'The wife'

[Cigent]

As in men referring to their girlfriends as 'the wife'.

I have a friend whose boyfriend does it like of the time - 'date night with the wife', 'being spoiled by the wife', 'the wife's just at the bar'. It drives me crackers. They're not even married!

AIBU? I don't know why it winds me up so much but it really does.

Better than ‘this one’

Cheeky cocktail with this one. Celebrating anniversary with this one. Can’t believe I found this one. Literally about to get fucked on the sofa with Netflix on by this one.

YABU because of the reason you don't like it (because they're not married) why does that bother you so much. Who cares?

Yeah I've seen a few people use that on FB, I don't really get it. It doesn't sound affectionate or anything

I find ‘The Wife’ used when men are (half) joking about deferring permission for them to do something. E.g.

’are you coming for a beer tonight, Steve?’
’Would love to mate but better ask the wife first’.

Its the same when people in my team use the phrase ‘the boss’ which I hate; I would much prefer them to say ‘my manager’.

It doesn’t make me shudder

not like “hubby” does anyway

If her refers to her as his wife and her parents as inlaws it lulls the foolish into a false sense of security. Especially if they think ' common law wife' is an actual thing. Removes the pressure to marry for the man who doesn't ever want to marry and has no intention of ever marrying.

same here

because you and I don’t go around actively looking for things to be offended about

Same here... I cringe when I hear 'the' wife etc and even worse is 'this one' ie 'I'm on holiday with this one' and shares a pic of him and his wife. No idea why but it really annoys me!!

You enjoy being all smug and married while she hasn't yet snared her man and you object to someone unqualified using the superior status. Even if subconsciously, otherwise why would you care?

In any event, other than the odd builder I have used the other side of 50, I don’t seem to actually know or at least certainly not those I ever interact with - any man to describe their partner or wife as “the wife”.

I sometimes DP calls me "the wife". Given that we have a civil partnership rather than a marriage I'm technically neither a wife or a girlfriend.

Yes, it’s one of those terms that is just cringeworthy.

Up there with hubby, wifey and bubba.

Thats why it’s best to keep your snout out of other peoples relationship.

Dh works in a male dominated environment. He never, ever uses the term 'my missus/ the missus' in any normal every day social encounter. He is always utterly respectful of me and how he refers to me. As soon as he's with his work mates (working from home and on the phone) I hear 'my missus/ the missus' trotted out. I hate it. I really hate it. And I've told him. Yanbu.

Hate it. Also young guys say all the time, "Me bird" 🤨 (up north) I think it's supposed to be charmingly retro or something.

Which term of endearment would you prefer, OP?

Incidentally, I've always associated 'partner' with either a business relationship, or a same sex one, so if not that, what would be a suitable alternative?

I feel much the same. One of my work colleagues used to call me 'babe' which is obviously highly unprofessional, sexist and inappropriate....... BUT I let him off, because he was the nicest human being imaginable. I realised eventually he was trying to be nice by calling me that.

Agree, referring to someone as 'the wife' makes them sounds like an object: the tv, the fridge.

Given 'wife' status to your partner when you are not married is a different thing, imo.

I have, on numerous occasions when talking to people about my son and his partner referred to her as his wife, which she would be anyway if lockdown hadn't meant they had to delay.

They've been together for around ten years, she's part of the family and they have a child together.

I suppose I use the term as a sort of shorthand to describe a relationship that 'girlfriend' or 'partner' doesn't really cover.

Honestly couldn't care less.

So what if they are not married.

YANBU

I always wonder who’s the bigger idiot - the one saying it or the one responding to it.

I've never liked it, to me it's in the same category as the dog, the cat, the wife. I've yet to hear a woman say the husband, they say my husband.
My next door neighbour used to rile me when chatting over the fence, he always used to refer to his lovely wife as 'The Wife', I'm sorry I never corrected him and said Do you mean, Marion? She does have a name!

Yep. My MIL refers to her daughter's boyfriend / partner as her "husband" to outsiders as she is secretly ashamed that they have kids and are not married.

I just call him her boyfriend because that's what he is.

Partner is fine though. She's not his wife.

In laws also doesn't annoy me. To people who know us I say [DP's name] sister / mum / sister's husband. But to people who don't it's easier to say in laws. We have been together for over a decade and have DC, I have an in laws relationship with them. I also say my nephew to refer to his nephew. It's easier and almost true, I treat him just as I would if me and DP were married in terms of babysitting, buy his presents for Christmas and birthdays, school pick ups, etc.

I work in a male dominated environment and myself & the very few other women there have a theory which proves true time and time again.

The men who use their wife & kids names are the nice, normal, generally decent men. Not even always that kids name, I.e. myself, Claire and the two kids....

The men who say the wife & kids and we've never heard their names. More egotistical, less friendly and generally more likely to cheat.

Test it....it's not fool proof but it's correct at least 90% of the time.