Page 5 | To stop telling me I need a GIRL

snowbellsxox · 2022-10-03T16:05:44+00:00

We have two beautiful, wonderful sons quite close in age. Almost daily I have women telling me I'm missing a daughter, am I going to try for a daughter, how close mothers and daughters are etc etc all of that I never used to get it with my first it's since we have had our second I find it hurtful for my children who I love dearly and love love having sons, to be honest gender never mattered to me My gender reveals were quite boring haha! I wasn't one of those who fell to the floor just a ohhh woooop haha! No matter what the gender But it seems to be getting into my head lately I've even considered trying for one in the future because of how I'm being made to feel ...... Obviously OP gets you lucky B .... [blush] Anyone in the same boat or have any advice haha! Grrrrrrr

UsernameIsCopied · 04/10/2022 10:23

CoastalWave · 04/10/2022 10:09

Genuine question though to you all.

IF you have say 2 boys, or 2 girls, aren't you seriously trying for a third for the gender you don't have?

Or do people just want 3 or 4 kids?

I think people just presume no one wants/needs anymore than 2 kids so if you've 2 boys or 2 girls already and having a third, its because you do want the gender you haven't got so far?

I don't know anyone who has a boy and a girl who's then gone on deliberately to have a third or more? Only people with two of each who've had a third child

I think if I did have 2 boys or 2 girls, I would be somewhat disappointed as it's natural surely to want/experience one or two of each?!

I suppose in a roundabout way, are people just trying to sympathise even though everyone says it annoys them!

Show quote history

I genuinely wanted 3 children, for various reasons.
I also know a fair number of people who have one of each and go on to have a planned 3rd.
Not everyone thinks that 2 is the perfect number of children. Some want just one, or 3, or 4, or 10.

Bopping298 · 04/10/2022 10:31

Yes unfortunately I had absolutely loads of these comments too when I was pregnant with my third boy. People would ask the gender of my baby and I had so many negative comments (from strangers not friends and family). Someone in my son’s nursery said ‘oh I’m sorry’ with a head tilt and sad face when I told her I was expecting a boy after she had asked the gender. I was furious as I’d also had a couple of other negative comments that day so gave her a proper dressing down, and it’s still a bit awkward when I go to nursery and see her!

PP are right to point out that baby girls are more favoured in the West. Negative comments about boys really annoyed me as it’s like someone is saying my boys - whom I adore - are not good enough? I wouldn’t change them or our relationship for the world. My husband has many brothers and they are all really thoughtful and lovely, I’m close to all of them so stereotypes about men being rubbish with family etc are not true.

Crunchingleaf · 04/10/2022 10:33

I had my eldest with an Ex and there is a 12 year age gap. Even though my eldest now has a brother he is effectively still an only child. They are mad about each other and it’s lovely to see.
I am now expecting my third child, my husband’s second child. The two younger ones will grow up together. It will be a different dynamic.
I think under different circumstances I would of stopped at two, however number three will be loved just like the other two are loved and will complete our family.

Original poster

snowbellsxox · 04/10/2022 13:30

Angharad78 · 03/10/2022 21:01

Not someone being obnoxious but really nice on this theme:

When my sister was born (third of three daughters), my grandmother sent my mum a card with a baby in a giant pink hat and inside she wrote “what a hat trick!” I always thought this was lovely and I’ve used the same line whenever anyone announces the happy arrival of a third.

I'm using this

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Original poster

snowbellsxox · 04/10/2022 13:31

Zerrin13 · 03/10/2022 21:13

I had girl boy girl. Love them all the same. Never cared what I was having. People are such twats when it comes to pregnancy and babies.

Absolutely!

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Original poster

snowbellsxox · 04/10/2022 13:32

TroublesComing32 · 03/10/2022 22:51

I have two boys close in age, somebody asked me would I have another if I knew it would be a girl…I said I’d have another if I knew it would be another boy just to shut them up. I’m reality I’d have just loved another baby and couldn’t have cared less whether it was a boy or a girl just like I didn’t mind what we were having the first two times x

Love this

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Original poster

snowbellsxox · 04/10/2022 13:34

quitelikelyto · 04/10/2022 07:33

I had 2 boys then a girl. I was expecting and happy to have a 3rd boy. I have to say it's been incredible. I had no idea how deeply moving it is for me to watch my daughter grow into a woman. I feel a deeply shared experience of womanhood with her. She is just about my most favourite person in the world. We are very close. But it could have been different. We could have had a difficult and tormented relationship. I love all my dc. They all bring a different joy to me

And this is lovely what a wonderful mother
I love this, I just don't like people who say i need one it's insulting

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Original poster

snowbellsxox · 04/10/2022 13:36

Whatafustercluck · 04/10/2022 08:00

I had no idea this was a thing and they people were that invested in other people's lives/ children.

I have one of each. I had a boy first and of course would have been delighted to have had another boy, equally delighted to have a girl. I'd like to think I'm equally close to both and always will be. They both have my heart and soul.

Love this

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Lampzade · 04/10/2022 13:40

I had two girls close in age. Dh’s friend told dh that I was probably disappointed in myself because I didn’t give dh a boy
I told dh to tell his ‘friend’ that the gender of a child was determined by the male. So in fact it was dh who didn’t give me a boy
Subsequently , I had a boy and people were talking about how I eventually gave dh a boy

Original poster

snowbellsxox · 04/10/2022 13:43

Lampzade · 04/10/2022 13:40

I had two girls close in age. Dh’s friend told dh that I was probably disappointed in myself because I didn’t give dh a boy
I told dh to tell his ‘friend’ that the gender of a child was determined by the male. So in fact it was dh who didn’t give me a boy
Subsequently , I had a boy and people were talking about how I eventually gave dh a boy

Ridiculous! My dad has four daughters and loves it! He now has son in laws who he is also very close to!

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Iguanainanigloo · 04/10/2022 13:48

I have two girls and get the same... Why don't you have another? Are you worried you'd get another girl? Ummm.... No, I'm happy with my two perfect healthy children, regardless of what their sex is. I love having "two the same", for mine, they are close in age, have similar interests and hobbies, and are best friends... Ask me in ten years time, when I have two sassy teenage girls, if I wished I'd had a boy, and I may give a different answer 😂

Herejustforthisone · 04/10/2022 14:44

Whenever I’m faced with an intrusive comment (I’m mid thirties with one child, I get plenty) then I find the best way to deal with it is to simply bat it back with them with an innocent expression.

“You can’t leave him as an only child, it’s selfish.”

”Oh really? Why do you think that?”

”Well, he’ll have no one to play with and when you get old he’ll have to deal with it on his own.”

”Why do you say that?” looks intensely at them and awaits satisfactory answer

“Well…” shifting weight and looks around, it dawning in them that perhaps a throwaway comment about another woman’s reproductive plans might have been unwise. “He’ll be weird won’t he?”

Raises eyebrow ”You think that, do you?”

Original poster

snowbellsxox · 04/10/2022 19:01

Herejustforthisone · 04/10/2022 14:44

Whenever I’m faced with an intrusive comment (I’m mid thirties with one child, I get plenty) then I find the best way to deal with it is to simply bat it back with them with an innocent expression.

“You can’t leave him as an only child, it’s selfish.”

”Oh really? Why do you think that?”

”Well, he’ll have no one to play with and when you get old he’ll have to deal with it on his own.”

”Why do you say that?” looks intensely at them and awaits satisfactory answer

“Well…” shifting weight and looks around, it dawning in them that perhaps a throwaway comment about another woman’s reproductive plans might have been unwise. “He’ll be weird won’t he?”

Raises eyebrow ”You think that, do you?”

Love this I'm going to start doing this

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Original poster

snowbellsxox · 04/10/2022 19:02

Iguanainanigloo · 04/10/2022 13:48

I have two girls and get the same... Why don't you have another? Are you worried you'd get another girl? Ummm.... No, I'm happy with my two perfect healthy children, regardless of what their sex is. I love having "two the same", for mine, they are close in age, have similar interests and hobbies, and are best friends... Ask me in ten years time, when I have two sassy teenage girls, if I wished I'd had a boy, and I may give a different answer 😂

Love this I am one of four girls , we did fight but are close as adults it's just a stage lol thankfully!

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Minimalme · 04/10/2022 19:31

My Mum had four children, three girls and a boy.

The boy has emigrated many 1000s of miles away and two of the girls have cut her off.

She only has one adult child left to 'be close to' and 'look after her as she ages'.

People are crazy if they think having more children and girls are a safeguard to growing old and lonely.

I have three boys and desperately wanted a fourth baby. Not a girl and not a boy. A baby.

In the end I had to accept that my fertility was over and I rescued a lovely little pug. He is my best baby yet, sleeps through the night and is always there when I need him.