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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think one of each isn't that amazing?

116 replies

CarsonViolet · 03/10/2022 19:16

So I recently had my first child, a son, and DH and I are likely going to start trying to conceive our next when he's 1 as we'd like them to be close in age (also to just get the baby/toddlers years over with quicker). Our families and some close friends know this and have been quick to make the standard "let's hope for a girl" "bet you want a girl" comments.

Anyone else honestly prefer the idea of having same sex siblings to a mixture? Anecdotally, based on my own experiences with my siblings and from what I've seen from my friend's children, I just feel that my kids will get on better/ be closer if they're same sex (in my case two boys). Not to mention there's more opportunity to reuse clothes, toys etc They also probably be more likely to have shared interests so no arguments on what we're doing/where we're going for family days out and stuff

I'm aware this absolutely wont be the case for everyone but I've just never seen the appeal on one of each. I always knew I wanted two kids and I always had a preference for either two boys or two girls.

Anyone else feel this way?

OP posts:

flourishing · 03/10/2022 20:13

I have one of each. My husband and I both only have siblings of the same sex so it was a surprise to us both when we had a son and then a daughter. But to be honest I don't think there's any difference between parenting my son and parenting my daughter.

SugarNspices · 03/10/2022 20:14

I agree actually. I wanted two kids but the same sex (didn't really mind what at the time but one I had my first I wanted my seconded to be the same sex) From my experience yes it's better to have the same sex for a variety of reasons. I remember someone told me they are just lucky because they got one of each, and I said well good for you, im lucky because I got what I want too. I don't like when people assume you long for the same thing.

ReadyForPumpkins · 03/10/2022 20:14

I know you can’t choose. But from my experience growing up, I’m jealous of friends with sisters. They are all very close to them. I have a brother and we have nothing in common. It is entirely possible that two boys have nothing in common, but it’s more likely they do. Just look at the school grounds and you see the friendship groups mostly divided by sex.

Like you say also my two DDs reuse a lot of the clothes, especially the less use items like clothes.

Im totally with you in thinking same sex siblings are better.

GrouchyKiwi · 03/10/2022 20:15

I have 3 girls. I spend a LOT of time refereeing arguments. A lot. A lot a lot.

A child's personality is much more important than their sex. Some children like to play together, some don't.

GrouchyKiwi · 03/10/2022 20:16

Also: as one of seven children - 5 girls, 2 boys - I'm closest to my big brother, who is 18 months older than me. Growing up we had very similar tastes and probably played together the most of all the siblings (if it was just two together; we played altogether a lot as well).

OrderConfirmation · 03/10/2022 20:19

My ds and dd are best friends. Sex is irrelevant, I think it’s more about the age gap and their personalities.

Whitewolf2 · 03/10/2022 20:24

I always had a slight hope for one of each, to experience having a son and a daughter.
I have 2 dds and they are very different personalities, now the one of each wish has totally gone. My husband I think will always wonder what having a son would be like, but then there is no guarantee he’d be a Lego loving nerd like his Dad! Lego Friends which one of my dd loves is great instead.

friedbrainrightnow · 03/10/2022 20:25

Whatever I had I wanted to same again. I don’t fall into the wanting one of each category at all!

Rocketclub · 03/10/2022 20:26

I had a girl and only shifted slightly in favour of a girl second time as I wanted to reuse clothes and uniform as I have a big gap - he was a boy - love him to the moon - no issues.

Always4Brenner · 03/10/2022 20:28

One of two girls NC with sister not seen for 15 and won’t ever again.

SamanthaVimes · 03/10/2022 20:33

I wanted 2 the same. With my first pregnancy I didn’t mind on gender, had perhaps a very slight preference for a boy but I think that’s probably because everyone kept telling me I had a “boy shaped bump”

DD disproved that theory 😂

Then when pregnant with my second and I found out it was a boy I was slightly disappointed (only very briefly, obviously was very happy to have a healthy baby) but I’d been picturing in my head DD having a little sister like I did. DS is lovely but I do think mixed siblings tend to have a different relationship to same sex siblings (Not universal but more likely)

You get what you get though, I’m certainly not having any more so DD and DS will just have to be enough for one another!

OrangePumpkinLobelia · 03/10/2022 20:37

I have 2 boys and was asked constantly 'will you try until you get your girl?'.

I was honestly never interested in what sex they were. It was so so irritating. My mother is also one of those annoying village gossips who would nod sagely when people had more children saying they 'wanted' this or that based on no actual information at all. My first boyfriend was one of 5 boys and my nother would nod with sadness and say 'Oh his mother kept trying for a girl, but no luck'. Based on no personal knowledge at all. Then if you have a boy and girl people say 'Oh the perfect family'.

Just fuck off with that rubbish.

Whiskeypowers · 03/10/2022 20:39

I have DS1 DD and DS2
there is less than four years between then and they are incredibly close
I love the fact that my daughter has boys for best friends as well as her actual school friends and that my sons are growing up alongside a girl. My children are only young but in social situations and at school etc I see a natural ease they all have with the opposite sex, how they play with boys and girls regardless and that there is hardly any “stupid boys or stupid girls “ claptrap.

they are a little tribe all of their own too and one of my favourite things is to pretend I’m busy round the house but secretly half listen to their little conversations and see as they are growing up together

PanPacificBallroomChampion · 03/10/2022 20:42

I just wanted two children, I didn’t care what I had and we found out when I gave birth each time. I did have a girl then a boy just over 2 years apart. They’ve had ups and downs during their teens, nothing horrendous, but they get on so well now. I’d never heard the term a pigeon pair until I’d had our second child.

Darbs76 · 03/10/2022 20:44

I have 2 DS and 1 DD, but 11yrs between DS’s. Only 3yrs between DS and DD. Growing up they were very close but as they became teenagers they have drifted apart a lot. Little in common. I do feel DS would have had more in common with another DS, especially if he liked gaming and football. I’m hoping they will be close again in the future once the teenage years have passed. The love is still there and DS would fit to the death anyone who hurt his sister

roarfeckingroarr · 03/10/2022 20:46

hellosunshineagainxxx · 03/10/2022 19:19

I agree with you, I have a boy and pregnant with my second and people keep saying am I wishing for a girl but actually my preference would be another boy

Me too.

Happy with either bit if I had to choose I would have another little boy.

TurquoiseDress · 03/10/2022 20:48

YANBU

DC1 is a boy and when I was pregnant with DC2 it seemed like everyone was say "ooooh bet you're wishing for a girl"

When in fact I was inside hoping for another boy, I loved the thought of 2 boys together

I'll admit to feeling disappointment when I found out it was a girl....then feeling huge guilt & wanting to kick myself for not just being grateful she was healthy

But I couldn't deny that feeling or squash it away entirely

Of course, I love both DC to absolute bits

Calmdown14 · 03/10/2022 20:50

I have a boy and a girl and a four year age gap. Like you I thought two boys would get on better and didn't have a strong preference either way.

Despite the gap being bigger than intended and having opposite sexes, they are the absolute best of friends. My son loved her from the day we got home, adored her as a baby and is now totally wrapped around her little finger! But I think it's down to him being a totally softy. In return she is his little comfort blanket as he's very shy. If they'd been born the other way round not sure how it would have worked!

MytummydontjigglejiggleItfolds · 03/10/2022 20:52

I had a DS first and when I was pregnant with second I remember thinking how I had absolutely no preference. One of each - nice to have the opportunity to raise both, nice to have a daughter relationship and a son relationship etc, two brothers - how lovely, they'll be able to relate to each other slightly differently, I get to see that kind of bond, I get to raise a boy again etc etc.
In the end my second was a girl and it felt like an amazingly special surprise. When people say how nice it is to have one of each I enthusiastically agree.
But if it had been a boy I'm sure it would have felt like an amazingly special surprise too! And when people would have said how nice it was to have brothers I would enthusiastically agree!
It's all good options IMO.
Especially if you don't stereotype, I don't think I have any clothes/toys that eldest had that youngest couldn't use.

steppemum · 03/10/2022 20:54

I have 3 kids. 1 ds 2 dds
I did pass down baby clothing, but once they got to about a year, I couldn't pass much down, different sizes, shapes, seasons etc.
Things that could be passed down, like wellies, waterproofs etc, just went from boy to girl.

But they are SO different, toatlly different tastes and interests in everything. Not a shred in common between the 3 of them.
I couldn't pass down any toys dd1 to dd2, partly because dd1 wnated ds' toys, and partly because anything of her own and she kept it and didn't want her sister to have it.

Baby/toddler toys did all 3 of them.

So I just don't get any of the reasons why it might be easier to have same sex or opposite sex really

DuckonaBike · 03/10/2022 20:55

I have two girls and it’s great. I always wanted girls and there are advantages to having two the same.
But arguably there’s no point weighing up the pros and cons of two the same / one of each given that you don’t actually get to choose anyway 🤣 you just get what you’re given.

NortieTortie · 03/10/2022 20:59

I have two boys 1.5 years apart and completely agree. I had my heart set on another little boy so they could be playmates.

There's two other boy/girl sibling pairs in their year groups with the same age gap and their mums have both commented to me that my boys seem 'closer'. I think they're just at that age where they think the other sex is gross.

Although, now I'm pining for a third, I wouldn't mind a girl..

Snugglemonkey · 03/10/2022 21:01

I originally wanted a second boy so I could use all my favourite wee outfits and things. I thought DS would prefer it too. As soon as I was pregnant though, he started talking about his sister and he is delighted we are having a girl. I am just delighted to be pregnant at all?

Original poster

CarsonViolet · 03/10/2022 21:05

I can't imagine it'll matter much to me when the time comes. It's more just the assumption from everyone that I surely must be pining for a girl that baffles me.

Either would be lovely and there's certainly things I'd love about a daughter ( getting to experience raising both, I find girl names more fun) but if I was given the choice and forced to choose I probably would go with another boy...

OP posts:

KingaBee · 03/10/2022 21:09

My sister has a boy and I have a little girl. People often comment how nice it is for my mother to have a “pair” (of grandchildren).
to which I usually reply : “yeah, totally, she can breed them now”.

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