'The wife'

[Cigent]

As in men referring to their girlfriends as 'the wife'.

I have a friend whose boyfriend does it like of the time - 'date night with the wife', 'being spoiled by the wife', 'the wife's just at the bar'. It drives me crackers. They're not even married!

AIBU? I don't know why it winds me up so much but it really does.

@Cigent I’m married but would be annoyed if my partner called me his wife without proposing to me. I don’t mind “future wife or soon to be wife” if a couple are engaged
I mean it doesn’t affect me I guess what they call each other but I do silently think to myself inside that it is a bit cringy. Especially as I know my friends want to get engaged, and their boyfriend is taking their time despite saying they want too.

Unmarried together 13 years.

I would never refer him as husband etc as that's wrong.

But I do refer to his parents as in laws as an easy identifier. Boyfriends parents seems to indicate NO involvement in my life whereas in laws does.

He needs to propose to her if he wants to call her his wife. What does she think about it? I would be telling him to stop taking liberties!

I actually can't get excited about this sort of thing and I'm a raging feminist. It's obviously done ironically and if its done with affection and with goodwill I can't get upset.

Also being called "love" by random blokes. It should upset me but it really doesn't.

Why though? Do you see being married as somehow better and ‘wife’ or having ‘in laws‘ as some sort of sacred thing. It just doesn’t really matter. My sons friend who is only 20 calls whoever his latest girlfriend is, his wife.

We’ve chosen not to get married and we just say partner, but for the men saying wife it’s just another way of them referring to the person they’re in a relationship with, I don’t think they’re actually trying to deceive anyone into thinking they’re married. Because why would it matter? 😬

Despite not being married, I do say in-laws. What should I say? My partners family? They’re my family too, they’re my children’s grandparents, aunts and uncles.

I’ve seen a couple of FB acquaintances (and I use even that term lightly) posting things like “date night with the hubby / the hubz” so I’d assume it’s a colloquial regionalism rather than intended to be belittling or objectifying.

Here even teenagers refer to the missus. Either that or mar lady.

I have to say, I do love 'our lass', along with 'our young 'un' to refer to DC. Used affectionately where I'm from.

No no no no no. Hate it. Regardless of whether married or not. But hubby, hubs and hubster - indicates moron to me. If I hear anyone say hubby etc that's it, they're ghosted.

I can understand that a bit more. It’s like some men find saying ‘my’ wife as a big too emotional or something, ‘the’ wife always seems to be said by the hard men or the ‘cheeky chappies‘. Now, that’s a term I hate. 🤮

It’s ‘me bird’ here 😂

I’m struggling to imagine the GALL of people who are NOT MARRIED pretending they ARE married. Unforgivable. It’s almost like most people nowadays think being married is largely a load of old bollocks or something.

If they thought it was a load of old bollocks, why would they use the terminology?

Because they’re having a laugh innit?

I have no issue with this. What I do have an issue is men being referred to the "stepfather" of children regardless of how short the relationship is. IMO a step parent is a lot more than some bloke /woman who happens to be shagging the children's biological parent!!!

Just to add, my mother was very concerned that we decided to remain unmarried and refer to each other as ‘partner’. Her fear was ‘what if someone thinks you’re gay?’ 🤔 She genuinely thought that would be an issue to me and make me want to get married. She always was a twat.

Personally don't like 'wifey' or 'the wife' especially when they're not married.

I do think there's a regional element though. I don't mind 'our/the missus' so much, I think as I've often heard it growing up used in a jokingly way, but a lovingly jokey way, iyswim. And sometimes like there's an emphasised respect there for 'the missus'. Maybe I'm just imagining it though

I used to get confused with wor lass when I lived in the NE, it took me ages to realise they meant wife rather than daughter (I grew up with the word lass meaning girl, not woman).

I'm with you on this one, OP. Referring to people you aren't married to as wife(/husband) is weird, that's literally what the word partner is for. Saying 'the wife' rather than 'my wife' is bloody annoying and makes the woman sound like a chattel. And usually the person they're talking to would know the woman's name so there's no reason they couldn't just say 'Sara' or whatever. But hubster, hubby et al are all also awful.

It's 'my lass' around here too. Cringe.

Wife originally meant woman, which is why we have midwife, fishwife etc. It later was used to describe a woman joined by legal or religious law. So whether married under the law or not, it's correct.

"My wife" sounds fine, "the wife" sounds completely impersonal.

Why do you care? It really has no impact on your day to day life if an unmarried couple refer to each other as wifey/hubby and their partners family as in laws. They don’t need permission from anyone to use those terms.

The level of anger some people on MN show towards couples who choose not to get married is baffling. The usual argument is that women who don’t get married leave themselves financially vulnerable even though many women today out-earn their partners and would be perfectly fine if they split.

Or do you think marriage confers some kind of superior status on a woman? A quick scan of the Relationships board on any given day provides a useful guide as to why it really doesn’t.

I am married but never introduce my other half as my husband and dislike it when he introduces me as his wife. Blurgh. I have a name, I do not need a title or description thanks.

Also hate the use of the term "hubby". And wifey. Just use their names!!

It's very dated, 70's sitcom. Using someone's name is easier all round, although I can imagine 'the wife' being used when the person being spoken to wouldn't know the wife's name, and she might not be present. As for using when not married, 🙄. The point of not getting married is precisely not to have that relationship, isn't it?

I refer to mine as "the husband". 😁
Of course introductions are in full name.

I am also often reffered to as The boss when he doesn't eant to pay full price of something and knows guys back down in solidarity of I do "meh, no" and he just shrugges shoulders😂 saved us loads!