Page 5 | 'The wife'

Cigent · 2022-10-06T14:18:02+00:00

As in men referring to their girlfriends as 'the wife'. I have a friend whose boyfriend does it like of the time - 'date night with the wife', 'being spoiled by the wife', 'the wife's just at the bar'. It drives me crackers. They're not even married! AIBU? I don't know why it winds me up so much but it really does.

MarianneOnAMotorcycle · 06/10/2022 19:29

DysonSpheres · 06/10/2022 15:32

Wifey
Missus
The Wife

All better than girlfriend once you've been together a long time. See no problem with either.

What's wrong with using her name instead of "the wife"?

StupidSmallFruit · 06/10/2022 19:30

I mean, I’m married and don’t use the word ‘husband’ (unless, maybe I’m on the phone to a utilities company or the bank, or something).

The only thing worse than ‘husband’ and ‘wife’ - especially if they’re not even your husband / wife - is …. fiancé/e!

ZoeCM · 06/10/2022 19:44

I'll never understand that the resistance to the word "partner" on MN. It's a perfectly fine term!

Cw112 · 06/10/2022 19:46

I do hate that too... like if you want to call me that then put a ring on it lol. My DH would have used partner or other half before we got engaged or married because we were older and together longer than felt right for girlfriend/boyfriend.

TheOrigRights · 06/10/2022 20:02

I'm not sure if it's the use of wife when someone isn't one which bothers you, or the use of The.
I always hated The Wife. I was a wife of his wife, not an object.
Ex used to call me 'er indoors my. He was being ironic as I was the one out at work and he was at home nominally being a SAHD

TheOrigRights · 06/10/2022 20:06

SussexRoyal · 06/10/2022 17:56

Whilst I agree some terms of endearment are cringeworthy, I don’t see how married people have exclusive rights to the ‘in-law’ terminology. I call my partner’s parents my in-laws because it’s easier. What would you prefer we say when we have children together and have been together years?

I have the challenge of what to call my ex-FIL. We have a close relationship.
Sometimes I call him the boys' grandad, but I have POA and people need to know who I am. I just say I'm his DIL.
The care home always call me his daughter. I don't mind, apart from sought discomfort on my part - I had my own dad.

1982mommaof4 · 06/10/2022 20:09

North here and everyone is called the Mrs

GloriousGlory · 06/10/2022 20:10

My late MIL used to introduce me as "this is DHs name's wife". I then used to say I'm @GloriousGlory, I've even got my own name!

Butchyrestingface · 06/10/2022 20:12

I've occasionally referred to past victims as the old ball and chain - does that pass the litmus test?

DottyLittleRainbow · 06/10/2022 20:16

See also “the missus”. Enjoying the idea of commitment without the actual legal commitment.

I told my now husband not to call me that unless he married me 😂

Original poster

Cigent · 06/10/2022 20:26

MissyB1 · 06/10/2022 15:46

He needs to propose to her if he wants to call her his wife. What does she think about it? I would be telling him to stop taking liberties!

I've never asked her whether the term bothers her but she definitely does not want to get married.

OP posts:

Original poster

Cigent · 06/10/2022 20:29

NightsByTheLake · 06/10/2022 15:51

Why though? Do you see being married as somehow better and ‘wife’ or having ‘in laws‘ as some sort of sacred thing. It just doesn’t really matter. My sons friend who is only 20 calls whoever his latest girlfriend is, his wife.

We’ve chosen not to get married and we just say partner, but for the men saying wife it’s just another way of them referring to the person they’re in a relationship with, I don’t think they’re actually trying to deceive anyone into thinking they’re married. Because why would it matter? 😬

Despite not being married, I do say in-laws. What should I say? My partners family? They’re my family too, they’re my children’s grandparents, aunts and uncles.

Show quote history

No, not better, I'm not married myself. But if you aren't married you don't have a wife. And it's the 'the' part of 'the wife' and 'the in laws', too. The combination is just awful. What is wrong with 'my girlfriend', 'my partner', 'my partner's family'?

OP posts:

Original poster

Cigent · 06/10/2022 20:30

NightsByTheLake · 06/10/2022 15:57

I can understand that a bit more. It’s like some men find saying ‘my’ wife as a big too emotional or something, ‘the’ wife always seems to be said by the hard men or the ‘cheeky chappies‘. Now, that’s a term I hate. 🤮

Show quote history

This has hit the nail on the head! The attempt at being the cheeky chappy. That's it exactly.

OP posts:

Original poster

Cigent · 06/10/2022 20:33

Eastie77Returns · 06/10/2022 16:16

Why do you care? It really has no impact on your day to day life if an unmarried couple refer to each other as wifey/hubby and their partners family as in laws. They don’t need permission from anyone to use those terms.

The level of anger some people on MN show towards couples who choose not to get married is baffling. The usual argument is that women who don’t get married leave themselves financially vulnerable even though many women today out-earn their partners and would be perfectly fine if they split.

Or do you think marriage confers some kind of superior status on a woman? A quick scan of the Relationships board on any given day provides a useful guide as to why it really doesn’t.

Show quote history

I'm not married, never have been married, and am not in a relationship. It's the term, not whether they're married or not.

OP posts:

ThisShitsBananas · 06/10/2022 20:34

I’m Cornish so I’m “the maid”.

I refer to my husband as; my lodger, my first husband, my current husband, the one night stand who never left or my arsehole.

KimberleyClark · 06/10/2022 20:35

ThirtyThreeTrees · 06/10/2022 17:31

I work in a male dominated environment and myself & the very few other women there have a theory which proves true time and time again.

The men who use their wife & kids names are the nice, normal, generally decent men. Not even always that kids name, I.e. myself, Claire and the two kids....

The men who say the wife & kids and we've never heard their names. More egotistical, less friendly and generally more likely to cheat.

Test it....it's not fool proof but it's correct at least 90% of the time.

What about men who say “my wife” rather than “the wife” ?

Original poster

Cigent · 06/10/2022 20:37

GreyBlossom · 06/10/2022 16:38

You enjoy being all smug and married while she hasn't yet snared her man and you object to someone unqualified using the superior status. Even if subconsciously, otherwise why would you care?

😂Mumsnet is unbelievable sometimes. I'm not married, never have been. I've been single for years. She's been in a relationship for years. If she got married, split up, or stayed as she is I wouldn't give a flying fuck.

I just cannot abide her boyfriend's posts about 'the wife'.

OP posts:

BigFatLiar · 06/10/2022 20:40

GloriousGlory · 06/10/2022 20:10

My late MIL used to introduce me as "this is DHs name's wife". I then used to say I'm @GloriousGlory, I've even got my own name!

But surely in that instance she was introducing you in terms of your relationship. If you were introduced as gloriousglory you could be gloriousglory the dog walker.

I'm 'the boss' or 'senior management' but usually just called by my name. Also referred to as mum or granny on occasions to certain family members.

Original poster

Cigent · 06/10/2022 20:40

EndlessMagpies · 06/10/2022 16:50

Which term of endearment would you prefer, OP?

Incidentally, I've always associated 'partner' with either a business relationship, or a same sex one, so if not that, what would be a suitable alternative?

'Been to the pub with my girlfriend' or 'been to the pub with Hannah'.

OP posts:

Numbat2022 · 06/10/2022 20:42

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster

Cigent · 06/10/2022 20:43

ThirtyThreeTrees · 06/10/2022 17:31

I work in a male dominated environment and myself & the very few other women there have a theory which proves true time and time again.

The men who use their wife & kids names are the nice, normal, generally decent men. Not even always that kids name, I.e. myself, Claire and the two kids....

The men who say the wife & kids and we've never heard their names. More egotistical, less friendly and generally more likely to cheat.

Test it....it's not fool proof but it's correct at least 90% of the time.

100%.

OP posts:

Original poster

Cigent · 06/10/2022 20:52

SussexRoyal · 06/10/2022 17:56

Whilst I agree some terms of endearment are cringeworthy, I don’t see how married people have exclusive rights to the ‘in-law’ terminology. I call my partner’s parents my in-laws because it’s easier. What would you prefer we say when we have children together and have been together years?

Married people do have exclusivity because someone only becomes your family in law if you're connected to them by marriage.

Anyway it's not that it would bother me if he said in a conversation 'my in laws are coming round tomorrow (even if there's nothing wrong with saying 'my girlfriend's parents are coming round tomorrow, or 'Hannah's parents'), it's the the in laws.

'What a weekend! Got the wife hassling me to tidy up ready for the mother in law coming round and it's only 7am!' on Facebook type stuff.

OP posts:

emmetgirl · 06/10/2022 20:55

My DP refers to me as " 'er indoors" and I call him " 'im indoors"
I think things like this are terms of endearment. Don't read too much into things.

BigFatLiar · 06/10/2022 21:09

Cigent · 06/10/2022 20:43

100%.

Show quote history

Some time ago we went to a social at dh's work and there seemed to three groups those who already knew me (friends), those who knew my name because I was dh's wife ( your bfl xxx's wife) and those who simply knew he had a wife. They were friends , people he got well with and finally 'others'.

When I thought about it I realised most people I worked with didn't know his name as I simply referred to him as my husband, few even knew my children's names. Didn't bother me.

Imissmoominmama · 06/10/2022 21:13

I call DH ‘Himself’ on fb.