Page 4 | Friend gave DS a cold sore

LoathlyLady · 2022-10-06T20:30:25+00:00

She gets them all the time and knows how contagious they are and that they never leave your system once you’re infected. I saw her last weekend and she had a bad open sore on her lip. I turned around for a moment and when I looked back she had her water bottle out and was letting him drink from it. I didn’t hear him ask for water, I think she just offered it for no reason. I know it will have been sheer absent mindedness and didn’t say anything at the time, but now he has a cold sore and I feel inexplicably livid. I guess I’m worrying that he’ll have to live with recurrent cold sores, also I’m pregnant and know how dangerous the virus is for newborns, hate the thought of not being able to let DS kiss his new sibling. And I’m just angry that she didn’t think about what she was doing. I know a cold sore is not the end of the world so I don’t know where this anger is coming from!! Maybe IAB hormonal

antelopevalley · 07/10/2022 01:08

LoathlyLady · 06/10/2022 22:54

Thanks to everyone making recommendations for treatment I’ll look into those.

@Lostoldusername Thats a good point. Most of the articles say to avoid sharing drinks when there’s an active blister, but the healthline article also says transmission from sharing a drink is next to zero so perhaps it is a coincidence. The thing is I don’t see how else he could have caught it, maybe I’ll ask if any kids at nursery have a sore. Would actually be quite a relief if it was essentially unavoidable, the anger comes from feeling like it was completely in her control.

To people saying I should confront her, I really don’t know how I can do that. Not prepared to lose one of my closest friends over this so I feel like i just have to let the anger pass and be more vigilant in future

If a kid at nursery has one this is a much more likely route for transmission.

CherrySmiler · 07/10/2022 01:09

I haven’t had cold sores in well over 30 years. While I had them as a child and early adolescent years, they stopped. Obviously I still have the virus but it seems to be dormant. Catching it doesn’t necessarily mean you will suffer from them forever.

99redballoonsgobyy · 07/10/2022 01:17

I'd be fuming too. my mum used to suffer terribly with them especially during the summer months. I used to be so paranoid that she'd pass them on to my dc, I used to feel awful for nagging her to not kiss dc and to make sure she washed cups properly. mum had to undergo chemo a few years ago now and has never suffered from them since. maybe the chemo has killed the virus in her system?.

ChelseaRobertsofMalibu · 07/10/2022 01:21

I nearly lost my baby thanks to the Herpes virus. My late husband passed it on to me (sorry if TMI but stupidly gave me oral sex whilst he had a sore and I stupidly didn't think it through!!) which led to a Primary Outbreak which stopped my bladder working and covered me in the most horrendous painful sores. I was 7 months pregnant in ICU on a catheter. They told me that 99% of the population carry the virus and that it may or may not activate unless you have contact with someone with an existing outbreak. However almost everyone carries the dormant virus.
Anyway thankfully after 2 weeks of Aciclovir and being bed bound in hospital on the catheter I finally recovered but if I'd been 9 months pregnant and given birth during it, my child would almost certainly have passed away :(

ChelseaRobertsofMalibu · 07/10/2022 01:21

Funnily enough though, I haven't had any further outbreaks since, not even mildly, and that was in 2014

Chloefairydust · 07/10/2022 01:33

ChelseaRobertsofMalibu · 07/10/2022 01:21

I nearly lost my baby thanks to the Herpes virus. My late husband passed it on to me (sorry if TMI but stupidly gave me oral sex whilst he had a sore and I stupidly didn't think it through!!) which led to a Primary Outbreak which stopped my bladder working and covered me in the most horrendous painful sores. I was 7 months pregnant in ICU on a catheter. They told me that 99% of the population carry the virus and that it may or may not activate unless you have contact with someone with an existing outbreak. However almost everyone carries the dormant virus.
Anyway thankfully after 2 weeks of Aciclovir and being bed bound in hospital on the catheter I finally recovered but if I'd been 9 months pregnant and given birth during it, my child would almost certainly have passed away :(

That must have been really scary, glad you and baby were OK…

I think people forget how serious the herpes virus can be for babies… And even if it’s not life threatening it’s still not a pleasant virus to have, breaking out into painful sores periodically.

I thought everyone pretty much knew that cold sores spread through direct contact, so anyone with an open sore shouldn’t kiss, share drinking bottles or lip sticks etc… is this not common sense?? 🤷🏼‍♀️

BlodynGwyn · 07/10/2022 02:09

My horrible CF brother in law has cold sores. He uses a lot of lip balm when he has one active. He was visiting here a few years ago and when my (adult) son went to take a drink from a water container he smelled his uncle's lip balm all over the spout. Why are these people so fucking selfish?

HoppingPavlova · 07/10/2022 02:25

My mum and one of my siblings was always riddled with cold sores. Mum honestly just thought it was inevitable as her mum and siblings had them. So, there was no ‘deliberately infecting’ just absolutely no precautions as she believed it was a given. Obviously she was not as savvy as the wise women of Mumsnet in 2022.

Anyway, with kissing us with open sores, sharing drinks, food, eating utensils (very sharey sort of family 😁), touching sores and not washing hands, I never got one and neither did my other sibling. No doubt we have the virus but several decades on in ‘early’ old age we still haven’t so not holding my breath we’re going to get one anytime soon. Neither myself or sibling seem to have given anyone we dated cold sores either.

My mum lived nowhere near so came once a year for a visit and so to me her relationship with the kids was more important than a fallout over asking her to be careful about her cold sores, which trust me would not have ended well. I’m not talking about as young babies before anyone gets in a flap as I know. So she was never careful with them, same stuff as in my childhood with kissing, sharing, lack of hygiene and so forth. Despite her slobbering all over them, none of them have ever had one, yet all kids of my sibling who has them constantly like mum did all have them. I’m gathering there is a strong genetic component where some of us likely have the virus but a sore will never come out nor will it be spread to anyone else.

YouWereGr8InLittleMenstruators · 07/10/2022 02:26

I had a big fall out with a former friend who very nearly gave DD herpes as a baby, despite my frequent warnings not to kiss or feed either od my DC when friend had an outbreak. A bit like your friend, mine would randomly share food with my DC when visiting -mostly 'safe' shares like a biscuit from a packet, but often as not as bite from her banana or a spoonful of her yoghurt. I even stopped her once from trying to feed DD grapes which she'd halved by biting them in half. On the fateful occasion in question, it was a kiss. My friend had a flare-up and still went in for a kiss in the mouth area. I whisked DD out from under her and was so upset. I did worry she'd feel bad but it just felt so unnecessary and careless.

Musti · 07/10/2022 02:38

Yanbu. I have it and am always so careful when I have one. Don’t kiss anyone, immediately put used glasses in the dishwasher etc and none of my 4 kids have ever had one.

Plus I wouldn’t offer my bottle of drink to a child that wasn’t mine unless they were absolutely desperate and had nothing else. People are so much more careful now since covid too - really weird behaviour. I’d call her up on it so she doesn’t do it again.

Chloefairydust · 07/10/2022 02:40

BlodynGwyn · 07/10/2022 02:09

My horrible CF brother in law has cold sores. He uses a lot of lip balm when he has one active. He was visiting here a few years ago and when my (adult) son went to take a drink from a water container he smelled his uncle's lip balm all over the spout. Why are these people so fucking selfish?

I just don’t understand people like this … Why would anyone do this??

I wonder if it’s the mentality of they are suffering so they want everyone else to suffer too 🤨

Blueink · 07/10/2022 02:50

Oh no, she should have been more careful around your DS and giving him her water bottle when she could have just got him a cup of water, makes her seem a bit unhinged. Her behaviour of constantly touching it, makes her more contagious too. I would be speaking to her about it and reconsidering the friendship as she’s thoughtless at best. You don’t need this stress when you’re pregnant. Hope he feels better soon.

LetMeSpeak · 07/10/2022 02:50

Ewww yuck Cole sure or not they shouldn’t be exchanging germs like that especially post covid

Realityloom · 07/10/2022 02:58

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 06/10/2022 21:41

Why would anyone offer someone else's child a drink from their water bottle in any situation? That's a bit strange isn't it?

My thoughts too. This is the issue

Chloefairydust · 07/10/2022 03:05

Blueink · 07/10/2022 02:50

Oh no, she should have been more careful around your DS and giving him her water bottle when she could have just got him a cup of water, makes her seem a bit unhinged. Her behaviour of constantly touching it, makes her more contagious too. I would be speaking to her about it and reconsidering the friendship as she’s thoughtless at best. You don’t need this stress when you’re pregnant. Hope he feels better soon.

This

I wouldn’t trust her around your newborn when you have your baby 😕…

I also think you need to tell her that her actions resulted in your little boy catching her cold sore…

She needs to know to be more careful in future, even if it is accidental (which I doubt tbh).

miraveile · 07/10/2022 03:14

Talk about over reaction here especially from people who claim to suffer.
Your son could have had this virus dormant in his system already as most people do. There is no way to know she gave it to him. I get them too and no one in my house has caught them off me in the many years we have been a family

TheOnlyBeeInYourBonnet · 07/10/2022 03:26

There has to be some middle ground between trashing your friendship over it, and not saying anything at all.

You could let her know that DS has a cold sore today and while this obviously very unpleasant for him, if she were to share water (or any other mouth contact) with the soon-to-be baby it could be fatal, so she needs to be more thoughtful around your kids in future.

Any normal person would be mortified and apologetic. If she kicks off, she's an arsehole who you don't need as a friend.

allboysherebutme · 07/10/2022 03:36

I'd be livid, I'm fuming for you, as you said he might be prone to them now.
I'd be angry beyond words. X

Chloefairydust · 07/10/2022 04:27

miraveile · 07/10/2022 03:14

Talk about over reaction here especially from people who claim to suffer.
Your son could have had this virus dormant in his system already as most people do. There is no way to know she gave it to him. I get them too and no one in my house has caught them off me in the many years we have been a family

It’s this kind of relaxed attitude that causes babies to die from the herpes virus…

If your infected with the virus, you need to take extra precautions in not spreading it when you have an outbreak… No direct mouth contact etc

Like it’s not that hard just don’t kiss, share utensils or drinking bottles when you have a sore.

Normal precautions I would have thought… Just like how I don’t knowingly cough and sneeze on people when I have a cold🤨… that isn’t an over reaction at all.

autienotnaughty · 07/10/2022 05:32

I know what you mean I have two friends who get offended when I don't let them try my drink or share a water bottle. They are very blasé and I'm made to feel like I'm being over the top, it's frustrating . I would be furious about this to a point of potentially falling out with the person.

Chloefairydust · 07/10/2022 05:41

autienotnaughty · 07/10/2022 05:32

I know what you mean I have two friends who get offended when I don't let them try my drink or share a water bottle. They are very blasé and I'm made to feel like I'm being over the top, it's frustrating . I would be furious about this to a point of potentially falling out with the person.

I bet they would be the first to complain though if you had flu and were coughing all over them without covering your mouth🙄

I just see it as basic consideration for other peoples health…

Mumtobabyhavoc · 07/10/2022 05:45

Get DC to doctor urgently. Could cause complications, but it is possible that an intervention of antiviral meds, ie acyclovir could lessen recurrences. Must act quickly though.

Newuser82 · 07/10/2022 05:53

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 06/10/2022 21:41

Why would anyone offer someone else's child a drink from their water bottle in any situation? That's a bit strange isn't it?

We have several family members who persistently offer my toddler a drink from their water bottle. It drives me crazy. It's so unhygienic.

Lunabun · 07/10/2022 06:57

I'd be fuming OP! YANBU.

I worry about cold sores too.

If it might make you feel any better, I grew up in a very relaxed household in terms of sharing cups, food, towels (just hand towels lol) despite my dad having very frequent cold sores. So I find it very hard to imagine that I didn't come into contact with the virus quite quickly. No idea if I may have had cold sores when I was very young, but I certainly can never remember having one. I imagine I had one, and have then just never had a recurrence. Hopefully the same happens for your son x

Hhgt · 07/10/2022 07:12

They do say it can only be passed through direct skin contact. Did she kiss him too maybe? I always hope that it’s true that only direct contact spreads it.