Friend gave DS a cold sore

[LoathlyLady]

She gets them all the time and knows how contagious they are and that they never leave your system once you’re infected. I saw her last weekend and she had a bad open sore on her lip. I turned around for a moment and when I looked back she had her water bottle out and was letting him drink from it. I didn’t hear him ask for water, I think she just offered it for no reason. I know it will have been sheer absent mindedness and didn’t say anything at the time, but now he has a cold sore and I feel inexplicably livid.

I guess I’m worrying that he’ll have to live with recurrent cold sores, also I’m pregnant and know how dangerous the virus is for newborns, hate the thought of not being able to let DS kiss his new sibling. And I’m just angry that she didn’t think about what she was doing. I know a cold sore is not the end of the world so I don’t know where this anger is coming from!! Maybe IAB hormonal

I would be raging.
Im So sorry for you and DC.
I suffer with them too and I won’t go near my kids for a week or two in terms of kissing /sharing after it had cleared up just to make sure. Your friend is selfish and careless.

Thanks to everyone making recommendations for treatment I’ll look into those.

@Lostoldusername Thats a good point. Most of the articles say to avoid sharing drinks when there’s an active blister, but the healthline article also says transmission from sharing a drink is next to zero so perhaps it is a coincidence. The thing is I don’t see how else he could have caught it, maybe I’ll ask if any kids at nursery have a sore. Would actually be quite a relief if it was essentially unavoidable, the anger comes from feeling like it was completely in her control.

To people saying I should confront her, I really don’t know how I can do that. Not prepared to lose one of my closest friends over this so I feel like i just have to let the anger pass and be more vigilant in future

I second aciclovir tablets. I suffered awfully for my entire childhood / teens and early 20s. Every time I was in the sun/run down/ on my period etc. id get them every few weeks. They wouldn’t just be my lip either. Always spread to my chin etc.
I’m now 32 and In the past 10 years I have maybe had 1 or 2. Every time I feel one coming I start the course of tablets and it suppresses it.
i don’t think children could but any adults following. Ask your GP.

How on Earth is a friendship more important than the health of your children? I suggest you rethink your priorities. If your newborn became seriously ill because your friend did the same, would that still be worth it?

I could never prioritise a friend over my children. Maybe I’m being too harsh, but I would die for my children and sacrifice anything necessary, no questions asked.

This happened to me except my sister gave my infant child one... murderous rage. But it's been 10 years and my kids has only had a cold sore maybe once or twice since

Unless you’ve had a test, you can’t know you don’t have it. Many people have the virus but have never had a coldsore so all those saying they’ve never passed it to their husband/kids may have.

OP, it’s so common and the virus is shed from people that have the virus even without an active coldsore, that he could have picked it up elsewhere.

Your friend should be much more careful though although as I say, she will shed low levels when she doesn’t have a coldsore so if she’s around your kids, there’s always a chance she’ll pass it on.

Get aciclovir cream. Its a game changer, heals them twice and quick plus stops me feeling like death.

I get them in my nose, nowhere else and they make me feel like death unless I use the cream. The coldsore patches are good to stop kids picking at them

OP You aren't' prepeared to lose a close friend over this'...
She knowingly gave your young DS a virus that he may now have for tge rest of his life- As many other PP have stated they have had it the same way your son got it.

I'd be furious and telling my 'friend' what an utter selfish & nasty twat she is and then I wouldnt speak to her again!

I'd be furious, too. Most of my family get cold sores and I somehow managed to avoid it until I was an adult, and am lucky that I get them extremely rarely. I'm OBSESSIVE when I have one about not sharing anything, not touching my face, and not kissing my children or allowing them to touch my face. I'd be so gutted if I passed it onto them. Even if my lips just feel a bit funny/dry/sore, I follow these rules and usually no cold sore comes, but I'd rather be cautious.

Try not to worry, though. I read the article someone linked above and it said it's very rare to pass the virus on through sharing cups etc.

It's obviously never a person's fault for HAVING a cold sore in the first place, but they should take responsibility for minimizing contact with others when they have one.

Who shares a drink with a non related child? Coldsore or not I'd be furious.

My friends and our kids have all shared drinks over the years. We’re close, we treat each other’s kids like our own. A couple get coldsores, we wouldn’t share drinks with the person with an active coldsore or cold but other than that none of us worry. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I would be fucking furious

This is awful. I would have no hesitation in ending this friendship after somebody being so unnecessarily reckless with not child's health!

Especially with your pregnancy and the new baby, you will have a completely unavoidable worry on your hands in keeping DS away. The consequences are so great I don't think it is an over reaction to cut this woman out of your life.

I feel exactly the same and think less of anybody who doesn't.

Sorry but if you have a cold sore you KNOW what you should /shouldn't do. My husband has had them for yrs, rarely gets them but in over 25yrs of marriage I've never caught it from him , cos you know what to do.
Totally understand how you're feeling. X

It’s absolutely insane that your friend thought thy was okay

*that

Have the people saying they haven't caught it from their partner had a test done to confirm this, because otherwise you can’t know. You can carry the virus but never have a coldsore and you wouldn’t know unless you’re tested. The chances are, you have caught the virus and are just one of the people that don’t have symptoms.

I’d be raging too. What an idiotic thing to do.

As an aside, to any herpes (face or down below) sufferers, check out monolaurin. It’s a supplement made from the monolauric acid from coconuts, and it’s an amazing antiviral. I used to get recurrent attacks but haven’t had a single one since I started taking it a few years ago (also keeps other viruses at bay too). 1300mg per day is recommended. Not much help to a small child but worth a shot if you’re an adult/older child sufferer.

I wouldn’t worry too much about ‘losing’ this friendship. Sounds like she deliberately exposed your child to the herpes virus (God only knows why 🤨) … I would definitely let her know this is not OK, she would have been well aware of her blister.

Also please don’t trust her around your newborn!

This is one friendship I think would be wise to put some distance between the two of you. And your not being unreasonable. I would be really angry about this. I’m actually angry on your son’s behalf even though I don’t know you, it’s just awful that your so called ‘friend’ would expose your child (or any child) to a life long painful virus that’s going to be with him his entire life.

Also if she is stupid enough to not know how cold sores spread and this is an accident (which I doubt!) you should let her know the result of her actions so she doesn’t do this to anyone else’s child.

Definitely say something to her though… She needs to know this isn’t OK 🤬

OP doesn’t seem to think it was deliberate. Obviously if it was, then that’s a really fucked up snd very disturbing and there would be no way she’d be any where near my family.

I wouldn't have known you could pass the virus through a bottle. Maybe your MIL did not either.
Most people get this virus. 70% of the population have it.

Even though 70% of people have the virus, only 30% get cold sores.

If no one in your family has them, I’d assume it was your friend. She is an idiot. Not just for sharing the water, but also for wearing lipstick. Smearing over active sores spreads the infection and of course, I bet she doesn’t chuck the lipstick out after each application. (NEVER USE TESTERS AT THE SHOPS, btw.)