Invited to dinner but they had already eaten

[Peterandpam]

family Member and I had to borrow an item of each other so decided that I would go to her house tonight to swap items. She called this morning and asked if we wanted to stay for dinner. We said that would be lovely and both discussed food options and settled on a take away after a conversation on what to get from the shop. Late this afternoon I get a text saying we are now getting something from the supermarket as we fancy something healthier. I replied saying thats good for us as we are both being good with what we eat. When we turn up they have already eaten. My partner and I where starving hungry when we turned up so ended up rushing to the shop after as we had nothing in. Surely from the messages I haven’t miss read them have I ?

Could her husband have not been happy with them paying for food? It doesn't sound like a mix up tbh.

What happened when you arrived? Did they say anything about the dinner? Did you just swap items and leave?
Very weird behaviour

Were you late ?

If you suggested a takeaway then maybe her saying they'll get something healthier was her saying we'll do this and you get a takeaway.

Depends what exactly you said

They were basically cancelling dinner by telling you they were buying something, you said that good with us.

I think they were cancelling and you misunderstood. Your not at fault but neither are they

Sounds like you all got your wires crossed, I wouldn't dwell on it.

You misunderstood. From what you've written, they were telling you that they had decided to get something from the supermarket instead and you replied that was fine with you. So why did you expect food when you arrived?

Yes, I think they were saying we're having something healthier, you get the takeaway.

I think they are at fault in this situation. If I was un-Inviting people I'd make it very clear. I'd also assume I was still invited for food but having something from the supermarket rather than a take away.

See now I’d have still expected dinner, albeit something they’d got from the supermarket.

Me too, I'd have assumed that they were going to go and buy some food to make us all dinner with!

Yes we had spent ages deciding on take away or supermarket so I said it’s up to you as your the one hosting. So when it came for her to change the plans to supermarket I figured she just couldn’t decide. When we got there they had empty plates on the table and where clearing up. We also turned up on time

I’d have thought that meant they were cooking for all of you with something healthier from the supermarket rather than the takeaway

I can see how it may have got confusing though

Simple cross wires.

She meant 'let's not have dinner together anymore, we fancy healthier' and you responded 'fine.'

You thought she meant 'we fancy healthier so we'll get something from the shop for all of us' and you responded 'fine.'

Did you tell them you were hungry and did they offer to make you anything?

If you had already discussed supermarkets and were turning up at the same time as previously discussed I would have assumed dinner was still being provided

Send a message "What happened yesterday? You invited us for dinner, at an arranged time, but when we got to yours you had already eaten. I'm confused as to what happened and why if you didn't want us there for dinner you couldn't have just told me?"

I also don't think they're 'not in the wrong' regardless if you misunderstood. Depending on timescales, It's rather rude to invite people around for dinner and then just change one's mind at the last minute-your guests may have planned their day around it, not eaten (obviously!) got much food in etc

Who was meant to be paying?

She was incredibly rude. She was obviously cancelling but instead of being an adult and actually telling you she made it far more confusing. Dick move

Yeah that's super rude! Even if they were getting something from the supermarket to be healthier and still intended for you to get a takeaway, why didn't they wait so you could all eat dinner together?

I’d also read this as a cancellation message, and you agreeing, it’s crossed wires.

Well, I wouldn’t be extending her hospitality any time soon.

I don’t know how some people can look themselves in the mirror.

Don’t do them any favours, OP.

I wouldn't have read this as a cancellation because I would rather the ground swallow me up than do this to a friend!

Then again I have some non-British cultural heritage. I find a lot of English people are very comfortable with being stingy hosts.