I know I am being selfish but don't want to take DC to see dying MIL

[Jadech]

Am I the most selfish horrible person for thinking like this?

We are flying to my husbands home country at the weekend, which could be potentially mine and DC last time seeing her. MIL has had cancer for over 4 years and now other serious health problems recently has left her in a really bad way. She is very ill. DH has recently been and stayed for 2 weeks. He will also go again when the time comes. She has an appointment that he wants to be there for and wants us and DC to come as well.

She is at home but bed bound. DC are lively 4 and 5 year olds. We lost my grandmother this year and the death really unsettled them. We will stay with them for 4 days and I just hate the thought of them seeing her so ill and naturally it's a very sad time that i personally wish they wasn't exposed to.

I know it would mean the world to her to see them and I think my DH would be incredibly sad if they/she didn't get to see them one last time. Flights are booked so we are going but I just don't feel comfortable with it.

Take them and make it as warm and loving an experience as possible.

I’m not sure it is a good idea. I experience a lot of death in the family at a young age, and it really messed me up. I felt older than my age, and I worried constantly about my parents dying, something no little kid should worry about. My mother did the best she knew at the time, she was told it would help me ‘process’ the deaths, but instead it made me anxious about my parents or close family dying which I never articulated to my parents and just worried about on my own.

People are thinking about whether it’s fair and what the granny would get out of it, but not the potential effect on the children close on the heels of another family death.

Based on my childhood experiences I’d leave them at home.

I'd go but aid pro aly find a hotel for us and just plan to do a short visit or two with the kids. If it goes well then that could be a visit every day you're there but otherwise keep it brief.