Invited to dinner but they had already eaten

[Peterandpam]

family Member and I had to borrow an item of each other so decided that I would go to her house tonight to swap items. She called this morning and asked if we wanted to stay for dinner. We said that would be lovely and both discussed food options and settled on a take away after a conversation on what to get from the shop. Late this afternoon I get a text saying we are now getting something from the supermarket as we fancy something healthier. I replied saying thats good for us as we are both being good with what we eat. When we turn up they have already eaten. My partner and I where starving hungry when we turned up so ended up rushing to the shop after as we had nothing in. Surely from the messages I haven’t miss read them have I ?

From what you've written I would have assumed she meant "actually I'm going to cook something for us all to eat instead of getting a takeaway", given that you'd already agreed you were having dinner round hers and she only told you she was changing the choice of food, not the arrangements themselves.

Just crossed wires, all the messages could be read in different ways. Not worth worrying about.

I also read that they we’re changing type of food not invite for dinner and we’re going to cook something from all of you. It’s rude and weird what they did. There is no 2 ways how to read this - they invited you for dinner and you were rightly expected dinner. And invite for dinner doesn’t mean that I’m bringing my pack up and eating at yours - it means that host is providing food and you bring something like wine, chocolates etc. Host can ask you to bring something specific or you can ask but otherwise it’s about host providing food. It’s not the same as “come to mine to watch Strictly together. Oh you’ve ordered take away? just bring it with you, I was going to eat as well so we will sit together”
it’s not rude to change plans - stuff happens, the rude part was inviting you and not providing food. If they wanted uninvite you they should make it clear (and owe their decision)

No question... I would also have assumed you'd still be eating together, just that the food choice has changed (esp given your conversation about it earlier in the day). Could it be that she had extended the invite without her DH's knowledge, and he wasn't keen to feed you?

She invited you for dinner then tried to uninvite you? But didn’t explain herself well. Bizarre. Crossed wires

I read it that you were still invited but that they had decided to cook a healthier homemade meal instead.

That’s how I would take it as well. I’d probably have bought some crisps and dip or something to contribute (then eaten it all in the car on the way home)

How rude, why would they not cook for you too? It doesn't have to be gourmet, just a supper.

Personally I think that it’s really weird going to someone’s house for dinner and getting a takeaway, this would never happen with my family or circle of friends. In your case though I think that your sister is being both weird and rude- she obviously is too tight to pay for your food,

Really normal within our friends and family. Depending on the relationship and how takeaway suggestion came about either host pays or we split it.

Just crossed wires, no biggie.

Maybe they pick up on your bad attitude and think you're not worth the effort? I certainly wouldn't be impressed.

in mine and your world - yes
in any a mumsnetter’s world…. Go NC!!

Crossed wires

so I wouid have dropped off stuff. Said sorry I misunderstood what you meant. I thought you weee cooking for us. No worries.

we will drop and go as need to eat

equally if you were happy with takeaway @Peterandpam why didn’t you just order takeaway to have at yours when you left theirs

@ClaudiaWankleman hey? How did you interpret that post? I don’t understand - what ‘bad attitude’?

I don't understand why you didn't just say in the moment "I thought we were eating together".

I think fact the op has started a thread about the incident in AIBU would indicate that perhaps there was at least a hint of cats bum mouth attitude from the OP!

They asked you to stay for dinner .. so it’s wierd that they didn’t then feed you what they’d cooked

OP it's definitely going to be crossed wires!

No one is BU, just a mistake- stop overthinking.

'Very comfortable with being stingy' clearly conveys a bad attitude. It's not a recognition that there is a cultural difference between what is considered hosting well. It implies that English people know they're not treating guests properly and think it's a good thing. Bizarre attitude.

There's also a weird British/ English conflation which I am overlooking.

Sounds deliberate. It’s weird AF though. Could the husband have been unhappy for some reason and forced her into this utter rudeness?

It sounds like they were worried about paying for a takeaway for all of you and instead of picking up the phone and telling you straight, they did the Mumsnet thing of deciding that if they completely ignored the situation, it would resolve itself. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Honestly, why can’t these people use a phone as it’s meant to be used and have a straightforward conversation?

They’ve now made complete twats of themselves and you’d be best giving them a wide berth from now on.

Just a thought. I wonder if this is a money thing? They realised they couldn’t afford a takeaway or to buy you dinner as well but didn’t want to say, so went for, what in their mind, was the least awkward option?

It sounds like OP is on a windup

Definitely don’t do this!