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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend gave DS a cold sore

104 replies

LoathlyLady · 06/10/2022 21:30

She gets them all the time and knows how contagious they are and that they never leave your system once you’re infected. I saw her last weekend and she had a bad open sore on her lip. I turned around for a moment and when I looked back she had her water bottle out and was letting him drink from it. I didn’t hear him ask for water, I think she just offered it for no reason. I know it will have been sheer absent mindedness and didn’t say anything at the time, but now he has a cold sore and I feel inexplicably livid.

I guess I’m worrying that he’ll have to live with recurrent cold sores, also I’m pregnant and know how dangerous the virus is for newborns, hate the thought of not being able to let DS kiss his new sibling. And I’m just angry that she didn’t think about what she was doing. I know a cold sore is not the end of the world so I don’t know where this anger is coming from!! Maybe IAB hormonal

OP posts:
mummabubs · 06/10/2022 21:55

Yabnu
I share your pain as my 11 month old daughter caught the virus after a member of staff at her nursery came into work with a very obvious cold sore outbreak. I tried to remain calm but was pretty devastated at the time, I'm still cross about it now nearly a year later. :(

Arnaquer · 06/10/2022 21:58

mummabubs · 06/10/2022 21:55

Yabnu
I share your pain as my 11 month old daughter caught the virus after a member of staff at her nursery came into work with a very obvious cold sore outbreak. I tried to remain calm but was pretty devastated at the time, I'm still cross about it now nearly a year later. :(

That's awful. I'd be cross too.

LovinglifeAF · 06/10/2022 21:58

It was a bit bloody thoughtless, I get cold sores and I’m really anal when I have them of making sure I don’t pass them on.

that said they are really common and as long as he doesn’t have a cold sore when he’s kissing the baby it’ll be ok, but yes I’d be annoyed at the thoughtlessness

LovinglifeAF · 06/10/2022 22:01

User65412 · 06/10/2022 21:47

As a lifetime coldsore sufferer I would be furious. It's an awful virus. The pain I have during an outbreak is unbearable, every nerve in my body hurts.
Your friend should be so careful when she has an outbreak. I don't think absent-mindedness is an excuse in this instance!
I hope your son isn't too affected by this one. I find the compeed patches amazing and also prevent spreading if he's old enough.

sorry if you already do but do you take oral acyclovir, if not maybe get some. I have post herpetic neuralgia after I get them, which is grim.

Youthinkyoureuniqueyourejustastatistic · 06/10/2022 22:03

I’d be fucking fuming if anyone had shared their drink bottle with my kid cold sore or not but I can’t believe someone would do that with a cold sore. Especially as you’re pregnant. My mum gets them and she’s managed not to pass them to any of her husband/kids/grandkids.

Superfrog3 · 06/10/2022 22:04

I would be so angry, I suffer from cold sores and don't kiss my kids and make sure not to share anything with them. My water bottle stays out of reach and I tell my children not to touch it. I would be fuming if somebody did this.. if I'm truthful i would be fuming if somebody offered my children a bottle they had drank out of regardless. I never do this with my neices or friends children because if I had an illness I didn't know about and passed it on to them I would feel guilty, if they need a drink I would always buy them their own.

Asparagoose · 06/10/2022 22:04

She’s infected your child with an incurable disease. I would be absolutely furious and would never speak to her again. Too late for your poor son unfortunately. This is why I don’t let my kids be around people with cold sores, it’s up to you as a parent to protect them.

LovinglifeAF · 06/10/2022 22:05

Oh just remembered lol my own son got a cold sore when he was about two, probably from nursery as it was before I got them (I probably got the bloody virus from him!) he was prescribed Zovirax and he’s never had another one, he’s now 16!

SirBlobby · 06/10/2022 22:10

I caught a cold sore from a boyfriend as a teen (now husband 😬) and my mum begged me not to kiss him while he had one. Didn't listen clearly.

I would do all I could to stop DD and other kids getting one. They're awful. I get them bad when I'm stressed. Which is usually before something important where I want to look nice.

They've also triggered recurrent shingles, Very annoying.

YANBU

Bossa09 · 06/10/2022 22:11

I’m sorry YANBU.
I honestly feel fury for you. It’s one of my fears - and I get we can’t control everything but I feel people who have them / an outbreak should be more vigilant.
MIL gets them and is also absent minded - touches mouth / re wears lipsticks after using during an outbreak. It’s one area of contention. If DC got one via her I’d be furious.
If your friend has any nieces / nephews, or even to save anything happening again. I would mention it / how you feel about DS kissing newborn.

Getofftheladder · 06/10/2022 22:18

YANBU. no one should share drinks bottles ever, for a multitude of reasons. We had this drilled into us as teens at school after a couple kids had meningitis.

neighboursmustliveon · 06/10/2022 22:20

I'm 44 and not ever had one so this would make me so cross.

My mum never had them till her third marriage and age now has them a lot and sees no issue with it. I'm always careful around her now.

ForestofD · 06/10/2022 22:21

I agree with you.

I get terrible cold sores. I'm super strict- I don't kiss the kids (we call them 'far away' kisses) different towel for drying face and no sharing of bottles/cups.

I even get them up my nose and they hurt. I think you are quite right to remind her to be very, very careful. And stop touching the damn thing!

Flittingaboutagain · 06/10/2022 22:21

Personally I couldn't forgive this and I would never see her again. She's given your baby a lifelong virus that may cause him pain and health problems not to mention stop him from kissing his own wife/baby etc as an adult.

When my IL had a cold sore I literally said sorry we're not coming in actually and left at the doorstep.

2MinuteRice · 06/10/2022 22:22

It is selfish OP. I would be so cross.

My grandmother had cold sores after a family gave her a kiss on the lips as a child. She had 7 children, 21 grandchildren and copious amounts of great great grandchildren.

Not one of us did she give it to. I only know to be wary because of what she taught us

Hillcrest2022 · 06/10/2022 22:24

LovinglifeAF · 06/10/2022 22:01

sorry if you already do but do you take oral acyclovir, if not maybe get some. I have post herpetic neuralgia after I get them, which is grim.

Show quote history

Acyclovir is the only thing that works for me. As soon as I feel one coming up I take one and a second one 2 hours later and they die. Its excellent.

Iliveonahill · 06/10/2022 22:25

My ex H had cold sores, the kids and I never caught them from him.

bakebeans · 06/10/2022 22:31

I'm on the fence to be honest. I'm a cold sore sufferer and herpes virus sufferer. I've been full of warts and verrucas and cold sores all my life. My husband and daughter have given me a kiss in the past (not realising I had a sore and sudden forgetful moment) and they have never suffered. Both my children were avid and keen swimmers and my oldest daughter has never had a verruca or wart or cold sore. And she's now 26 years of age. My youngest child on the other hand like me has had verrucas, warts and cold sores 🤷‍♀️

Lostoldusername · 06/10/2022 22:33

I'd be super cross if she kissed but given that article above says its extremely unlikely you would transmit it through sharing cups etc, then it doesn't seem likely your friend has given it him surely?
Obviously sharing her drink with him is disgusting anyway, but I'm not sure you can put the onus for this on her as a fact?

LovinglifeAF · 06/10/2022 22:36

Hillcrest2022 · 06/10/2022 22:24

Acyclovir is the only thing that works for me. As soon as I feel one coming up I take one and a second one 2 hours later and they die. Its excellent.

Show quote history

Me too, I’ve only had the tablets a few times but the cream if I get it on quick enough can often stop them coming up altogether. It is good stuff. My last one came up overnight though so I was stuffed.

MsRosley · 06/10/2022 22:38

Try to take comfort from the fact that most adults are infected with herpes simplex, though many are symptomless. Your son would be unlikely to have avoided it for long.

Liervik · 06/10/2022 22:40

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for privacy reasons.

Shiningstarr · 06/10/2022 22:40

MsRosley · 06/10/2022 22:38

Try to take comfort from the fact that most adults are infected with herpes simplex, though many are symptomless. Your son would be unlikely to have avoided it for long.

That's completely besides the point.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 06/10/2022 22:47

MsRosley · 06/10/2022 22:38

Try to take comfort from the fact that most adults are infected with herpes simplex, though many are symptomless. Your son would be unlikely to have avoided it for long.

None of my family have it.
It's common but there's still a LOT of people without it and if you have it you should do anything to stop the spread

Kastri · 06/10/2022 22:50

I would nor let her near your new baby when they arrive.