What do you NOT miss about your EXH??

[FloraFloraa]

I need to some light-hearted chat.
My divorce is almost finalised... yes, I've had moments of sadness and "I hope I am doing the right thing" but I know I am 100%.
My STBXH isn't a bad guy, we just fell out of love and grew apart.
However, I've started thinking of all the things I am looking forward too... such as CHRISTMAS!! I am excited knowing that I can have a leisurely morning and not drive to 3 different houses in our neighbouring city to visit STBXH family.
I am also looking forward to not listening to his shit loud music in the house too...

I probably sound mean but tell me what DON'T you miss about your EXH??

xx

You’ve made my night I shouldn’t laugh but that’s a classic thank you you’ve made me smile again.

Never again will be with a bloke my home will be sanctuary.

The snoring.
The treading on eggshells worrying if he would be in a bad mood or not.

Yes waking up to delightful not.

The way he would stand in doorways glaring or complaining at me. I still get anxious if a man stands in the doorway of a room I'm in.

A particular "Mmh-mmh" two tone vocal tic he developed.

The stacks of old newspapers and magazines that couldn't be thrown out until he had read every word of print in them.

Nothing.

I don't miss being with a mummy's boy and his manipulative family nor the fact that he was ever able to hold a job down as he always had a safety net which was his mum. The groping on the tube and other inappropriate public display of perving. I can't believe I've spent 3 years with this loser. Ew.

I dont miss feeling like I have a fourth child! Also don’t miss how ‘funny’ he and his family found it to lift one bum cheek when they farted 😡and that he can’t watch a rugby match without drinking too much . Or his spending more on a car than he can afford ‘because he deserves it’

What I'm thinking was how come we were with them in the first place? Was love blind from the start or did they deteriorate?

The only thing I DO miss is his big jumpers in winter.

Everything else - bullying, financial abuse, lack of presence/parenting, alcoholism, dangerous behaviour, nope don't miss any of it. But the jumpers...

His vile sister who was 30 going on 13.
His vile mother who called me ignorant in front of our guests at our wedding
His vile father who called me a fucking intellectual snob and then a gold digger in front of our children
His pants on the floor
Him waking everyone up at 5 am to go cycling for 6 hours
him coming home from cycling and needing some quiet time
the way he spoke to the children
the constant ‘tell me what to do’
the expectation of wanting a round of applause for hoovering the floor
his need to be told every single thing to parent and then being blamed if it wasn’t working
the fact that he solely focused on himself morning noon and night
the fact that when I was looking after the children and parenting he said that was what mothers do
the fact that when he was asked to look after his own children he referred to it as being my childcare
the fact he was obsessed with getting one over on a business he felt slighted him eg 36 hours complaining on the phone until they gave him a discount
the fact he had no idea about gardening, reading, the arts or really anything other than cycling
the fact he was shit at diy
I had to do all the diy.

why did I marry him? Fuck knows.

I cry with relief that I’m not

Ooohh this will be cathartic (ExP I lived with, not exH though):

Hs smelly, damp, dirty, untidy house with wallpaper missing/hanging off the damp walls. Was supposed to put it on market so we could get somewhere better but never did.

His car, motorbike and van parts (large panels) and mountain bikes stored in the living room. All at the same time. In the only useable downstairs room. A room probably 3m x 4m. He has a garage and several sheds (full of unused stuff and property belonging to his ex of 8 years ago). It's a tiny 2 up 2 down house.

Laundry constantly drying in the same living room. Also, Ironing board, never put away.

No kitchen as such, big plans to make one that never materialised but "conversion" of conservatory (actually a leaky lean-to) to workshop as he couldn't take his ex's crap out of the garage as she had nowhere to put it.

Thinking he was a sex god despite ED and never actually achieving orgasm. Blaming this on one event that occurred 30+ years ago that he's never sought help for (but the reason given is anatomically impossible so he was actually lying about it)

The fucking snoring.

The porn obsession.

The drinking every night.

The gaslighting.

The drama over any slight twinge sustained by him but not giving a shit or asking if I was ok when I had a fairly serious injury.

The near constant sleeping.

The never maintaining any of his vehicles so one or other of them was off the road for months.

Only buying spirits or shoving £20 in a card for all birthdays/Christmas. He knows I hate alcohol as a gift. Probably still no idea what I do like despite me telling him often.

The dramatic falling out with his siblings over any tiny disagreement or not getting his own way over something. Not speaking to them for months.

The use of online dating apps when he was declaring undying love for me and insisting I move back in with him or he'd dump me. He did actually have the audacity to tell me he'd have no problem replacing me. Usually right after telling me how much he loved me.

Looking at his miserable 'boo hoo poor me' face.

I remember reading a funny thread on here a while ago where a poster said her DH , at the smallest inconvenience like chatting to a neighbour or putting the bin out would hunch and limp back in the house and weakly say "coffee" as if he had been missing for 10 years and just found his way home. It really makes me chuckle and reminds me of a friends DH who I just want to shake some enthusiasm into

crochetmonkey, I used to be one of those women who 'saved' people so when most of the shite started sneaking up on me I thought I was able for it. I could never tolerate the rubbish DIY though.
I did a lot of therapy because we were having trouble in the marriage.He'd accused me of causing it and really pushed me to do something about my 'rubbish behaviour'. I t was during those sessions I realised it was codependency, not love and so, reader, I legged it.

Your soon to be ex sounds like mine!

Competitive illness... I get to wallow these days and DC are ace at sympathy!

Telling me I am fat and unnattractive. He is always right, no discussions can be had. Terrible temper, never apologises. Expects me to agree with everything and obey his commands.

Urgh! Similar here too.

you know I have been wondering about this too- I had therapy and my therapist said I was a 'rescuer' so I am thinking about this a lot

For me I think exh is essentially bone idle and it sort of crept up on me so that as the children grew up their demands were being replaced by his helplessness. I had three adult dc leave home and yet my workload didn't alter but when he went (despite having two disabled dc at home) the demands on my time and energy were lessened by 200%.
He still tries it on with the dc but they are much better than I was at putting in boundaries. Dd told me he'd asked her who was going to clean his house when he moved implying that there should be a plan made for it to be done for him. It just an all encompassing sense of entitlement I think

I'm also looking forward to Christmas without the Grinch.