal

OP posts:
Boujisboo · 06/10/2022 21:34

I’d be fuming too!

Eileen101 · 06/10/2022 21:36

You are not being unreasonable, I'd be so angry.

Original poster
LoathlyLady · 06/10/2022 21:36

Thank you @Boujisboo

OP posts:
Original poster
LoathlyLady · 06/10/2022 21:37

.. and @Eileen101

OP posts:
JonSnowedUnder · 06/10/2022 21:37

I'm laid back about a lot of things but I would be really upset about this.

Mamai90 · 06/10/2022 21:37

I'd be bloody raging! The herpes virus is with you for life. I bet she wouldn't have been so absent minded if it was her own DC. No excuse!

Hillcrest2022 · 06/10/2022 21:38

That's disgraceful. She should know the risks. Did your DS get a coldsore from it (I see in the title yes but it wasn't mentioned in your post). If he did I would be absolutely raging with her and would have to raise it with her.

Sunnyqueen · 06/10/2022 21:39

That's really stupid of her.

gonutkin · 06/10/2022 21:39

I would also be annoyed about this. I feel like if my child suffered with cold sores I would make it abundantly clear that when they had one they are not to share drinks etc to stop this exact thing from happening

Arnaquer · 06/10/2022 21:40

As a cold sore sufferer myself I am cross on your behalf.
That's a stupid thing to do. I've been so careful not to infect my children over the years as it's a nuisance of a virus.
Sadly son 1 gets then now as an adult and I feel guilty for it.
Fingers crossed your son will be ok

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 06/10/2022 21:40

Yanbu and I would be enraged.
My MIL had a cold sore and we just went on holiday with her. She drank from a water bottle and then my husband did

I would be so mad if he gets one since he will likely pass to me or the children.
I'm also worried about the kids cause I don't know if they drank from her stuff and she was trying to get my son to play with her lip salve.
I honestly think she wants us to catch it.

EmmaC78 · 06/10/2022 21:40

Hillcrest2022 · 06/10/2022 21:38

That's disgraceful. She should know the risks. Did your DS get a coldsore from it (I see in the title yes but it wasn't mentioned in your post). If he did I would be absolutely raging with her and would have to raise it with her.

OP says in her post her son now has one.

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 06/10/2022 21:41

Why would anyone offer someone else's child a drink from their water bottle in any situation? That's a bit strange isn't it?

Joshanddonna · 06/10/2022 21:41

Sorry but that's horrible. She is stupid and inconsiderate. What kind of person does that.
Awful.

Cosycover · 06/10/2022 21:42

I'd say something.

Get some bonjela on that coldsore ASAP. Just normal bonjela.

Newusernameaug · 06/10/2022 21:42

I didn’t realise until yesterday that cold sores can kill babies, I saw the article about the father who killed himself after he kissed his 3 week old son and gave him the virus which killed the baby.

So YANBU - I’d even send her the link and ask her to be more mindful in the future.

www.msn.com/en-gb/health/other/dad-whose-cold-sore-kiss-led-to-death-of-baby-son-launched-brutal-attack-on-ex-partner/ar-AA12FoGo

ParentallyUnprepared · 06/10/2022 21:44

patient.info/news-and-features/surprising-facts-about-cold-sores-everyone-should-know

This is an interesting read.

Whatthejackdawsaw · 06/10/2022 21:46

I get coldsores having picked up the virus as a child from someone careless and I am so very careful around anyone else adult or child as I would never want to be responsible for putting this horrid virus into someone else's body, im so aware of it when I have it due to the pain/irritation during the healing process that I am not sure how someone could forget. I would be livid if I was in your shoes and I would have to say something.

User65412 · 06/10/2022 21:47

As a lifetime coldsore sufferer I would be furious. It's an awful virus. The pain I have during an outbreak is unbearable, every nerve in my body hurts.
Your friend should be so careful when she has an outbreak. I don't think absent-mindedness is an excuse in this instance!
I hope your son isn't too affected by this one. I find the compeed patches amazing and also prevent spreading if he's old enough.

Shiningstarr · 06/10/2022 21:47

That's absolutely idiotic of your 'friend' to do that. Did you say anything to her? Does she know she has infected your DS now? Was that her intention????

She needs to realise exactly what she's done and the impact that will now have on your ad a family, with you being pregnant.

How utterly stupid and selfish. I would seriously be considering whether she is a friend anymore.

DenholmElliot1 · 06/10/2022 21:49

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 06/10/2022 21:41

Why would anyone offer someone else's child a drink from their water bottle in any situation? That's a bit strange isn't it?

Yes, it is really strange.

Almost as though she WANTED him to catch the virus.

Original poster
LoathlyLady · 06/10/2022 21:52

Thank you everyone I feel less crazy but also more worried.. I hope he doesn’t suffer with this too badly.

@ParentallyUnprepared thank you for that link, this was a relief:
“If you had a cold sore at 2 years old, you'd be infectious for two or three days, then your immune system would deal with it and you might never get a recurrence, so you'd forget about it and grow up thinking you'd never had one and didn't have the virus."

@Whatthejackdawsaw She’s also hyper aware when she has one, wears extra lipstick to cover it up and constantly touches it. All the more infuriating that she then gave him her water bottle for no reason

OP posts:
Henddraig · 06/10/2022 21:53

Try to get a iv light treatment. I can’t remember the name of the one I have but it’s from Boot, and Sali Hughes recommended it. I first used it about 10 years ago and I’ve not had a cold sore since - which is amazing as I used to get two or three a year.

it is annoying, but, hopefully not something that will make a big impact on your son.

Henddraig · 06/10/2022 21:53

UV not iv. Very different!

DahliasLove · 06/10/2022 21:54

My MIL gave DD the virus. When MIL had a cold sore we told her to under no circumstances share anything with her or kiss her. She had an ‘I know best attitude’ and clearly did not listen.

She’s dead now and I still get livid every time DD has an attack, as it completely wipes her out for a few days including a fever so YANBU.