To ask what is the biggest mistake you've made in your life

[Smileeriley]

Mine is a double whammy, getting married and buying my current house.

The house in particular is a noose around my neck. I'm basically renting it from my mortgage company and it will never be mine.

Worst thing I ever did was but this house with my ex husband. He's a whole other thread.

@DimplesToadfoot Sending lots of love to you because you are NOT responsible for your so called parents actions and behaviours. You have done nothing wrong and don't need to carry that guilt. Please speak to someone to help you see this and find peace. You deserve happiness.

Telling someone I was raped and expecting them to believe me and care.
Wrong on both counts.
Shattered my life.

@VampiresWife

You didn't know then, what you didn't know then.
Time is linear, there is no alternative where you acted differently, so you could have prevented nothing.
You did nothing out of malice, spite or hurtfulness.
And neither did any of his other victims.
Fuck the bastard, free yourself xx

@ScentOfSawdust if it helps, I don't regret studying psychology. It led directly into my career (both the first career and the one I'm in now and much better suited to).

The q for your daughter is why psychology. If it's because it's a nice, semi interesting degree to do and she will have a degree of some kind then I'd perhaps recommend something else. That said, I know people who went into HR and marketing after uni based on a psychology degree and don't regret studying it. It does have a nice mix of arts and science about it - everything from opinion essays to stats classes. Can get quite technical in year 4.

If it's because she is passionate about a psychology based career eg clinical psych, educational psych, social work, research in cognitive neuroscience or in psychology etc then it's the right place to be, but be mindful that all psychology based careers require much further study and experience. Feel free to PM for any other info.

I was a shithead as a teenager. Stole from my mum to fund my weed and drink habit, treated her so so poorly when she didn’t deserve it (not even a bit). I was a toxic possessive friend when I was scared of losing my best friend (and quelle surprise did). I was so judgemental and self righteous and a detestable person - no wonder I ended up with no friends in the end. I still feel so awful about it all and I have no idea why I was such a dick from the ages of 15-22. Me and my mum are best friends now, I’m round there every week, love her to bits, and I hope she knows how much appreciate her and not giving up on me. I don’t think I’ll ever stop feeling shame over it though.

*I agree.

I think if you have ended up with a thoroughly decent companion you're doing alright and that is much, much better than a lot of people have.

A lot can be said for a man who respects and cares for you*

agreed. I do think that the media and society sell us such a mythical postcard idea of love, having kids and careers (a big regret across these threads) that people are shocked when their life doesn't work out like that. I think we have to remember that they can never be perfect by their nature and what we have can often be happiness but we can't see it until it's too late.

The thing about unhappiness is that all it takes is for something worse to come along and you realize it was actually happiness after all. If many of you here have your health you are much more fortunate than you realise. I say that as somebody who was never happy before but now have a chronic illness and I pine for my life before.

I regret being so passive and dutiful in my marriage. I just went along with things, I foolishly thought my husband was fantastic. The truth was very very different. The truth was he was abusive and emotionally unstable. Constantly walking on egg shells for so long, still effects me many many years later.
But the worst thing is that I chose to have children with him. Very wanted and longer for children.
These children are now living with my poor disission as their father is not safe enough for them to see. It has shaped our lives no end.

Just want to say for those who need to hear it...
Not everything is a secret blessing or a lesson or leads to something better.
Sometimes trauma is just shitty and you learn to grow around it.
You can move on from it but don't feel you need to be grateful for it or turn it into something good really.

It's strange, but I don't think I have anything. I kept thinking of things but then realising that if X hadn't happened Y would never had happened.

I had an opportunity to go to university abroad, which required breaking up with my first love. I could regret that, except I met my husband while I was there, and he's worlds better than the first love I left behind.

I could regret only having one child but she's a dream and life has been great with her, don't feel like I lost the freedom I was scared to lose, was able to juggle her and my career, was able to still nurture relationship with DH.

I suppose my one and only big mistake was never reporting the man who groomed me when I was 14 - he eventually got caught (with TB upon TB of inappropriate images of children) but I regret that had a reported him sooner, he mightn't have had the chance to consume that media. It wouldn't have stopped it being made but... It would have been one less creep out in the world. But I try not to beat myself up, I was a child.

I agree with that. Love and career have both been disappointing for me, but I think we are given unrealistic expectations.
I'd say that while the big things in life have been a letdown, the supposedly small things have been wonderful, e.g. friends, hobbies, animals, etc.

A lot of heartbreaking reads above and have shed a lot of tears. Please don’t blame yourselves, you have put up with and listened to lies, abuse and blame where the ones to blame are the ones dishing it out.

My wish for ye all is acceptance of yourself and acknowledgement that ye are good people and to try and start afresh and be nice to yourselves and a bit of praise too for your courage and strength.

Start small, smile at people, if ye can do a journal on regrets etc and burn it after re reading it.

I married a not so nice man, mood swings, verbal abuse and some physical abuse split up few times until I finally had enough ( prob about 21 years later. But I have the best 3 children and prob would do it all again just to get them 😍.

I went for a lot of counselling after my marriage ended as hadn’t dealt with other losses during my marriage, my dad’s death and my sister’s suicide ( who I was v close to). I found it helped great, cried during sessions and cried all way on the drive home.

Hugs and prayers for all.

I am sorry to read the messages above which involve trauma and other people. Those are not truly your mistakes are they? Other people were the cause. Mine was entirely my fault - thinking I would look good with a tan and burning myself as a teenager in an attempt to get one. Also using sunbeds. Melanoma 40 years later. Hopefully removed with success and I am not saying this to get sympathy. If I can save one person from going on a sunbed that is good. Don't do it anyone!! Don't burn. Don't use a sunbed.

To have not run for the hills when my then boyfriends ex accused him of rape. He convinced me she was out to hurt him anyway possible. He was always so kind and caring to me, so i didn't think he would be ever do such a thing, until a week later when he did the same to me.

I was a teenager in my first relationship. Hope he enjoyed his time behind bars when both my statement and his exs was enough to put him where he belonged.

Not killing my self before I had children. Now I'm stuck and I'm angry that I don't have a choice but to stay alive for them

I gave up work 10 years ago- age 40
Kids now teens.
Much of my difficulty arose from perimenopause and consequent inability to deal with aspects of work that i'd previously tolerated
And the stress of young family/in-laws/fuck-all money etc etc
I mean, i was in the "wrong" job but i think i could have stuck it without the shitty hormonal shenanigans
I can't face working now- I'm so anxious about it- would work in a cafe/whatever but can't face it.
Feel embarrassed that my kids friends' mums all work and I don't- feel useless
We cut our cloth but obvs don't have the holidays/activities that we could have had- also we downsized to teeny house- though at least it's in a nice area thank god.
another regret, gosh i have a few!- being majorly unfit/eating shite for decades.
on a positive note, i am slowly addressing fitness and diet, such that i now have a healthy BMI. I'm slowly re-introducing HRT which i need but paradoxically found hard to tolerate. I'm very slowly weaning myself off prozac (take less than 10mg daily)- so, despite all my complaining, I do feel some positivity regarding the future.

Even though I am now married to an amazing guy, I do have some regrets about splitting up with my first husband, dad to my 2 sons. The main reason being that even though he was a great DH and dad I wasn't in love with him at the end, by splitting up it meant I missed out on so much with my boys (he did too) due to them splitting their time between us both.

I still cry now when I think about it, 12 years later. I've had lots of conversations with them both about how sad I am that I missed out on so much and apologised.

Thank you. I think I need to do some reframing of it. I see so many posts on here about people still deeply in love with their partners after decades and think that that’s the norm; but I think you’re probably right and my situation is more common than we think.

Having an absolutely monumental MH breakdown in the middle of a manic bipolar episode (undiagnosed at the time), lying because I thought it was real, spending thousands of money and having an affair.

I single handedly ruined mine and my families life, and nothing will be the same again

My biggest regret is starting a family too young. I obviously wouldn't change it now they're here and I love the bones of them but if I'd been a better mother if I was the woman I am now when I started my family. But at the same time, I don't think I'd of matured half as much without the kids. Maybe I would of never been ready? I'd probably not of been more financially secure either, I'm not money motivated enough.

The other isn't a regret as such...I just wish me and DH had met later in life. We met so young and knew we were each others missing part. I'm so incredibly lucky to have found him, but I had a lot of plans for how I would live my life alone in my 20s and those plans didn't fit with having a partner. I'm ok with the choices I made, they weren't wrong. But sometimes I wish I could of met him in my 20s instead so I could have had that time to just be me.

There's lots of other things I got wrong, but not in ways that make me regret them. I was usually doing the best I could at the time with what I had.

Getting married. I wish I hadn’t.
I was in my 30’s and everyone else I knew was married, so I just said yes when asked.

I knew on the day that it was a mistake. I still know now 2 years later, but feel trapped.

@IWillBeWaxingAnOwl

Phew! Thank you. She does want a career in a related field. Possibly speech therapy, possibly educational psychology…she’s not entirely sure so psychology seemed like a good starting place. And she’s doing the A level and loves it.

Had an affair, fell in love with him and he didn't want me. Karma I suppose. Why? selfish and low self-esteem.

When I was in my early twenties I began a relationship with a man in his 50s who had sexually assaulted me. I ended up leaving my boyfriend for this guy, who never left his own partner, and spent years being emotionally and sexually abused before eventually waking up and realising that I just couldn't take anymore. I really put my friends and family through the wringer during those years. I still ask myself why the hell I did it.

Not much juicy stuff on here, mostly bad relationship decisions. Come on everyone, the Mail is waiting to write its article!

Not making the most of opportunities and pushing myself forward...and not starting/understanding about pensions/investments soon enough.