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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think one of each isn't that amazing?

116 replies

CarsonViolet · 03/10/2022 19:16

So I recently had my first child, a son, and DH and I are likely going to start trying to conceive our next when he's 1 as we'd like them to be close in age (also to just get the baby/toddlers years over with quicker). Our families and some close friends know this and have been quick to make the standard "let's hope for a girl" "bet you want a girl" comments.

Anyone else honestly prefer the idea of having same sex siblings to a mixture? Anecdotally, based on my own experiences with my siblings and from what I've seen from my friend's children, I just feel that my kids will get on better/ be closer if they're same sex (in my case two boys). Not to mention there's more opportunity to reuse clothes, toys etc They also probably be more likely to have shared interests so no arguments on what we're doing/where we're going for family days out and stuff

I'm aware this absolutely wont be the case for everyone but I've just never seen the appeal on one of each. I always knew I wanted two kids and I always had a preference for either two boys or two girls.

Anyone else feel this way?

OP posts:
Luredbyapomegranate · 03/10/2022 22:18

PuttingDownRoots · 03/10/2022 19:20

DH has a brother who he hasn't talked to in several years.

I have a brother who is one of my best friends.

Its personality not sex.

Exactly

It’s just as odd for you to think two of the same will be easier, as for people to think one of each is somehow ideal.

ZenNudist · 03/10/2022 22:22

I think any set up works well. I have 2 boys. Thats great. It has advantages and disadvantages. Same for 2 girls or one of each. I'd agree that 2 of the same is a bit easier but one of each gives you the chance to try parenting both boys and girls.

I do love my two boys and would have a third boy if i could.

DramaAlpaca · 03/10/2022 22:22

I always wanted a family of boys. I never had any particular desire to have a daughter, though of course I'm sure I'd have been delighted if I'd had one. I have three boys and it's great. What I couldn't imagine having and tbh didn't want was a family of all girls, I think I'd have been desperate for a boy.

thejadefish · 03/10/2022 22:23

I was secretly hoping to have 2 the same but had one of each in the end (love them both to bits of course, not disappointed) but I don't think that I've spoken to a single person who hasn't trotted out the "one of each that's really good!!!" line. Internally I rolled my eyes (particularly whilst I was expecting) but I think it's just small talk/something to say for most people 🤷🏻‍♀️

supersop60 · 03/10/2022 22:30

I thought I wanted 2 DDs, but when DS was born I was delighted.
They are individuals, and now they are 21 and 18 they get on great!

Ultravox · 03/10/2022 22:32

I’m with you. I had 2 boys and was pregnant with a third child. The number of people who commented that we must be desperate for a girl was unreal! When DS3 was born I actually felt a sense of relief as I knew they could share bedrooms/toys/clothes etc. I would’ve been delighted if he had been a girl of course but it somehow made it feel easier that it was another boy. And no we’re not going to go for a 4th to try to get a girl.

bakewellbride · 03/10/2022 22:43

I have one of each and whenever anyone tells me how it's 'the best' / superior to having 2 boys, I always point out I disagree and would've been equally as happy had dd have been a boy. It always dumbfounds people, it's so weird! Yes a boy and a girl is wonderful and amazing but then so are many other family set ups too.

JustDanceAddict · 03/10/2022 22:45

I have one of each with a small gap and they’ve always had similar interests and got on (as far as siblings do). I suppose I wanted two girls, but I’m actually pleased I didn’t in the end.

Dyra · 03/10/2022 22:54

I've got 4 younger siblings. Two of each. We all got on to varying degrees as children, but none of us are especially close as adults.

As for my own kids, I honestly didn't care what I had either time, as I believe that personality and age difference has a far bigger impact than sex on sibling relationships. So far, DC1 absolutely adores DC2. DC2 enjoys the attention. But then we're only 6 months in. Who knows what the future will bring.

AloysiusBear · 03/10/2022 23:06

I put yabu because i was completely neutral about what i got both times

Minniem2020 · 03/10/2022 23:07

I had a girl first but when I was pregnant with my 2nd I didn't think oh a boy would be nice so I have one of each. If anything I thought another girl would be easier as I knew what I was dealing with. I had a boy and he is amazing, as is my 3rd child, also a boy.
DP has 2 boys from a previous relationship and the day I told mil that I was expecting a boy her reply was oh dp wanted a girl! Erm no he didn't, he honestly had no preference at all. After me having our 2nd together that makes it 4 boys he has and he's delighted.

RamsayEaster · 03/10/2022 23:12

Its nice to be able to raise a girl and a boy ❤️💙

CaptainBarbosa · 03/10/2022 23:21

I'm one of each, me and my brother are just shy of 2 years apart in age, him being the eldest.

We are close, always have been. We shared similar interest, like sports but also had our individual tastes, I liked Barbie he like model aircrafts. Seemed to work out fine.

My cousins are two women, 18 months apart, they also get on ok, but not as close as me and my brother. Like even now as adults I see my brother twice a week, they only see eachother at family events and occasions, but they do WhatsApp a lot, they live no further apart than me and my brother do.

So I suppose it just comes down to their personalities more than their sex. But I suppose the financial bonus of having tow the same sex is easier on the purse strings!

Dreamingcats · 03/10/2022 23:22

Yes. If I could choose, I'd choose two of the same.

EfficientDynamics · 03/10/2022 23:32

We have one DD. We were asked recently if we were going to try for a boy

How does one try for a boy?

namechangetheworld · 03/10/2022 23:43

I agree that having one of each is seen as a bizarre sort of Holy Grail. Once we had DD1 I was desperate for another DD (and thankfully got my wish) - not only to reuse all of the beautiful dresses and the VERY pink nursery, but because my friends with sisters all seem to have such lovely, close relationships that have lasted into adulthood. Close adult brother/sister relationships seem to be less common. DD1 and DD2 are currently the best of friends, as they tell us every day, and long may that continue.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 03/10/2022 23:54

I just think that the sex of a child - or adult come to that - is rarely the main thing about them.

I think people often fixate on a baby’s sex as there’s little you can say about a baby - you don’t know their personality yet. However, we all know that human beings are rounded and complex, and as they get older, there should be much more to talk about than if they’re a boy or girl.

amc8583 · 03/10/2022 23:56

I have 2 DDs and was happy that they in the future may have the sisterly bond my sister and I have.

Interestingly, my SIL is pregnant and doesn't want a girl. She wants a boy as she already has a boy and wants them to have a brotherly bond. My BIL also really doesn't want a girl.

pogostickplastique · 03/10/2022 23:57

I wanted two boys from the off and got two boys. Thankfully haha

Mamai90 · 04/10/2022 00:00

I agree. There was just me and my sister growing up, we are so close, always were. She has two boys. I have one girl and I'd prefer baby number two to be a girl. I'd still be happy with a boy but if I could choose it would be another girl.

Original poster
CarsonViolet · 04/10/2022 00:04

Luredbyapomegranate · 03/10/2022 22:18

Exactly

It’s just as odd for you to think two of the same will be easier, as for people to think one of each is somehow ideal.

Show quote history

Honestly I disagree. I think, generally speaking, same sex siblings tend to get on better for the same reason that most men will have majority males friends and most women will choose to surrounds themselves with majority female friends. People do on the whole relate to and get on with people of the same sex better than the opposite.

Obviously there are exceptions, as this thread has showcased, but I think it's accurate of me to believe that my children will likely be closer if both are male as opposed to male/female.

OP posts:
ihatethefuckingmuffin · 04/10/2022 00:16

Siblings either get on or don’t. There were times my dd’s were constantly at each other and were at times damn right nasty to each other or to their older brother.

Toys can be handed down, having both they played with everything. Jeans, trousers, T-shirts can be worn by both sexes.

😂 shared interests. My older son and youngest daughter have more interests they share than they do with their other brother and sister. Afterall they are all individual people.

Apollonia1 · 04/10/2022 04:58

I have boy/girl twins. I found out at 10 weeks that one twin was a boy, but had to wait till 20 weeks to find out the sex of the second baby.
Secretly I hoped Twin2 would be a girl, but I thought it might be better for Twin1 to have a brother (so they would be closer as adults).
They're now toddlers and get on well. It's nice to hear previous posters' stories of boy/girl siblings being close as adults.

It's funny that everyone congratulates me on having one of each. I'd never heard the phrase "Gentleman's family", but apparently that means having two kids, one of each.

TheMightyThor · 04/10/2022 05:02

I have one of each. It makes me a bit sad to pass DDs lovely party dresses and school pinafores onto her friend instead of her sibling 😁but otherwise it really hasn't made much difference so far.

Musti · 04/10/2022 05:08

I don’t think it really matters. I have two of each. I’ve always thought I wanted a sister as I have only brothers but my girls who are close in age fight like cat and mouse. Hopefully it will change.

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